Well not really. But I have to make sure it will be better than last year. The New Year is only today anyway.
Tomorrow it's no longer new.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Well not really. But I have to make sure it will be better than last year. The New Year is only today anyway.
44 Minutes till the January 1. It's a brand new year. A brand new start. A year where I can be the person that I can be.
But I'm dying inside. Please let me live again.
The year is only new on January 1. On the second it's old news. I will make my year better, despite and inspite of...
This is the second new year that I feel like I died.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/31/2006 10:15:00 AM
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Someday by Nina
Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see this through my eyes
But then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I can't
You don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long
Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
I know you can tell
I'm down,and I'm not doin' well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, I know someone's gonna be there
Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
I am just loving this song right now. It sums up what I felt then and how feel now. How I longed for "someday" and finally it's right infront me. I wonder how long it has been standing there.
I admit I am plagued by some what ifs. What if he realized this when I was still in love with him? Those kinds of what if's. I finally told my mom that I spoke to him. She said "Move on. You don't have a future with him." It was a really superficial comment. I so know my mom. But in a ways yes, she is right. I just dont see the person that I saw in him before.
It's 5 days till the end of the year. I wonder what 2007 has in store for me...I'm excited! I've never been this excited since I enrolled in culinary school! WOOOOT! First on my to do list would be to find a job. Teehee.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/26/2006 10:20:00 AM
Monday, December 25, 2006
As all of you who had been reading my friendster blog know, I got the idea of doing thank you's from Oprah. She writes five things she is thankful for everyday. It's the end of the year and I just want to be able to say my heartfelt thanks.
So THANK YOU (I praise God - because he gave me these blessings.) :
~ For a family who has always been there through it all, even if for most of it they just watched me stumble, make my own mistakes and learn valuable lessons. Not because they didn't want to help, it was because they wanted to help me. For all the support morally, financially, emotionally, for spending on Culinary School, for spending on my competetions, exams, and extras.
~ For my friends. TOPAC, I know it's not exactly how we pictured our friendship to be where it is right now, nevertheless, you're all friends of mine and I value our friendships. Thank you for being there, for listening and for taking the time to welcome me into your circle. Ella, AJ, Mark and Myles - my pex angels. Thank you for listening to my endless whines, cries for help, what have you. Farah - for always being there. Manel - for being there all these years, even with med school looming over you. HEHE Kevin - for all the times I called you and you were asleep, for patiently listening to me tell you the same story over and over again. Thank you.
~ For the heartaches, lessons and for allowing me to see the 2 sides of life. The good and the bad side. I learned valuable lessons first hand.
~ For those people who may have caused me pain, intentionally or unintentionally. I still thank you because I've finally become the person that I ought to be. I am finally ready for someone.
~ For that someone, for all the pain you endured, being my friend. Thank you for your patience, for your kindness, for everything that you said and didn't say. Thank you.
~ For a new hobby! For being able to learn it this time. It may take a little bit more time but it is never too late to learn something new.
~ For my Culinary school friends and classmates. Thank you for the lessons imparted while working together in the kitchen, for cooperating when I was EC, for allowing me the pleasure of your company for 1 year.
~ For the Chefs, for imparting knowledge, pushing us to do our best and for endless yells, preaching and several banged pans. Thank you for sharing what you know and for sharing your gifts to us.
If I forgot anything or anyone. Please don't take offense. It doesn't mean that I dont thank you and thank God for you. Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/25/2006 09:51:00 AM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
This day is really interesting. Two people from the past spoke to me today. I feel like I am hunted down for a reason. It's like the universe is saying something, yelling "Achtung! Rica!"
And then a cliche past is past. It has no business in the present.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/23/2006 01:08:00 PM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Boy, 2006 is probably my best and worst year. It was a year full of lessons, oppurtunities and I must say that I will never be who I am today if it were not for everything that I learned and that happened to me this year. Grateful as I am I still cringe at the sight of myself the first quarter of the year. I still cringe when I remember how down I was. How people pitied me at my lowest, and how some of them helped me. Some lessons I learned:
~ Friends come in the most unexpected way. - There are people in my life now that I never really got the chance to get to know if it not had been for that great grief that I let myself wallow into for awhile. There are also people in my life whom I may not have known my whole life but also helped me become a better person by imparting lessons and listening to my endless whining.
~ Drugs doesn't solve anything. - Although it had been quite a euphoric experience, no I didn't try anything remotely over the top drugs, it was still a very bad habit. I stuck to weed, v and shrooms. And since that part of my life is over and done with then it's over.
~ Push yourself to be on top always. - Not because you want to be ahead of everyone else, or because you're competing with someone, but because you want to be able to push yourself to your limit. To see that you're good enough. Don't limit yourself, especiallu if presented with oppurtunities to blossom.
~ Just because someone treated you unfairly, it is not reason for you to treat him poorly as well. - Yes, think of karma. You're not earning good karma. Don't repay evil deeds with more evil ones. Because they will pay it forward. HEHE I will stop from being evil already. Swear.
~ Don't complicate your life. - Pray, do your best and God will do the rest. Don't always think that life is hard, unfair and complicated. Sometimes it is the choices we make that complicate our lives.
~ It's okay to set standards, to raise the bar. - You of all people would know what you deserve and what you don't deserve.
*I must try not to forget to write a thank you by the year ends. HEHE This is one bitchin' thanks!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/19/2006 08:36:00 AM
Monday, December 18, 2006
The Triple A's of a Great Relationship
Posted by Dr. Laura Berman on Tue, Dec 12, 2006, 4:51 pm PST
Couples can lose the spark for every reason under the sun. They get too busy with work or kids. They forget the little things, like kisses and small thank you's. Most relationship splits don't come down to a dramatic, life-shattering problem. Rather, it's the gradual slip of each partner's behavior that does it.
I've got an easy formula that will put some life back into any lukewarm relationship. I call it The
Three A's of Relationship Rescue:
The first ‘A' is for Appreciation. Both sexes benefit from getting back to the sweet adoration of early love. In those days it was effortless. You rocked each other's world without even trying to. Every gesture was met with the simplest of relationship life-preservers: gratitude. Ultimately, showing appreciation makes the other person feel seen and heard. You feel like you matter. In the workaday of chores, errands, bills and whose turn it is to take the dog out, appreciation can go right out the window. You're both so busy that you start to take what the other person is doing for granted. Take a step back and say ‘thank-you' more than you might. Think of something everyday that your partner did and thank him or her for it-even on the bad days! It will help you weather the storms of love. (I always, always appreciate! And appreciate being appreciated.)
The second ‘A' is for Attention. This one is more for the guys. Remember how much you used to court your partner in the beginning? Every date was an event. Every absence a tragedy. It helps to bring back some of that urgency and romance to what's going on now. If you haven't brought home flowers for no particular reason since the last Leap Year, please head directly to the florist. If you never call just to say I love you, pick up the phone. Women want to feel cared for and loved and cherished-and not just when you're trying to get sex or make something up to her. Little gestures of seduction, with no expectations, will go a long way towards reigniting her attraction to you. Why not plan to do something nice every week? The more a woman feels that her partner is tuning into her emotionally, by helping with the kids or the house or doing something sweet, the more apt she is to be sexual. Need any more reasons? (I just loooove attention! Hehe. Yeah screw me, I am an attention whore!)
The last ‘A' is for Appearance. Ladies, do you remember how much effort you put into your looks at the beginning of your relationship? I'll bet that a day at the ballgame got more effort than your anniversary does these days! Men are visual creatures. Your hair, your body, your appearance is what caught his interest in the first place. As I like to say, if you've let yourself go, your partner may still love you, but he's not going to lust you. And sorry, but kids and cooking dinner and all of that other stuff is not an excuse for looking disheveled on a regular basis. Your appearance needs to once again become a priority! In fact, when you keep yourself looking good on a daily basis, it becomes a habit. Don't reserve looking nice for a special occasion. It sends the message that you only care in a way that's strategic, designed to appease him rather than prioritize a fundamental part of his attraction to you. It will also make you feel better about yourself to stop making excuses. Eat right, put on a little mascara and lip gloss, and shave your legs more than once a week!And men don't get off the hook here. While the visual is not quite as important to women, generally speaking, no one wants a slovenly partner. Beer guts, untended nose hair, and clothing from the mid-90s are serious offenses! If you expect her to look good, please do the same. (Seriously, I am going on a diet!!!)
Ultimately, a healthy relationship is what's going to drive your passion for each other, which is what's going to rev the engine of a healthy relationship!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/18/2006 09:38:00 PM
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
My mom once told me "Life is simple. You pray, do your best and hope for the best. It is us who make it hard and complicated." She's right. I realized that I made myself miserable the past few days when it's so easy to be happy. I swear I laughed at this realization last night.
