Trust only the trustworthy.

When I was 16 I met a wonderful, well some were still wonderful to this day, bunch of people. There was Antonette, April and Nicee. We met at the silliest circumstance. April was my school mate who saw my clear book articles and pin-ups of the Backstreetboys sometime in 1997. We met Antonette and Nicee soon after. And we were inseparable. We'd go out together usually to "band-chase" or just well, hang out.

April, having met her asshole ex-boyfriend preferred him over us and so we let her. We let her make her mistakes and learn her lessons and boy did it take a while.

Nicee, we discovered was a liar. She probably didn't know what else to do with her life. I don't know what particular things she lied about but there were some ridiculous stories, such as:

- Her mom hates us because we don't go to the same church. - We met her mom, she was nice.
- She was sick with something really terrible. She said she has a brain tumor.
- She said she was in the hospital. - While talking to Antonette, her brother picked up the phone. Boy, that must've been some suite she was in. She had two phones!
- She was mugged. - Yet, she had money to take a cab to Tonet's place with her cellphone and jewelries still intact.

'Nuff said. I tried to be friends with her after I found out about those but I couldn't take it. There was a small voice in my had that screamed "She's lying!" every time she shared some story to me. So I told her, I didn't want to talk to her again and that she should stop calling me. I dont hate her for what she did, I just dont bother anymore.

My ex-boyfriend was also a pathological liar. And I was actually stupid enough to let some of those lies get right past even if there was a voice in my head that said other wise. When I realized this I was furious. At first I was mad at him for being a liar. But more importantly I was mad at myself, for listening to him, for still understanding him despite the lies and for making myself believe that he was telling the truth when the cold harsh fact that the truth was standing right across me ready to bitch slap me.

Trust. It's something that I readily give to someone, even someone I barely know. But it's not something that can be earned back. Especially if that trust that was broken was mine. My friends call me gullible loads of times. I'd believe anything people told me. I don't know if I had that much faith in people or that I am just a total naivete. But I know that I accept people for what the are, or what they show me. I'd believe and trust them to be telling the truth, not even thinking twice if it was indeed the truth. Yes, I am naive and gullible. I realize it is my disadvantage. Plus the fact that I can't say a lie straight faced.

But once I find out that the person was lying to me or that he lied to me or that he pretended to be something hes not, then I withdraw. I wont care for an explanation, if that little voice in my head screamed liar or dishonest. Then I stop caring. I wont waste anymore braincells.

I know harsh right? I admit I am not a saint. I have lied a couple of times successfully, to my parents of my whereabouts or what I was doing. White lies that I had to tell with my back to them or through the phone. Which I, by the way, would end up outing myself from sheer guilt of having told a lie.

And so I therefore conclude that I am fuckin' screwed. Agh!

More than 20 questions...

What time is it? 1:23 PM

LET’S GET DOWN TO THE BASICS

01. Name? Theodorica Angeles

02. Nickname? Rica, Rix,

03. Date of Birth?

04. Place of Birth? Quezon City

05. Height? 5'5"ish.

06. Hair Color? Black

07. Eye Color? Brown

08. Occupation? All-time bum. GRAAAH!

09. Brothers? Sisters? 2 cousins I consider siblings...Don and Martin

10. Living arrangement? Still with my folks.

FAVES
01. Hobbies? Recently taking pictures - point and shoot kind of thing, going on Charmed marathons - thanks for the dvds!, cooking, going to a bookstore to browse it's massive culinary titles, blogging, and whatever else idle minds think of.

02. Color? Blue, Green, Pink

03. Time of the Day? Early Morning - Like dawn, Late afternoons, great for taking pictures! Hehe

04. Day of the Week? Saturday

05. Holiday? CHRISTMAS!!!

06. Number? 8

07. TV Show/s? - Charmed, Sex And The City, One Tree Hill, The Hills, Barefoot Contessa, Tyler's Ultimate, Wolfgang Puck's Cooking Class, How Do I Look?, America's Next Top Model, Follow That Food, Unwrapped, Laguna Beach, Pimp My Ride, etc.

08. Movie/s? I have loads mostly chick flicks, Clueless, Little Women, Save The Last Dance, The Guardian, The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, eeek...I forgot those that I like hehe.

