Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The inner struggle...

I've always pondered about life, my life. I always searched for something that I think I'm missing. I'd read books or magazine articles that taught me that it's okay to dream, that it's a choice to be happy, that being positive brings out the positive things in your life. Sadly, I am always at a loss of how to apply these things to myself.

Even if I shared these things to friends when they go through difficult things, and I appear to be someone whose full or wisdom and knowledge, the truth is I'm not. It's not that I'm faking it. No. It's just when I'm faced with my life's adversities instead of remembering the lessons I learned from reading or from previous experience I breakdown. I choose to be weak. I choose to be ignorant. I choose to lose.

I know I can be happy but I choose not to be. I know I can win and be the best but I choose mediocrity. I know life is simple, I can choose what I want to experience in my life but instead I choose to stay conflicted, lost and wallowing in misery that is not even existent.

I know what it's like to choose happiness. I've experienced unexplainable happiness just by choosing that it is what I want to experience in my life. I've lived out magic moments that I never thought I'd actually experience in my life. Why then am I settling for mediocrity if there's such that I KNOW I can experience and have?

Because...maybe it's human nature to be such. Because we refuse to consider that maybe, just maybe, that sort of life - a life that's light and free, is possible. We have all resigned ourselves to what society says that life is. It said that "Life is hard." When it's not, it's really not THAT hard. It's actually simpler than we think. Much much simpler than we think.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

My legs hurt...

I'm idle. I miss running around in that smelly kitchen trying to perfect all my tasks. *sigh* My legs hurt from not standing 7-8 hours a day. I miss the waiters barking orders or asking me to fix them a sandwich. HAHA

Anyway...I hope to start working again soon! :)

Sunday, May 27, 2007

A Series of Unfortunate Events.

I just noticed that ever since I got together with my Bubu, we have had a series of unfortunate things happening to us.

1. The corinthian hills incident.
2. $100.
3. Bubu got robbed today.

Is the universe telling us something? Or is it a test of whatever? Maybe karma, for the little white lies. Oh well. I hope we have learned our lessons.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I miss...

I've been reading the Prince the ones he wrote. I kinda miss them.

"You are my be profound as possible, I chose you. I will continue to adore you."
- My Prince

Wala lang, it made me smile...

Fudge and whole lotta shitty more!

Owgademmit! I just weighed myself and tantananan!!! I just gained 2 pounds!!! Two freakin' pounds that I worked so hard to lose. I am so going back on my half cup of carb a day diet. Okay so the last week I was with my Bubu almost everyday, except Sunday (ayos ka, Sunday pa talaga!), so I heard mass with my friend Manel. But let's not even go into the details of what the homily was about. *snickers*

Since I'm always with Bubu, he makes me finish my meals every time, even if I am close to throwing up already. I know, some people don't eat even a single meal in a day, but can't I just take home the rest? WAH! So, I'm going on a hunger strike. Hay. This is getting me depressed, AGAIN! And I just got out of the emo mood I was in last Sunday. Anyway...oh well...and I'm gonna haul my mom's ass to walking!

I'm starting to miss my Bubu! *someone bitch slap me!*

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lost Sunset...

I was on my way home and I noticed that glorious sun just starting to change the sky's palette of the usual bright white light to a subdued yellowish and pink glow as it sets amidst the towering skyscrapers of Fort Bonifacio. How I wish I had my camera with me.

Now that sunset is lost. Next week, I will go and find that sunset again. :)

Monday, May 14, 2007


You know how people say that everything is all about timing? Or that in God's will everything will fall into place. Or that everything is beautiful in God's time?

I was talking to Mom and she was telling me about timing. How she now understood why she came to the US at that time, and how she met dad at the right time, where dad was just about ready to get serious with life and stuff. So anyway, I started musing over this tiny bit of wisdom and learning. I wondered, if timing is everything, did I enter my boyfriend's life at the right time? And when will the right time to go abroad come? Will everything else that will happen (or those that's already come and gone) come at the right time?

That everything does not merely happen by happens because the time is right for it to happen.

Rambling and not making sense...argh!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

People come and go...

This is one of the hardest lessons I had to learn and experience in my life. Sadly, as we grow, there are pieces of us, parts of our lives that we leave behind. This doesn't exclude lovers, friends and family. It's sad that although you go through the hardest things with someone, this doesn't assure you that this person will stay in your life.

As we grow, we can't help it. We change, we start to look for things that fit into the kind of life we would like to lead. And sadly even if we don't want to, to be able to gain something, we must also let go something else. A lot of things cannot coexist. A lot of things can only be good for you at one point.

I've lost a lot to these so-called changes. And it's not going to stop. As I continue to gain...I will also continue to lose another.

Julie: It's just weird how time erases things.
Fern: Time doesn't erase things, people erase things.
Julie: Yeah, people erase people.
- Excerpt, Jawbreaker

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


I just read this thread, the girl is asking if it's considered shallow that she's wondering why her boyfriend doesn't give her flowers. Hellooo! Of course it's shallow!

Okay I'm not saying I don't like flowers. I do. I love yellow roses. And I appreciate being given them, although I prefer the potted kind. But these so called signs of love or signs that you're special to someone will die, wilt and shrivel up to an ugly piece of mess. Not to mention, it stinks and tends to become a breeding ground for mosquitoes.

How come some people notice it when they're given flowers or anything else for that matter but don't notice what someone does to make them happy? How come you feel special when you're given flowers but not when he's taking time off from work to spend time with you? Stuff like that? Duh!

Flowers die. Even potted ones will die. But simple gestures like bringing you home to make sure you got home okay, or maybe giving you 100 g of your fave candy from Candy Mix are better than a bouquet of expensive flowers.

Cynical. Is it because those people who gave me flowers turned out to be jerks. HEHE.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


And get a scorching SUNBURN! Owww yeah! Nothing will make me happier right now than a beach front casita, preferably with a hammock or lounge chair out front, the bright sun, the smell of my suntan lotion and of course my beau. HEHE

I want to stare at the clear blue sea.

I want to drink cool coconut juice from the coconut fruit...

Or maybe try that chic pinacolada...or that ever refreshing mais con hielo...

I want to feel the sand under my bare feet.

I want to feel the sun's skin piercing heat.

I want to sit and watch the sun as it sets at the horizon.

And when I wake up the next day, I will sit and watch the sun rise to a brand new day.

And of course not forget to take pictures...

Just a doesn't even have to be Boracay.