It's easy I just loop all my Backstreet Boys songs and it takes me back to the time where in buying the latest issue of Bop or Big Bopper was the only thing that mattered to me. Remebering those years brings back fond memories. I always wished that life were that simple. But life is still simple it is us who brings complications, depression and angst into our lives. Then we immediately blame "life" for being a bitch. And yes, I've done that loads of times.
I will now try to uncomplicate my life. I guess it's time I stop trying to get everything that I wanted. Because we all know that not everything you want is good for you. Instead, just count my blessings. And teach myself to be contented with what I have and can't have.
New year's resolutions:
1. Uncomplicate my life.
2. Go to church on sundays.
3. Lose weight.
Those look like doable resolutions, dont they?
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/12/2006 12:00:00 AM
Sunday, December 10, 2006
I've long since vowed that I didn't want to feel this way anymore. It's hell. But I'm a woman. Women have that incessant need to feel everything. I have that incessant need to analyze everything. I ponder endlessly. What do you think I do before I sleep and before I get out of my bed, those moments before sleeping and when I wake up where I just stare at my ceiling? Which explains why I am almost always late.
I didn't get to sleep last night. I slept at around 9 PM but I woke up at around 12 AM, crying. I forgot why, I think I was dreaming. I can't remember my dream though. But I remember fighting the urge to cry the whole afternoon. I can barely breathe. I can hear my phone ringing, for a moment I actually hated hearing my ring tone. It meant that he was either texting me or calling me. And I wanted to shut him off just as he shut me off, but my good nature(?), or maybe pathetic nature got the best of me. And what's sucks more about this suckfest is that I can't tell anyone. Why? I didn't want to explain to anyone what was happening, because I wont know how to start.
It's hard for me to dismiss thoughts because I am emotionally attached to these thoughts. And I'm not an emotional alchemist. And I am trying my damn best convincing myself that nothing is wrong when it seems like every braincell I have is screaming that I have to get to the bottom of this. And it's emotionally draining me.
I tried to go back to sleep. I blogged to get all the rage out. But I couldn't sleep everytime I closed my eyes I felt tears rolling down my temple. So, I ended up watching Charmed dvd's. Gawd, it was a long night.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/10/2006 03:52:00 AM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
It seems that I always end up waiting. Either, waiting for someone to change, waiting for something to come my way, waiting for someone to make a decision about something so I can also make mine, or waiting for someone to show up. What's with the waiting game? Life is short and one shouldn't be waiting as much as I have.
I realize that I am made to wait because they know I will wait for them, it or whatever it is. But I'm tired of standing here at my post waiting for any of those things to come to me. Deep inside I know I have to do something about it already. Maybe it's time to move on already, see what else life has in store for me.
Or maybe it's time for my alone trip anywhere.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/05/2006 03:01:00 AM
Monday, December 04, 2006
I had spoken to my old friend, Nilo. I knew him from high school, we sang together in the school choir. He's an Architect now. He was actually encouraging me to still take the board exams. I reckon he doesn't want me to sell my architecture stuff. But what the hell am I supposed to do with it?
It feels good that someone actually believes I can do that licensure exams even if I myself don't believe in myself enough to actually start considering to take the exams. Is it the end of that dream? I wish him well.
I am thankful for friends like him. He didn't abandon me during my thesis days. Actually I had a lot of help during my thesis. Anyway, I am glad I returned his call.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/04/2006 11:27:00 AM
I have fuckin' loads of art materials stowed away in boxes from back when I was still in Architecture. Dammit how do I get rid of them? AGH! Anyway if anyone is interested haller at me yah! Havent even used some of them.
Anyway, I am totally irritated at someone. A friend actually. AGH! Seriously, she has to work on her lying. I think she forgets it's me who she's talking to.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/04/2006 07:06:00 AM
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I read these two words in one single message last night. It seems that when you love, you also need or when you need, you love. I'm not sure that this is the case all the time. Some can just love. Some just need. And some make that choice to love and need someone at the same time.
Needing someone. Does needing a person mean that you love that person? You need your subordinates at work? Does it mean you love them? Even that green eyed monster who is after your post? No, right? You just keep it civil with some of them because you need them. I admit I have friends I keep because I know that one day I am going to need that person for something. And vice versa.
Loving someone. Does loving a person mean that you need that person? Well there's that saying that says "Immature love is I love you because I need you, and mature love is I need you because I love you." Can you really just love without needing? It's human nature to need love. It's one aspect of life that all of us pines and longs after, taking for granted all the other people who love us. I think you can love without needing. I love my friends even if I didn't need them for something. Keeping that friendship doesn't mean that I only need them.
I learned that loving and needing is also a feeling that goes away, after sometime. You think you can't function with a person out of your life. But you're wrong, you still can. You don't need that person's presence to be successful. You just WANT him to be there, because you love him. There's a difference between really needing and wanting something or someone. Needing for me is a choice one has to make.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and everyone is in your life for a reason. Everyone that I keep in my life and everyone I turn away was my choice. It wasn't because I didn't need them or I didn't love them enough. Some may have even served their purpose, and that is to teach me something I'd find valuable.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/03/2006 01:46:00 AM
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Can you believe that my cousin treated us to see a movie? Oh well, I treated them to dinner and I spent more that he did. But it was fun hangin' out with them. We dont hang out much anymore. And since I havent got friends in our village, since we all got over each other, I usually hang out with Don and Martin.
The movie was funny, I was laughing for the most part. I can hear them laugh too. But Martin is annoying his phone kept ringing, it was fuckin' rude. >:|
It's December. I dont feel Christmas-y. All I know is, and all I am looking foward to is I'm seeing him before the year ends...he promised.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/02/2006 11:59:00 AM
Friday, December 01, 2006
It's December!!! I just wanna write what I want this christmas. I'm currently listening to All I Want For Christmas Is You. Made me think about what I wanted for christmas. In order of the odds I'd actually get them. HEHE
1. Only one person can do this for me. He knows what it is.
2. A job. A commis job.
3. Mazda 3 Hatchback
4. Sony Alpha 100w with 2 GB memory stick
5. Plane Tickets to Bora bora!
6. Grand Livre de Cuisine Alain Ducasse's Culinary Encyclopedia and Grand Livre de Cuisine Alain Ducasse's Desserts and Pastries
7. iPod video 80 GB
8. SE K800i
9. Paulo Coelho's The Zahir and The Devil And Miss Prym
10. Mitch Alboom's Book - For One More Day, Tuesdays with Morrie, The Five People You Meet In Heaven
11. A slammin night out with mah girls!
Please Lord, I'd settle for Number 1 and Number 2!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 12/01/2006 03:41:00 AM
Thursday, November 30, 2006
When I was 16 I met a wonderful, well some were still wonderful to this day, bunch of people. There was Antonette, April and Nicee. We met at the silliest circumstance. April was my school mate who saw my clear book articles and pin-ups of the Backstreetboys sometime in 1997. We met Antonette and Nicee soon after. And we were inseparable. We'd go out together usually to "band-chase" or just well, hang out.
April, having met her asshole ex-boyfriend preferred him over us and so we let her. We let her make her mistakes and learn her lessons and boy did it take a while.
Nicee, we discovered was a liar. She probably didn't know what else to do with her life. I don't know what particular things she lied about but there were some ridiculous stories, such as:
- Her mom hates us because we don't go to the same church. - We met her mom, she was nice.
- She was sick with something really terrible. She said she has a brain tumor.
- She said she was in the hospital. - While talking to Antonette, her brother picked up the phone. Boy, that must've been some suite she was in. She had two phones!
- She was mugged. - Yet, she had money to take a cab to Tonet's place with her cellphone and jewelries still intact.
'Nuff said. I tried to be friends with her after I found out about those but I couldn't take it. There was a small voice in my had that screamed "She's lying!" every time she shared some story to me. So I told her, I didn't want to talk to her again and that she should stop calling me. I dont hate her for what she did, I just dont bother anymore.
My ex-boyfriend was also a pathological liar. And I was actually stupid enough to let some of those lies get right past even if there was a voice in my head that said other wise. When I realized this I was furious. At first I was mad at him for being a liar. But more importantly I was mad at myself, for listening to him, for still understanding him despite the lies and for making myself believe that he was telling the truth when the cold harsh fact that the truth was standing right across me ready to bitch slap me.
Trust. It's something that I readily give to someone, even someone I barely know. But it's not something that can be earned back. Especially if that trust that was broken was mine. My friends call me gullible loads of times. I'd believe anything people told me. I don't know if I had that much faith in people or that I am just a total naivete. But I know that I accept people for what the are, or what they show me. I'd believe and trust them to be telling the truth, not even thinking twice if it was indeed the truth. Yes, I am naive and gullible. I realize it is my disadvantage. Plus the fact that I can't say a lie straight faced.