09. Movie quote? You make me wanna be a better man. - As Good As It Gets...bwahahahaha.

10. Actor/s? NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

11. Actress/es? NO ONE IN PARTICULAR ALSO

12. Music? I have loads its better to talk in genres I like mostly r n b, hip hop, mainstream pop, some alternative songs, oldies, recently into a bit of house, etc

13. CD/s? Really? That's why I have iTunes. Hahaha

14. Singer/s or Band/s? NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

15. Sport/s? I still wanna learn how to play Tennis. I like Badminton. Dammit I havent got a chance to play anything anymore!

16. Athlete/s? I'm not big on sports people. I just watch and don't bother who plays what. I remember I liked Shaq.

17. Team/s? NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF.

18. Book? Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, Harry Potter Series, Veronika Decides To Die, The Alchemist, The Fifth Mountain, Eleven Minutes, The Joy of Baking, Professional Cooking - Wayne Gisslen. My Best Life NOW! I wanna buy Alaine Ducasse's Encylopedia of Culinary Arts and Pastry Arts.

19. Author? Paulo Coelho

20. Magazine? COOK, FOOD, Cosmopolitan

21. Food? I dont want anything that screams western cooking right now. Had enough at school.

22. Drink? Starbucks' Caramel Affogato, White Chocolate Mocha and Caramel Java Chip, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's Caramel Ice Blended, Mudslide, Phi Bar's Strawberry Caprioska. Sarsi, Sarsi Float.

23. Ice Cream? FIC's Strawberry, Nangkasuy, Vanilla, Chocnut, Magnolia's Banana Caramel Cake, Selecta's Double Dutch, Dreyer's Cookies and Cream, my own chocnut ice cream!

24. Chocolate or Candy Bar? Lindt Wafer Chocolate Bar.

25. Restaurant? No particular place. I like to try out different restaurants.

26. Fast food place? Good ol Mc Donald's.

27. Alcoholic drink? Phi Bar's Caprioska, Mudslide, Cosmopolitan

28. Hangout? Well...I dont frequent a particular place I get bored easily. If there's really one spot it'd be Starbucks.

29. Casual wear? Shirt, jeans and flipflops kinda girl.

30. Mall? Megamall, Greenhills, Glorietta, Podium, Shangrila, Rockwell

31. Flower? Yellow roses, daisies, mums

32. Swear word? Whatever comes out of my mouth.

33. Subject/s in school? Lets see...there's lecture and kitchen. I'd rather go with kitchen! HAHAHA. College? History of Architecture and Design.

34. Smells/scents? Green Tea, Light Blue, Be Delicious On guys: Hugo Boss - green one, Issey Miyake, Lucky

35. Thing about yourself? I love myself period!

MEMORY TEST
01. Memory you miss most? Grade school, college.

02. Biggest regret? Not writing to Pope John Paul sooner, opting to go for a degree in Architecture...

03. Ever cried in public? Yes.

04. Ever fallen asleep in a movie theater? No not yet.

05. Ever gone skinny-dipping? No.

06. Ever made prank calls? Yeah. It was how I met my besty Marjon. Haha

07. Ever skipped school? Yeah.

08. Ever been in a car crash? No thank God not yet.

09. Number of buddies on your online messenger? No idea.

10. Number of times you failed your driver’s license test? I passed the first time.

11. Nicest person you’ve met this year? Kevin, Ella, Myles, AJ, couch peeps, well technically my classmates in ISCAHM I met last year...

12. People you wish you never met? Well I used to wish I'd have never met Donald. But I did and I have learned countless lessons from that relationship. So in a way thanks.

13. People you wish to meet this year or soon? "The one" -- Okay fine, Kevin there is no such thing as the one! You make that person the one. I wish for wonderful colleagues who will teach me loads of things to perfect myself (whoa! perfect) as a commis and future executive chef. Naks.

14. Most embarrassing moment this year? Hmmm....well...there was being yelled at by Chef Mike for messing up his lasagna

15. Proudest moment? I got 3rd honors at my graduation from ISCAHM. Getting a gold medal in the competetion.

DO YOU…
01. Drive? What do you drive? Yes. Higlander SL 2000, I think. It's high time I drive something else!

02. Have a dream car? What is it? I have loads! 2007 Audi Q7, BMW X5, BMW series 1, Ford Mustang (2006), 2000 Viper RT-10, Mazda RX-8, 2006 Audi TT 180 Roadster FrontTrak, 2006 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, 2006 Ford GT Coupe, 2006 Mitsubishi Montero, 2006 Volvo XC90, Dream right? A more attainable dream car would be a Mazda 3 Hatchback.

