Friday, April 30, 2010

Forgive and Forget.

I saw a cousin's FB status about forgiving and forgetting. He said something about forgiving and forgetting and about how if one forgives one must also forget.

I don't really know how it works. As far as relationships goes, I've forgiven the people who hurt me but I haven't forgotten the things they did to me.

Forgetting seems to be an absurd idea. Except when you have Alzheimer's or dementia. But sometimes I want to forget just so it's easier to move on.

Help?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Stay Or Go.

Have you ever watch the movie about the man who married an alien? There was a song there where they were singin' stay or go. I am in the exact same predicament. Fuck. I never thought it would come to this. Especially with Rey. Can you believe? I thought I was done with all these feelings but they are back. And I feel it towards Rey. REY. The one I gave my heart to. Broken and tattered that it was. I gave him my heart. Trusting him that he will not break it.

I'm broken...into pieces that was already broken in the first place. I never knew the exact same pieces can be broken again. I am rambling in this minute space...wondering if he reads this. Did you know that some people I didn't expect to be reading this still reads this? But the person who I hope would pay more attention probably doesn't.

My head is spinning either from alcohol or these thoughts. Everyday, I spend trying to get rid of the thoughts already in my head. Of the things I know and don't know but everyday I seem to fail. Everyday I wake up praying. Everyday I wake up with one thought in mind...to trust him. But everyday...he fails me. At the end of the day all is left, are the messages I read, the hurtful things he's said to me, the way he treats me compared to the way he treats his friends.

Everyday, I brace myself for the big blow. The one which can shatter my dreams or make them. Everyday...I prepare myself for whatever is out there. I don't know how I am surviving but I am...somehow, someway.

Friday, April 09, 2010

After The Love Has Gone.

For awhile to love was all we could do
we were young and we knew
and our eyes were alive
Deep inside we knew our love was true
For awhile we paid no mind to the past
we knew love would last
Ev'ry night somethin' right
would invite us to begin the dance

Somethin' happened along the way
what used to be happy was sad
Somethin' happened along the way
and yesterday was all we had
And oh after the love has gone
how could you lead me on
and not let me stay around
Oh oh oh afterthe love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

For awhile to love each other with all
we would ever need
Love was strong for so long
never knew that what was
wrong oh

wasn't right
We tried to find what we had
till sadness was all we shared
We were scared this affair would lead our love into
Somethin' happened along the way
yesterday was all we had
Somethin' happened along the way
what used to be happy is sad

Somethin' happened along the way
oh yesterday was all we had
And oh after the love has gone
how could you lead me on
and not let me stay around
Oh oh oh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

Oh oh oh oh oh oh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found
Oh woh woh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

Oh woh woh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found
Oh woh woh
Oh woh woh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found

Woh woh woh after the love has gone
what used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found
Woh woh woh

Thursday, April 08, 2010

BBQ.

Yuengling. It's a good beer.

7 ft beach towel, can you believe it?!

I can't find the bathing suit I want. Fuck it.

Bumped into John at TJ Maxx.

Two adventures cancelled. Dammit.

Captain Hiram? Where art thou?

Brazilian boy is funny as shit.

Zacky-poo leaving at the end of the week. (I will miss you, baby boy!)

Five more weeks.

Done. Done. Done.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Spring.

It's spring again. It will be almost a year since I came back here in the US to be with him. One year. And I only got to spend time with him thrice since. And now...I don't know how to be with him. How to get past these issues we have. I just don't.

One year of enduring the loneliness of being alone, being away from my friends, working a job that though I love, with the conditions of my visa, doesn't allow me to grow in the profession. All this for him, for our dreams and for the future we promised each other.

But...now what?