But once I find out that the person was lying to me or that he lied to me or that he pretended to be something hes not, then I withdraw. I wont care for an explanation, if that little voice in my head screamed liar or dishonest. Then I stop caring. I wont waste anymore braincells.
I know harsh right? I admit I am not a saint. I have lied a couple of times successfully, to my parents of my whereabouts or what I was doing. White lies that I had to tell with my back to them or through the phone. Which I, by the way, would end up outing myself from sheer guilt of having told a lie.
And so I therefore conclude that I am fuckin' screwed. Agh!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/30/2006 10:18:00 AM
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
What time is it? 1:23 PM
LET’S GET DOWN TO THE BASICS
01. Name? Theodorica Angeles
02. Nickname? Rica, Rix,
03. Date of Birth?
04. Place of Birth? Quezon City
05. Height? 5'5"ish.
06. Hair Color? Black
07. Eye Color? Brown
08. Occupation? All-time bum. GRAAAH!
09. Brothers? Sisters? 2 cousins I consider siblings...Don and Martin
10. Living arrangement? Still with my folks.
01. Hobbies? Recently taking pictures - point and shoot kind of thing, going on Charmed marathons - thanks for the dvds!, cooking, going to a bookstore to browse it's massive culinary titles, blogging, and whatever else idle minds think of.
02. Color? Blue, Green, Pink
03. Time of the Day? Early Morning - Like dawn, Late afternoons, great for taking pictures! Hehe
04. Day of the Week? Saturday
05. Holiday? CHRISTMAS!!!
06. Number? 8
07. TV Show/s? - Charmed, Sex And The City, One Tree Hill, The Hills, Barefoot Contessa, Tyler's Ultimate, Wolfgang Puck's Cooking Class, How Do I Look?, America's Next Top Model, Follow That Food, Unwrapped, Laguna Beach, Pimp My Ride, etc.
08. Movie/s? I have loads mostly chick flicks, Clueless, Little Women, Save The Last Dance, The Guardian, The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, eeek...I forgot those that I like hehe.
09. Movie quote? You make me wanna be a better man. - As Good As It Gets...bwahahahaha.
10. Actor/s? NO ONE IN PARTICULAR
11. Actress/es? NO ONE IN PARTICULAR ALSO
12. Music? I have loads its better to talk in genres I like mostly r n b, hip hop, mainstream pop, some alternative songs, oldies, recently into a bit of house, etc
13. CD/s? Really? That's why I have iTunes. Hahaha
14. Singer/s or Band/s? NO ONE IN PARTICULAR
15. Sport/s? I still wanna learn how to play Tennis. I like Badminton. Dammit I havent got a chance to play anything anymore!
16. Athlete/s? I'm not big on sports people. I just watch and don't bother who plays what. I remember I liked Shaq.
17. Team/s? NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF.
18. Book? Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, Harry Potter Series, Veronika Decides To Die, The Alchemist, The Fifth Mountain, Eleven Minutes, The Joy of Baking, Professional Cooking - Wayne Gisslen. My Best Life NOW! I wanna buy Alaine Ducasse's Encylopedia of Culinary Arts and Pastry Arts.
19. Author? Paulo Coelho
20. Magazine? COOK, FOOD, Cosmopolitan
21. Food? I dont want anything that screams western cooking right now. Had enough at school.
22. Drink? Starbucks' Caramel Affogato, White Chocolate Mocha and Caramel Java Chip, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's Caramel Ice Blended, Mudslide, Phi Bar's Strawberry Caprioska. Sarsi, Sarsi Float.
23. Ice Cream? FIC's Strawberry, Nangkasuy, Vanilla, Chocnut, Magnolia's Banana Caramel Cake, Selecta's Double Dutch, Dreyer's Cookies and Cream, my own chocnut ice cream!
24. Chocolate or Candy Bar? Lindt Wafer Chocolate Bar.
25. Restaurant? No particular place. I like to try out different restaurants.
26. Fast food place? Good ol Mc Donald's.
27. Alcoholic drink? Phi Bar's Caprioska, Mudslide, Cosmopolitan
28. Hangout? Well...I dont frequent a particular place I get bored easily. If there's really one spot it'd be Starbucks.
29. Casual wear? Shirt, jeans and flipflops kinda girl.
30. Mall? Megamall, Greenhills, Glorietta, Podium, Shangrila, Rockwell
31. Flower? Yellow roses, daisies, mums
32. Swear word? Whatever comes out of my mouth.
33. Subject/s in school? Lets see...there's lecture and kitchen. I'd rather go with kitchen! HAHAHA. College? History of Architecture and Design.
34. Smells/scents? Green Tea, Light Blue, Be Delicious On guys: Hugo Boss - green one, Issey Miyake, Lucky
35. Thing about yourself? I love myself period!
01. Memory you miss most? Grade school, college.
02. Biggest regret? Not writing to Pope John Paul sooner, opting to go for a degree in Architecture...
03. Ever cried in public? Yes.
04. Ever fallen asleep in a movie theater? No not yet.
05. Ever gone skinny-dipping? No.
06. Ever made prank calls? Yeah. It was how I met my besty Marjon. Haha
07. Ever skipped school? Yeah.
08. Ever been in a car crash? No thank God not yet.
09. Number of buddies on your online messenger? No idea.
10. Number of times you failed your driver’s license test? I passed the first time.
11. Nicest person you’ve met this year? Kevin, Ella, Myles, AJ, couch peeps, well technically my classmates in ISCAHM I met last year...
12. People you wish you never met? Well I used to wish I'd have never met Donald. But I did and I have learned countless lessons from that relationship. So in a way thanks.
13. People you wish to meet this year or soon? "The one" -- Okay fine, Kevin there is no such thing as the one! You make that person the one. I wish for wonderful colleagues who will teach me loads of things to perfect myself (whoa! perfect) as a commis and future executive chef. Naks.
14. Most embarrassing moment this year? Hmmm....well...there was being yelled at by Chef Mike for messing up his lasagna
15. Proudest moment? I got 3rd honors at my graduation from ISCAHM. Getting a gold medal in the competetion.
01. Drive? What do you drive? Yes. Higlander SL 2000, I think. It's high time I drive something else!
02. Have a dream car? What is it? I have loads! 2007 Audi Q7, BMW X5, BMW series 1, Ford Mustang (2006), 2000 Viper RT-10, Mazda RX-8, 2006 Audi TT 180 Roadster FrontTrak, 2006 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, 2006 Ford GT Coupe, 2006 Mitsubishi Montero, 2006 Volvo XC90, Dream right? A more attainable dream car would be a Mazda 3 Hatchback.
03. Smoke? Social smoker...
04. Have any pets? Yes. I love him. Diego!
05. Believe in angels? Yeah.
06. Believe in heaven & hell? Yeah.
07. Believe in God? YES!
08. Sleep with a stuffed animal? Nope.
09. Own one or two pillows? 2 pillows.
10. Have a tattoo? Think of getting one? Nope and yes! If I can bear the pain why the hell not! I already have a design!
11. Have piercings? Think of getting some? One on each ear.
12. Have friends who live in other countries? Yeah.
13. Eat breakfast? I try, or when I wake up early.
14. Get motion sickness? No not really.
15. Get along with your parents? Yeah.
16. Get along with your brothers/sisters? Yeah.
17. Want to get your hair dyed? No thanks.
18. Type with your fingers on the right keys? Nope.
19. Sing in the shower? What song? Yeah anything I fancy.
20. Believe in yourself? Yes!
LOVE or SOMETHING LIKE IT
01. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? How many have you had? I had a couple...I wont start counting.
02. If you could go out with anyone in the world, who would it be? Brian Littrell!!! HAHAHAHA And my "Brian" Teehee.
03. What do you first notice about the opposite sex? Lips, sorry I'm a sucker for pouty lower lips.
04. Biggest turn-on? Intelligence, assertiveness and confidence.
05. Ideal girl/guy? Now I am very much idealistic. I'd want a guy who has principles, ambitions, God-fearing, a good provider, someone who can calm me down in those madly furious moments, someone who can purr to me just as my pet Diego does, an optimist, a dreamer who isn't afraid to go and get what they dream of, want or what they know they deserve. Someone who will respect me, my family, my principles, values and decisions. I can go on and on. I know God will provide me with him. HEHEHE
06. Do you picture yourself getting married? How soon will that be? Yes. I want to be. Someday. But I am already sort of planning my wedding hehe.
07. Want kids? How many? Yes. At least 3.
08. Future son’s name/s? Future daughter’s name/s? I wont tell...pero I have a couple of choices already.
09. Honeymoon (where)? Greece!!! Bora bora!!! Fiji!!! Paris!!! Venice!!! Carribean!!!! Meditteranean Cruise!!! Hehehe
10. Where will you live? Anywhere as long as I can get a job as Chef and as long as I am with mah man.
01. Who (or what kind of people) do you look up to or admire? - People who are passionate about life and what they do. Those who share their experiences and lessons and impart knowledge in a non-preachy sort of way. People who aren't afraid to be the best person they can be.
02. What is a hero? - Someone who is passionate about their beliefs, values, and principles.
03. 3 things you wish would happen to someone else? (1) That my family will be able to live a long and healthy life (2) That my friends will find a way to hear each other out and sort out their differences; (3) For my friends who are in pain, emotionally, physically and spiritually, that they may find peace and come into terms with themselves.
04. 3 things you would wanna do before dying? (1) Leave my mark on the culinary world (2) Make my dad see that I was right in choosing to leave architecture behind and start another dream where I am happier and more comfortable with. (3) Put up a foundation who will help children and elderly people.
05. Are you happy with your life? Yes very much so.
HOW SILLY AM I FOR ASKING THESE
01. Are you right-handed, left-handed, or ambidextrous? Right handed
02. What is printed on your mousepad? - Nothing. hehe
03. What is under your bed? Errr dust.
04. Place you want to visit but never have? Bora bora!
05. Single store you would choose to max your credit card? Dolce and Gabana! Shit this was hard!
06. What do you do when you are bored? Err suff.
07. What do you do when you are mad/angry/frustrated? I cry. I pray. I think.
08. Time you usually go to bed? 2 am ish
09. Time you are usually online? For how long, on average? - Varies.
10. Mood in the morning when you wake up? Still sleepy!
11. Are you an indoor or outdoor type of person? Depends on the weather. But I rather like outdoors.
12. What are your pet peeves? Bad grammar, bad diction, bad pronunciation, undercooked chicken, dirty restrooms, dirty white shorts.
13. What is your greatest fear? Failure, but I realized failures are oppurtunities to learn. So I guess not being able to give my family a good life is more appropriate.
14. If you had to kill someone, who would it be? The source of all evil. Osama Bin Laden! HAHAHAH. Thou shall not kill. So I wont.
15. If you have one nuclear bomb, what would you do with it? Surrender it to the authorities. They'd know how to disarm it.
What time is it now? 4:45 pm
Do you have something better to do than answer these questions? I do now! Popo just asked me to call! HAHA
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/29/2006 12:22:00 AM
Monday, November 27, 2006
I commented on my friend's blog about her still bothering to talk to her ex.
And she replied "HAHAHA. nah, i dont want to burn bridges kasi. why? coz 1, you dont know when you'll need these people (hehe).. and 2, if God can forgive all types of sinners, then who are we not to? di ba? but that's just how i think these days. "
Hmmm...so I thought. Is the reason why I refuse to talk to my ex, Donald, is because I haven't forgiven him for all the things that happened between us?
Gahd, that was exactly a year and a day ago from today. I admit it took me awhile to actually get a hold of myself. I realized I have long gotten over the heartbreak but blinded myself from the lessons and endless realizations that I saw after I told myself that, that was it. It's time to come off the trashy vibe and concentrate on myself, my dreams, my goals and not let anything stand in my way of achieving them.
I am happy now, contented with what I have achieved and have so far, and I'm going to make myelf a better and successful person that I can be. Relationship wise, I have had some of those what you might call minor inconveniences and I have long since gotten my act together.
So, have I forgiven Donald? Am I ready to forget it?
Answer? *pauses to look at the deepest recesses of my heart and soul*
Yes. I have forgiven him. I have forgotten the pain and I have learned from that experience.
It is only because I couldn't trust him anymore and I lost respect for him, and its the reason why I don't want to bother talking to him or establishing ties. I mean really how do you trust someone whose lied to you so many times? He's just like my ex-friend Nicee. They belong to the same category now, the learn from these people, ignore them and forget you were even friends with them category.
Sorry. It's just me.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/27/2006 01:38:00 AM
Saturday, November 25, 2006
So I guess I am now worthy of a Sony Alpha DSLR- A100W. Wooooot wooooot.
I was with Kevin, Manel and a friend of Manel's, Chris last night at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Greenbelt. Kevin, thanks for dinner. That was fun! I decided to show off my pictures to Manel. The ones I took last Friday at Mall Of Asia, Boardwalk. I got good reviews from Kevin, early on. Teehee. I get so giggly when someone gives nice comments on my pictures. And she showed it to Chris. HEHE He said they were nice. Woooooot!
Actually he said in a text message to Manel. "She'll make a good photographer." Wooot.
Yesterday was fun, tiring though drove to almost half the town. Kinda wanted to forget that Popo is in Subic, and left me here in Manila. ARGH! Didn't get fireworks shots although, I got my own tripod. Wooot. I can't wait to do fireworks shots next week! Wooot!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/25/2006 06:06:00 PM
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Today was blah. It was boring. I drove mom to the pain rehab thing and got so pissed at her. I am not driving her there again and wait for her. I'll drop her off next time.
I am waiting for something to come through. HARGH! I hate waiting I dont have the patience for it. Dammit.
I hate it, my bestfriend chose the perfect time to ignore my texts and calls, as usual her head is where the band is she seems to have forgotten that she told me she'll give me the pictures today. I needed the whole body shots and passport pictures ASAP. ARGH.
But there's a saying, good things come to people who wait.
Oh yeah one more, Patience is a virtue.
Dammit, I still hate waiting.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/23/2006 10:05:00 AM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I had some pictures taken earlier. I'm fat. Dammit! I am so fuckin' fat. Anyway so I have to lose weight.
Anyway I really hate driving home alone. I wanted to stop by Starbucks because I was almost falling asleep on the wheel! And no, I dont take valiums anymore. But the traffic turned me off. It was one of those brainless idle moments when stuff keeps on popping up and my inner debate teams start setting up their stands. The "bitch" (the name I call my alter ego), was gnawing on today's events, analyzing and nitpicking every singe detail. Dammit! Some stuff I will actually blog on some other blog. Hehe.
Anyway I was hoping on that weekend with Kevin and Manel, but it looks bleak. I also wanna take pictures this weekend. Show off my new hairdo. Or maybe I can go out alone and just commune with myself.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/22/2006 07:40:00 AM
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
1. Touch her waist.
2. Talk to her.
3. Share secrets.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Let her be with you when you're with your friends.
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pics with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking about someone?
16. Always hug her and say i love you when you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. ***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!!***
19. Tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20. Tell her the way you feel about her! You need to show her you mean it too.
21. Kiss her on the lips.
22. DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. You buy HER stuff.
23. TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Buy her stuff. Small things can still help makes her feel special.
26. DON'T LIE TO HER.
27. DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
28. Take her anywhere she wants.
29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you.
Are you still reading this u better be its important!
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her.
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible.
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Dedicate a song to her.
45. Always Remind her how much you love her.
You'll never know when she needs just a lil more love.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/21/2006 10:26:00 PM
I havent done this in a while...
Thank God for...
- My friends - all of them. Every single one of them who matters to me.
- My family including Diego.
- The camera that is available when I wanna take pictures.
- Blogger.com, it helps me clear my head.
- Graduating with honors! Yihaaa!
- The oppurtunity to do pastry, short course.
- Popo - for the love, the friendship, for sharing my pains, my frustrations and everything else that you didn't need in your life but still allowed to help me out.
- My personal limewire and music provider...teehee.
- Sunrises and sunsets, or even stark direct sun at 3 PM.
- Wonderful moon angles.
- Newly discovered hobby.
- Motorala V3x
- All my blessings and trials.
I pray for...
- Good health to my family, friends and loved one.
- Blessings and good graces.
- Oppurtunities to improve myself.
- More wonderful sunrises and sunsets.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/21/2006 12:06:00 PM
I have 2 minolta cameras one is the old one that uses a film and the other one, the digital camera. And they're both dead. The digicam has been sitting in my drawer because we dunno where to have it checked. And finally we know where to bring it, only it cant be fixed anymore. They said it was factory defect. WHY THE HELL WASN'T THERE A RECALL!!! AGH!
So now I am without my own camera anymore.
Me, wants new camera please?
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/21/2006 09:24:00 AM
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Yes, its's been a while since I felt this way and I don't know why I feel this way right now. I am worried, yes I am a worry wart. What could be wrong? Is there something wrong in the first place? Lord please take away these feelings.
I can't describe how I feel my heart feels like it is wrenched and heavy...argh!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/18/2006 02:46:00 AM
Friday, November 17, 2006
The first day of school, our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. "I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."
"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.
She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."(this cracked me up!)
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/17/2006 04:12:00 AM
Once again, I am the forever average person.
I got my grades yesterday, although for some my grade was okay, I can't help but be a little bummed out about it. I know it was my fault too. I made a decision to do well, late. Oh well.
I always say that those average students are actually the ones who do well in real life, because I have actually seen it in other people's stories. But just this once I wanted to have high grades. Oh well.
I am forever average. With average looks, average stature in life, average IQ (well above average), average skills (especially in architecture -- bordering mediocre). Argh.
Stuck in a rut. It's no use crying over spilt milk.
I got used to being average. I was used to settling with the mediocre than gunning for best. It has to stop. I will push out all average-ism about me and make myself better. From today onwards, I will not be average.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/17/2006 12:49:00 AM
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I havent had a nice long sleep lately. Don't ask me why. But I like it anyway. But really I need to start sleeping early. And waking myself or rather having somone wake me up at 4 am despite sleeping late is not helping. GRAH. I should start being sleepy at around 9 PM.
Anyway I got a new phone! Weeeee! Anyway I still wanna buy the SE K800i next time. Hehe.
Have not much to blog. Yesterday was uneventful. Ooh except that on the way to the hotel the cab driver I hailed doesn't know how to get there. I found it ironic because he was a cab driver. DOH!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/15/2006 10:08:00 PM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I love yellow roses. When someone asks me which kinds of flowers I like I always say, yellow roses. Others are daisies and mums.
I read Harry Potter. I can't wait for book seven!
I like creme caramel. It's one of those things I crave.
I miss watching Charmed! And Sex And The City.
Thank you...you know why.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/14/2006 07:44:00 AM
Monday, November 13, 2006
I am havng those moments again. The transition between depressed and happy. Other aspects of my life's doing really well. But theres a nag in my head, asking me --
"Where are you headed now?"
"Do you think you'll be sucessful?"
"What do you want?"
ARGH. Anyway I have a job interview tomorrow. I feel like slackin off. I dunno why. Crikes! This is bad. I think that everytime I get some sort of "high" I end up slumpin' down after. Kinda like a sugar rush with a very bad crash. Ugh. Not good, right? I need to get over this. I swear I need a change of environment. Goodluck to myself.
Rambling, and not making sense. ARGH!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/13/2006 10:29:00 AM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Yesterday was tiring. After running an adventure race for almost an hour Cams and I trooped to Claude's house because we we're supposed to watch a movie. But decided we'd go and have coffee and pollute our lungs instead.
Oh yeah, Team Adbenturera came in 12th. Thanks to my fuckin' bright idea. Grrr. Oh well it was fun though. Heheh (Thanks Cam's for inviting me!
I had fun with Ruth, Cams and Clod. Just making lewd jokes, trippy comments, practically laughing like hyenas at Mongkok and Starbucks. I kinda miss that kind of hangin' out. Just chill and talk. Dinner, movies and coffee. That's the kind of party I like right now.
I think I'm tired of the whole, sex, drugs and alcohol thing that I was into the first half of this year. Well, except for the sex part. Because no matter how drunk I was or banged up from the substance. The paranoia of getting pregnant was just too much. So I dont have sex. A couple of days ago I had a couple of shots of vodka and hated the morning after feeling so I've decided to stop drinking altogether. Ruth and I just watched them drink a couple of beers, since I didn't want to drink and Ruth can't drink.
I hope I'd see them soon enough. :) Cheers to us, girls! :)
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/12/2006 01:28:00 AM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Okay I just had vodka last night. I wish I hadnt though. Too late I realized after I was kinda slurred already. Argh. And now theres a nasty feeling of vommit from the pit of my stomach. Ugh.
I dont know how I started to turn to alcohol in times of emotional aggreviation. Seemed like a good idea at that time. Don't get me wrong I drink, occasionally. When I'm at a party or when I'm out of town with friends. We drank, we laughed and then we wake up feeling pretty wasted the next day.
I think it was late last year that I started drinking rather abnormally. I lost the habit though, or should I say forced myself to. Plus the fact that I hated the feeling already. Now I think I'm doing it again. Just a couple of days ago I made an entry under the influence of mighty vodka spirits. I was again last night thought I didn't blog. Ugh.
And what do I get for it. Headache, upset stomach, and having to go to school later and suck it up. Ugh. I hate myself now.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/09/2006 04:39:00 PM
I recenlty dabbled into photography...no not just being my usual camwhore self or taking mediocre shots of architectural wonders but actually enjoying taking the shots. I met up with Kevin and Manel last Monday. I brought my camera along so I can maybe take sunset shots but to my dismay, I wasn't able to. At 4 PM I was still frantically rushing through the usual bad traffic in Edsa. I had to make do with night shots instead.
Anyway so I started posting my pictures at deviantart.com. Glorious! Within a couple of hours of joining and submitting art, two people have added two of my pictures in their favorites. And 1 of them commented on the picture. I was beaming with pride. Hehe I checked it out again today and there it was 2 more people added my pictures, one comment, and one of them added 2 pictures. Wooohooo! I can't contain the excitement. Hehe
Weeee! Me want new camera. Hehe. Well, I think this is a good hobby. Something I can do on my off days when I start working. Just enjoy myself and such. Yay me!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/09/2006 07:09:00 AM
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Finally, the exams are over. Now I am just gonna anxiously wait for this friday so I can see my grade. Whew. I hope they're okay.
Anyway I slept for a total of 12 hours total. Thanks to someone, who literally almost begged for me to sleep. I didn't answer any of the messages even if I read them "I was sleeping."
Achtung! I need new havaianas. Okay okay, I WANT new flip flops. Hehe. I will buy when I get a job.
I'm considerably happy right now that I can forget about school for a while and just chill out. On saturday I get to have fun with a friend. Yay.
Oh yeah I was with Kevin and Manel the other night, as usual it was a nigh of coffee, pictures and talking about life, love and yes, BS. It's nice to have a guy friend around to confirm if your man is bullshit-ing you. Manel, I think was shaken up with what we've talked about she was quiet on the way home.
I can't wait for our Tagaytay trip! Yipeee!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/08/2006 04:47:00 AM
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Why do I blog? There are actually only 2 people who takes the time to read my ramblings, one of them was actually someone who influenced me into blogging. I remember my first blog, it was at blurty. I mostly wrote about boys. Those who hurt me, those who play around with me and those who are simply good enough to remember and keep. It's much like my journals, countless, senseless volumes of heart break, breaking hearts and whining. It's all so shallow. Has my blog changed? Well it still has the occasional whines but at least you dont see it at every post.
I blog mostly when I'm conflicted. Like what someone (very special) always says "the inner monologue". Funny, I laugh at him because of it. But I also do that. I remember sitting in class asking myself what I wanted to do with my life. All sorts of things started to come to me:
1. A job overseas.
2. A business idea.
3. Another year at another culinary school.
4. Tyler Florence (*sigh*)
5. Rocco Di Spirito (*sizzle*)
6. Board exams for architecture.
7. Blah blah blah.
Endless. It was fockin' frustrating so I started writing it down. Sometimes it's just a rage of thoughts that I can't quite help but feel attacked, refer to previous entry vodka and grapejuice.
I endlessly contradict, praise, encourage myself, pep talk myself through the inner monologue. It wont be a surprise to see me mumbling to myself, deep in thought and staring blankly.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/05/2006 12:35:00 AM
Friday, November 03, 2006
I am anxious. I dont know why. I am drinking vodka and grapejuice to help me calm down. It's like I should be doing something I just can't quite figure out what. Grrr.
I started doing my papers just in case I pass the interviews I will be doing soon. For the longest time I had wanted a chance to get out of my parent's clutches. In a new land, where people are different, culture is different and start anew. I dont know if the anxeity is coming from the mere fact na I can just screw up the interviews...or the exams on Monday. Lord, help me.
- I want to go overseas.
- I want to work already.
- I need to ace my practicals because I screwed up the written exams.
- I miss someone.
- Have I become a slave of my selfishness?
- Do I love myself too much now?
- What the fockin' hell is fockin wrong with me right now?
- I think I have an emotional disorder.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/03/2006 10:43:00 AM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Okay I know my previous post was Euphoric and it seems odd that now I am sad. It's just my friends are fighting and the cold war is soon going to be...well...not cold. It's sad that what you see and think was good doesn't stay that way for long.
People always leave. It's a lesson I learned the hard way. No amount of care and nurturing can ever make a person stay with you...in the end they always leave and the more you stop them the more they stay away from you. It's free will. Ultimately in the end it is our choice.
Maybe for me I thought that only boyfriends and girlfriends do that. You know romantic relationships. I never thought even friends can do that. Darn it I am still way too idealistic. Screw idealism!!!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/02/2006 10:56:00 PM
The past days have been bliss. I don't know why. Okay it isn't perfect but at least it wasn't that bad. I havent had bouts of sudden loneliness I used to have. This day is just one of those up and perky days. Hehe
I'm seeing some things differently and I am loving every moment! :)
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/02/2006 06:57:00 AM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
I went out to see World Trade Center with my pops and cousin. The movie was good. I didn't cry though but I got the shivers...darn it it's scary to imagine what if I was the one down there. I didn't cry because the overhead mic kept popping out which distracted me from being emo.
Anyway I was at Starbucks waiting for the car which never showed and I suddenly told my cousin that the next time I'd get a message from my ex I'd talk to him properly and nicely. It's my Christmas gift to him. Free him from all the guilt he still feels about our break up. I figured that I know I am over it. I was just being mean because I know I can be, and I know he will take the attitude because he knows he deserves it. And besides I don't think it'd be good to be mad at him every time he'd message me even if I wasn't really mad anymore. Harbor all of those ill feelings each time he tries to reach out. I know I came out a victor in that experience, it's made me a wiser person and a better person. And I should act the part.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/01/2006 08:57:00 AM
My life is full of cosmic jokes. Just when I'm settled someone, someone always tries to uproot me. This guy and I went out a couple of times, okay kissed on one of them. He likes me I like him but I think there's just no way we're settling with each other. Or maybe we didn't like each other THAT much. Well anyway...he sent me a text message after a long absence...I wonder what he's up to.
Oh well...I'd much rather not delve into that anymore...there are more pressing issues that need my attention.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/01/2006 01:28:00 AM
Monday, October 30, 2006
I dont know what came over me this morning but I just decided that I want my wedding recpetion to be at Antonio's. Gawd, I dont even have a groom yet. Several reasons:
1. I want to get married in Tagaytay, in one of the intimate churches there away from all the hassle.
2. I am only inviting select people max is 100 people.
3. I have always wanted a sit down dinner.
4. Antonio's is fabolous in the evenings!
5. It has the best ambiance for a hectic and hassle free wedding reception where everyone can just chill and enjoy the food.
6. Everyone has to stay and finish the entire course! BWAHAHA. Hey, it's Antonio's!
So now that I have that tiny bit of information settled, I need to find a designer for my gown, a church and more importantly a groom. I hope Antonio's will still be around when I find myself proposed to and ready to tie the knot.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/30/2006 04:59:00 AM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
In a bout of happy feet, I just had to go to Gateway to check out Goodwill Bookstore. I must've been quite a sight as I recieved a couple of blank stares and some incredulous stares from people I passed by. I was wearing a huge skirt, an off the shoulder top, heels and some face paint. I went to my god son's 1st birthday party at Saisaki in Megamall. I dropped off some kids and decided to drop by Gateway since I was already in the area. Nevertheless, halloween parties are abound and I guess I can just say I was going to one.
Anyway as it turns out Goodwill in Gateway wasn't as nice as the one in Glorietta. Okay so I on my way to the parking lot I passed by Gonuts Donuts and made a mistake of fancy-ing their blended coffee, hey, it looked interesting. IT WAS BAD. UGH! Next time I am really just gonna stick to Starbucks they have my right kind of blend.
Anyway, on the drive home my "standard" popped in my head. Well...some blog entries ago at mindsay I ranted about setting standards on friends you make and keep, potential boyfriends and well future husbands, I guess. I thought about my pops and daddy. I thought I wanted to have someone who is like them. Daddy, for being the one who encourages me not to be afraid to get what I want. He's the one who's helped mom alot on being the person she is today. He's that radient source of positive energy. And my Popsie, my papa, he tries his best, he helps me with my projects, drives me around, he helped me go through with my hellish thesis, he's a good provider and he loves me, simply because I'm the only one he's got. HEHE.
So there...the 2 great men in my lives. I wonder if I'd ever meet the other great man in my life which is both my papa and daddy in one.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/28/2006 11:06:00 AM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
We learned more tricks in getting buzzed. Watermelon and vodka. Yum! Yesterday I went to Tonets house to watch some movies, eat some pizza and drink vodka. Manay po, was hilarious!!!
I reckon Manel got bored. It was nice hangin' out like that. I wish I can do it more often.
Anyway...a ghost from the past visited me today...blasted ignore list why did you have to show whom I ignored! Anyway...I totally blew him off. I just didn't want to bother, because I knew I didn't want to be friends with him the way he wants us to. It's gonna take time if it's ever gonna get better which I doubt. A couple of reason's for that...
1. I don't trust him anymore.
2. He's a liar.
3. He betrayed me.
4. I dont have an ounce of respect for him, not anymore.
And I dont befriend people like that. I think it was a mistake even opening up myself to him in the first place.
Oh well over and done. It's time to look at the beautiful things ahead.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/22/2006 08:16:00 AM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Today I'm 24. No achievements...yet. Nothing to show for the last 24 years of existence. Well not really...I have finished architecture and will finish culinary arts in 3 weeks time. How about that?
Anyway...the day is uneventful except I gave cookies to my classmates. They liked it...thank gawd! Anyway...I'm having dinner with family. I can't help but not feel it's my day.
1. Someone irked me first thing in the morning.
2. I have exams I need to study for.
3. I'm broke. GRAAAH!
Anyway things will get better I know. At least I am now doing something I really like.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/19/2006 03:45:00 AM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
This year is my no-fuss birthday. I am not throwing a party like I did last time. I wanted to just have a small get together for pizza, some movies and couple rounds of booze with friends. But we dont seem to be getting along okay right now. My birthday is so off...first of it's like way off pay day...so I usually dont get presents...not that I am asking really...I just remember my mom buys me gifts or throws me party in advance in time for pay day...before. And it usually ALWAYS rains on my birthday or just a bit of a drizzle. Anyhow it's great I'll be 24 soon. I had a rather hazy 23rd year. And now my friends no matter how a small group we are, are in a middle of a misunderstanding...I hope we get along soon enough.
I got all the sides I wanted to hear...I am a neutral force kinda like Switzerland. I understood them all. I hope they talk soon so we can start with the booze and start chompin on the pizza.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/17/2006 01:01:00 AM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I had another "settle down" conversation with a friend. He was just happily telling me about his new relationship and I ranted about my bad taste in men:
Him: hi pareh
H: How's it going?
M: Bruho ka namiss kita!
H: di nako single...
M: OMG!!!!!! Sino sino?
M: Ako shit papaka single nalang ako forever. Sobrang crap mga boys! I like swear to god!
H: ahahaha thats cause u need men not boys
M: Alam mo I think I have really bad taste in men. I usually have like a couple of good choices but I end up with the rotten ones.
H: well, statistically your bound to get a good one
M: Work work work. Tutal I plan to migrate...so useless din magbuild ng relationship at this point.
H: tama ako bahala na may plans din family to migrate pero kung seryoso na tlgaw0oly nasa age na naman ako magpakasal eh
M: You're scary... Actually I have 2 of you that are scary. Alam mo yung may word na na kasal...
H: i dont really want to but alam mo un its always an option
M: But why is it an option if you didn't want to? Hehe pero my other friend is like so sure na...she told me...you know I'm ready to settle down...and I'm like " What?" Are you serious?! You're 23!!!
H: i dont want to cause i dont know anyone that could be ..pero if i did meet someone
M: That's great man...besides my friend always said if you dont see yourself spending a lifetime with the person your with then you're wasting your time.
Whew. How come I have friends telling me they wanna settle down at 24 are you really ready? I think my problem is that I am not contented with what I have most times even if I have so much and that I feel that I camn achieve so much more. Either that or I have achieved nothing and they already achieved so much. Darn it!
Oh yeah, I'm turning 24 soon. I have a feeling of dread...another year older...and I can't say I've been happy the year that passed. But now I have a chance to be. Anyway...I was thinking of inviting some friends, limited actually, for pizza...but I dont think they can come...there's been a huge "scam" in the group and it's really sad we're like this. Darn.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/15/2006 04:39:00 AM
For like the nth time I am changing blog adresses!!! Well not really I am just starting this new blog...but I will still post on the other one sporadically. Since my friend doesn't post on mindsay which is the reason why I even joined there. I've decided to post here instead! :) Link to my mindsay account is available. :)
Posted by soulfoolchic at 10/15/2006 03:32:00 AM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
After getting hurt from a past relationship, how does one trust again? How does one person learn to open up to another again? With all the scars from your previous relationship visible and haunting you, how do you give yourself the chance to be happy again? When you have all of these doubts that this next person might hurt you the same way the last time did?
Who am I kidding?! My ex still hurt me, I doubt he knows it. And now all I see is the deception that lies within even if it's not there. And it's not helping that the guys I've been meeting has deception written all over their faces. The monster called doubt is eating me up.
This is the reason I hate men (guys, boys shmuck) right now. I hear words without meaning. They talk alot but dont do much. They sneak around thinking they wont hurt anyone, that no one will know. But something always tells me there is a catch. Something to stop me from even trying to get to know them better. And then after awhle it's all across my face. My intuition had been right. They are a bunch of good for nothings.
I am so screwed. At the rate I am going it's gonna take me forever to find someone to love. And someone to love me.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/22/2006 12:04:00 PM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Today someone asked me what love is for me...here's what I said.
Love is when you're willing to compromise your beliefs to meet a person halfway. When you kiss that person you feel like you're "home". And even if everything is not okay just hearing that person say that everything will be okay you still believe him. Love is when you're still aiming to be the best for yourself, because you know he's with you 100%. Love is promises kept. Love is every little thing that is appreciated. And love is trustworthy, honest, loyal and faithful.
Love is the..will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's and others life..love is not a feeling
It's more than a feeling. Its in everything that you do and dont do...everything you dont say and say. It's more than "feeling" that it's love.
And we came to a conclusion: Love is relative.
And so. We're screwed. HAHA
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/13/2006 04:37:00 AM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
My cousin decided he can treat mom and me to coffee. So at 10 PM we drove to Starbucks at The Clubhouse in QC. I like that place. It's more mellow than the other Starbucks. Except Starbucks Tagaytay. Hehe. I ordered my usual since it came out. Caramel Java Chip and a Caramel Waffle. Starbucks always chases my blues away. Hehe. I know I'm such a sell out because I patronize Starbucks. But I love it.
Anyway so since my mom was around I didn't puff a smoke and did not talk about the things I usually talk to my cousin about. Well...today I'm missing him. Yeah him. So not right. Especially when you've soo decided to just let it go. Anyway...that's okay. Am I allowed to miss him once in a while? It will be almost a year after that horrid day last year. I'm supposed to be over it...but I'm not completely there yet. But I will be. Maybe its because the constant distraction at the goal...which is also him...when he texts me, or sends me an IM or whatever.
I wanna get out and run as far away as I can from him and all of our memories...good or bad they are nightmares to me now.
And meeting a-hole guys right now is sooo not helping me.
I hate men.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/12/2006 12:02:00 PM
Friday, August 11, 2006
I cant seem to figure out this person. One minute he's so attentive, the next he's not. So okay he's busy and all...according to him. Oh well...I will never really know. I dont get him, at times...seriously he confuses me. Is he really into me?
I mean come on stop playing these games...it's been going on for years. It's either a yes or a no. Go figure.
I dont know why I even bother...
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/11/2006 10:40:00 AM
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Life is a rollercoaster. My emotions are on rollercoaster...there are days when I just cant help but be so happy. There are days like this. Its like I'm so spaced out. Cluttered head. Argh. Random thoughts time.
- I want to work overseas. How? Will there be an available job to possible apply in? I heard about Shanghai. I'll go anywhere.
- There's the ex issue. I sometimes still find myself thinking of him. Enough. It should be enough.
- Business. I want one. I need one.
- I want to buy quite a couple of things but I don't want to ask for money anymore. Folks spend for school, orthodontia, and then surgery...
- Surgery...I'm scared.
- I miss someone and no it's not my ex. But oh well. Guess he doesn't miss me you know.
- I miss some friends at the same time, I also resent them for being so busy.
- I want coffee.
- I maybe coming down with colds. Argh.
- I need to get out of this house...seriously.
- Is there anybody who can love me?
- I want to be happy.
- I miss ME.
- I should stop...
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/10/2006 10:58:00 AM
Monday, August 07, 2006
I made a decision several months ago.
1. To let go.
2. To have faith.
3. To stop hurting.
4. To forgive myself.
I dont know why I was back in that rut that I was shoved into the first quarter of 2006. But I dont want to move forward with pain my heart and with eyes that no longer lights up to the what the world shows her.
I used to be a happy person. Until I let myself drown in someone else's personality. Until I let him conquer me. And I want myself back. Not a fake "self" but what I was. Before all of this...when I was still whole.
I should be a like a phoenix...able to rise from my own ashes and be a better person...a phoenix that of which tears' can heal wounds...even those that are deep in my heart...
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/07/2006 11:12:00 AM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Trying to shake off all hopes of hearing from him again. Weird. I know I asked for it but it's just that I had hoped for an answered prayer. Maybe my prayers dont go all the way up to heaven.
Are feelings really that fleeting, that one minute you feel so miserable after having lost someone because of your doing and then feeling like nothing happened the next minute?
I'm depressed and lost. I hate myelf for believing you. Maybe someone can just show me the way to be loved.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/05/2006 09:27:00 AM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I was watching OTH earlier. The episode was the aftermath of the shootout last episode. I just realized that even the most beautiful, popular or sought after girl also waits to be loved. Brooke is the most popular girl in Tree Hill High. And she's dating Lucas, who cheated on her with her bestfriend Peyton, who at this episode pushes her because of his issues. But when he approached her to say sorry and make up for his crappy attitude Brooke welcomes him and forgives him because she loves him.
Why? Why do we allow people to treat us this way?
Anyway I am fully aware that OTH is just a show but some of the things that happen to them reflects what happens even if there are not hefty paychecks, lights and cameras.
That even if you're beautiful, popular, desirable and etc. When it comes to loving...we all wait patiently...
Posted by soulfoolchic at 8/01/2006 09:28:00 AM
Friday, July 28, 2006
From Nadine's Blog - She revised it. It caught my attention. I also added somethings to it...
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/114087824.html --->If you wanna read the original article.
Tribute to nice girls.
To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.
This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope. that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and flipflops, who care more than they should for guys who don't really deserve that much of their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea", to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.
This is for the girls who have to pretend it doesn't hurt because she knows that even though her friends say "you're better off without him" or "he doesn't deserve you", she knows that they words were from the heart, but they don't mend hers. This is for the girl who poured her heart into something hoping he'd realize how much he meant to her and how much she meant to him, only to discover that she meant nothing to him all along. This is for the girl who had followed her heart, threw away her inhibitions, thought she had triumphed over all the obstacles, only to find out that her Prince had returned to his "ex-princess". This is for all the nights she listened to every song they heard together, replayed all the times he told her he liked her, looked at every picture they had together, and thought if only she could figure out the exact moment she lost him... This is for all the times she had told herself to be strong and Let It Go, only to find herself calling her friend at twelve midnight to tell her she thinks she's going crazy because he won't get out of her mind. This is for all the bestfriends who never faltered to try and pick up their friends from off the floor to give them a hug they know they need. This is for the countless nights they stayed up together trying to find an explanation for a "true love" gone wrong. This is for how bad it hurts coming up with no conclusion and just one simple question with no answer... WHY?
This is for the girl who swore to never let anyone hurt her that bad again, only to find herself falling for someone who poured salt on that wound. For the girl who needed someone there for her after a bad break up, only to discover that months into it, he had hurt her and used her more than she had been with the previous. This is for the girl who gets called his "true love" on the phone, his "future wife" to her family, and "just a friend" to his friends and other girls. This is for the many times he had walked back into her life and left, just as quick. This is for the girl who took a risk on the guy that swore they were special, gave herself to him, and was left with nothing more than bruises....
sometimes, prayers dont get answered, nor do wishes come true. and maybe, just maybe, you should accept the truth you had known and ignored for so long.
give up. sometimes it's just not meant to be..
Eventually you will come to the point where in you know you have to just let it go. And it's time you give yourself the attention and love that you deserve, that no other person can ever give you.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 7/28/2006 10:58:00 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
No matter how hard I tried to be contented of what I have in my life in order to be happy I just cant seem to get out of the rut I am in. I know this has something to do with my ex-boyfriend.
Gawd, I loved him. Maybe I still do. But I dont want to be anymore it's been a couple of months since we broke up already. I miss him. Hard as it is to admit but I do. It sucks that I am stuck in this limbo and him...god know what the hell he is up to.
He has been keepin in touch a text message every now and then. I dont know what the hell he is up to and I have given up trying to understand what he wants with me. Maybe he just wants me to be miserable all the time. Maybe he enjoys seeing me unhappy.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 7/26/2006 12:14:00 PM
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Last night I had tons of fun with Ella and Myles. I met them online. The wonderful world of PEXing, I discovered PEX a looong time ago. A friend of mine had told me about it. But it wasn’t after last year around June that I had become so active at participating at the discussions. At first I was just posting at the Love Threads. And then there was the Travel Thread, the Academic Thread and Lifestyle. I had nothing better to do at work. So, during those “I can cry because of boredom” moments I pexed, good thing the server allowed the website to be accessed to. Well I had come and gone from that boring job, and I continued pexing until I got my heart broken and then after...enter Ella, AJ and Mark.
I have met several people there. Some were insignificant, some I haven’t met in person. And then there was Ella, AJ, Mark and Myles. The latest addition to our little group. Ella and I had pretty much the same situation a while back. I commented, posted and ranted a lot on her thread because I can relate to it. And through the rants and what nots we formed friendship. AJ and Mark, our “meant to be couple”, are also regulars on our rant and post thread and thus the friendship. Myles, our latest recruit, I think she took pity on Ella and I and decided we needed her professional help. She’s a social worker and a psychologist? We’re her patients. HAHA
Anyway we had dinner at Greenbelt 2 at UVA - (Thanks Ella!). And because we are so perfect we had taken to fancy at people watching. We were laughing, poking fun at each other and at the sometimes oblivious people and not so oblivious ones. And there was a group of guys walking past and at the same time we were talking about Sway. Myles suddenly said that he was in town. And then we were snickering at this dude who was the less appealing version of Sway. And then out of nowhere he approached the window and knocked at it. We were like, what the hell?! And then he decided to invite himself to our table and had the galls to even ask us to join them. It was supposed to be his birthday. Myles was such a smart ass, greeted him Happy Birthday. HAHA. Anyway that was fun.
I also met Myles’ cute friend, Eric. I think I know too many Eric’s. HAHA But he’s cute, he’s welcome to stay in my life. HEHE
Posted by soulfoolchic at 7/23/2006 12:15:00 PM
Friday, July 21, 2006
I'm sorry, for hurting you. I know I've been hard to deal with. For picking fights, because I wanted to prove something to myself. I've done this before. His name was Mike. He loved me too. And I hurt him, the way I am hurting you now. I know I will pay dearly for being rash and reckless with handling my feelings and your feelings. Please forgive me. You'll never understand and I dont wish for you to understand ever because even I dont understand why I've gone the extra mile to cause you so much pain. I wish I had a bigger heart. Big enough to love you...the way I loved the person who took away most of the love I had.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 7/21/2006 04:07:00 PM
Monday, June 26, 2006
Seriously! There are just too many plans that are cramming in my head.
1. I want additional background on Pastry Arts and Breadbaking, Sugar blowing, Chocolates (even if I'm not very fond of pralines).
2. I want to take up wine-tasting and bartending.
3. I want to take Asian cooking. Extra stuff.
4. I want the T-shirt/Clothes business/coffee shop.
5. Going crazy.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 6/26/2006 09:49:00 AM
Friday, June 23, 2006
I have friends who set standards. I myself set standards for my own life. I remember my friend who said "I am never gonna fall in love with a regular guy." She said she wanted somebody who has -- money, power, influence. At first I felt insulted -- I only wanted someone who would love me, someone I can also love, someone who will accept me for whoever I am. Inspite of my being flawed and human. Well guess what...I realized...we can all get what we want. Everything is attainable. So what was I thinking selling myself short?
I realized it was okay to set standards...on friendships, on relationships. I studied my friends...yes, I set standard on friends. Yes, I dont judge people but I choose who I become friends with. I usually go with those people who I got along with. So there...it's a standard. Right?
So I can also set a standard in choosing a partner. He could be at least a collage graduate from a reputable school, with a non-sissy course. He could be a board/bar passer if what he finished in college required this exam. He could be someone who was honest, respectable, with good breeding, open-minded, liberal, out going and accomodating. He could be someone who would easily get along with my friends. He must be someone who can stand up for me too. Someone who didn't need to do a** kissing for anyone just to get by. Someone who can speak good english, articulate, ambitious, well-read, well-mannered...and the list goes on. Why am I doing this? Because I am a well-educated person. I am liberal, open-minded, ambitious...I am alot of things. I was brought up properly. I have overly scrutinizing folks who would say everything and anything about people around me.
My grandma would always tell me, "I have so much to offer, I shouldn't settle for less. I must find someone who can level with me."
And she's right.
I may have done some stupid things the last couple of months but it has helped me reach to where I am right now. I gained lessons. I gained experience. I realized alot. And I'm happy I was miserable for a while...for if not. I may still be out there lost, scared, pining for someone.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 6/23/2006 09:44:00 AM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Okay now dont give me the line..."Not even your mom or dad?"
Seriously...I'm not sure I want a relationship right now. But I kinda miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved back. Actually I think I love somene right now...but I'm having a hard time figuring out if he loves me too. The thing is afterall those shitty relationships, it seems I havent learned my lesson yet.
1. Love myself.
2. Keep the mystery.
3. Dont lose myself.
God, please help me. I know I don't deserve it because I don't go to church and all but I'll still ask.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 6/13/2006 05:18:00 AM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
I havent stopped smiling today. Well except for the 30-minute bitchin' I got from my mom. I guess now I have a reason to smile genuinely. No more fake smiles for me.
I heard that word again...forever. Although it would be fun to think about it...it wont be right. No such thing. I'll embrace what I have right now. Bathe in the gloriousness of it. It has come and it will go, eventually. And that part I have accepted. Till that day comes...I'm a happy face.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 6/04/2006 09:01:00 AM
Friday, June 02, 2006
How can you allow yourself to fall in love when just the mere thought of it is already breaking your heart?
Someone shoot me now. I think I am indeed on the edge of falling for someone. This can't be happening to me. Not yet. Not so soon. Not after the pain.
So how does one control these fluttery nice feelings when that person says hi? When he says something really sweet?. Something unexpected? Cant believe I am smiling through writing this entry!
He is way out of my league. Unattainable. Why do I hurt myself like this?
Someone shoot me. NOW.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 6/02/2006 07:16:00 AM
Sunday, May 28, 2006
"Part of the fantasy of every betrayed women is that one day the guy will come back and answer all your questions, and apologize for hurting you. But the thing is, he wont. He'll die a liar and will feel good about himself. That is how selfish he is. He cant give you closure, you have to find it yourself. You get angry with him then you get over him. Bless him in your mind and have peace with yourself. When or if he comes back you can say hi and goodbye in the same sentence."- Tere Hao
I feel this paragraph. A week ago my past crept up to me again and blew my collected self out of wits again. After I blurted out some rather hurtful words, he managed to message me again a couple of days after. Gawd, I figured there is absolutely no use in trying to blow him off or trying to run away from him.
I finally just agreed to what he wanted half hoping he'd just disappear over time kind of like the ones who already did.
".. he cant give you closure"
No one can ever give us closure it is something we should attain ourselves. Closure is when we finally decide and accept that it was over. And wont bother with questions such as what happened, why it happened, and how it happened, anymore. It is within ourselves.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 5/28/2006 11:23:00 AM
Sunday, May 21, 2006
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!"- Carrie Bradshaw
One of the many remembered quotes from Sex And The City. Gawd I miss that show. Some people think it's non sense But you actually get something out of it. Life long lessons on life, love and well...sex. But sometimes they, the characters, immortalize some things that girls or generally people can relate to.
I love Samantha Jones the most. She is absolutely my kind of woman. Not afraid to say things that she wants, do things that she wants to do. She wants something she gets it. I wanna be like her. Someday I will be.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 5/21/2006 05:50:00 AM
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Goodbye. Yes I know that it is inevitable but I really hate it. Why does everything eventually end? So we can start again...I guess.
When are goodbyes good? When they make you cry and mope in a corner...even for a love that you thought will last...it doesn't...everything just ends...eventually.
I just said goodbye to someone. Well even though we only hanged out for a while...I cant help but be sad that he's leaving...so soon! I know I can always give him a call...or I will see him online and we can chat...but the 3 times we met up and chatted seemed so much more.
He said. No goodbyes, just see you laters...
Indeed...I wish everything is just a matter of see you laters...
Bon voyage...see you soon friend.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 5/11/2006 10:42:00 AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I just got a text message from a friend ranting about her former "love interest". I thought she said it was over...I guess it really wasnt.
I had told myself I am over. But I read thru some blog entries...and then it wasn't over. I may not be pining for him or longing for him to come back to me. But the pain is there it is evident.
When is it over?
- Manel Castro
"When you wake up not thinking when is it over..."
Posted by soulfoolchic at 5/10/2006 11:28:00 AM
Sunday, May 07, 2006
I went out yesterday, supposedly to commune with myself. For the longest time I had wanted to get out alone and just sit there, stare at the nothingness, mull over some things, analyze, realize and execute. Oh well. Yesterday wasn't what I had expected to be. For the 2nd time my alone time wasnt alone time. I went up to Tagaytay with two very good friends who didn't know each other, now they do. Manel has been my friend since we were in 6th grade. Kevin WAS my online friend from New York who patiently listened to me rant, listened to me cry during the worst part of 2005. I know the worst is yet to come...oh well.
We spoke of a lot of things from ranting about how hot it was, to how we needed to stop smoking, to panting as we go up that blasted stairway from hell...seriuosly those risers are pure torture, to our revelation table admist a very nice view. Now that I think about it I think the view was wasted on us..hehe. From Manel's analytic view of life, relationships and what nots to Kevin's persistent "no comment" comment to my absurd sex lines that probably gained a couple of curious stares.
What I remember most of yesterday was this...quoting Kev
There's no such thing as "the one". You make that person "the one".
Posted by soulfoolchic at 5/07/2006 08:10:00 AM