03. Smoke? Social smoker...

04. Have any pets? Yes. I love him. Diego!

05. Believe in angels? Yeah.

06. Believe in heaven & hell? Yeah.

07. Believe in God? YES!

08. Sleep with a stuffed animal? Nope.

09. Own one or two pillows? 2 pillows.

10. Have a tattoo? Think of getting one? Nope and yes! If I can bear the pain why the hell not! I already have a design!

11. Have piercings? Think of getting some? One on each ear.

12. Have friends who live in other countries? Yeah.

13. Eat breakfast? I try, or when I wake up early.

14. Get motion sickness? No not really.

15. Get along with your parents? Yeah.

16. Get along with your brothers/sisters? Yeah.

17. Want to get your hair dyed? No thanks.

18. Type with your fingers on the right keys? Nope.

19. Sing in the shower? What song? Yeah anything I fancy.

20. Believe in yourself? Yes!

LOVE or SOMETHING LIKE IT
01. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? How many have you had? I had a couple...I wont start counting.

02. If you could go out with anyone in the world, who would it be? Brian Littrell!!! HAHAHAHA And my "Brian" Teehee.

03. What do you first notice about the opposite sex? Lips, sorry I'm a sucker for pouty lower lips.

04. Biggest turn-on? Intelligence, assertiveness and confidence.

05. Ideal girl/guy? Now I am very much idealistic. I'd want a guy who has principles, ambitions, God-fearing, a good provider, someone who can calm me down in those madly furious moments, someone who can purr to me just as my pet Diego does, an optimist, a dreamer who isn't afraid to go and get what they dream of, want or what they know they deserve. Someone who will respect me, my family, my principles, values and decisions. I can go on and on. I know God will provide me with him. HEHEHE

06. Do you picture yourself getting married? How soon will that be? Yes. I want to be. Someday. But I am already sort of planning my wedding hehe.

07. Want kids? How many? Yes. At least 3.

08. Future son’s name/s? Future daughter’s name/s? I wont tell...pero I have a couple of choices already.

09. Honeymoon (where)? Greece!!! Bora bora!!! Fiji!!! Paris!!! Venice!!! Carribean!!!! Meditteranean Cruise!!! Hehehe

10. Where will you live? Anywhere as long as I can get a job as Chef and as long as I am with mah man.

SERIOUSLY, NOW…
01. Who (or what kind of people) do you look up to or admire? - People who are passionate about life and what they do. Those who share their experiences and lessons and impart knowledge in a non-preachy sort of way. People who aren't afraid to be the best person they can be.

02. What is a hero? - Someone who is passionate about their beliefs, values, and principles.

03. 3 things you wish would happen to someone else? (1) That my family will be able to live a long and healthy life (2) That my friends will find a way to hear each other out and sort out their differences; (3) For my friends who are in pain, emotionally, physically and spiritually, that they may find peace and come into terms with themselves.

04. 3 things you would wanna do before dying? (1) Leave my mark on the culinary world (2) Make my dad see that I was right in choosing to leave architecture behind and start another dream where I am happier and more comfortable with. (3) Put up a foundation who will help children and elderly people.

05. Are you happy with your life? Yes very much so.

HOW SILLY AM I FOR ASKING THESE
01. Are you right-handed, left-handed, or ambidextrous? Right handed

02. What is printed on your mousepad? - Nothing. hehe

03. What is under your bed? Errr dust.

04. Place you want to visit but never have? Bora bora!

05. Single store you would choose to max your credit card? Dolce and Gabana! Shit this was hard!

06. What do you do when you are bored? Err suff.

07. What do you do when you are mad/angry/frustrated? I cry. I pray. I think.

08. Time you usually go to bed? 2 am ish

09. Time you are usually online? For how long, on average? - Varies.

10. Mood in the morning when you wake up? Still sleepy!

11. Are you an indoor or outdoor type of person? Depends on the weather. But I rather like outdoors.

12. What are your pet peeves? Bad grammar, bad diction, bad pronunciation, undercooked chicken, dirty restrooms, dirty white shorts.

13. What is your greatest fear? Failure, but I realized failures are oppurtunities to learn. So I guess not being able to give my family a good life is more appropriate.

14. If you had to kill someone, who would it be? The source of all evil. Osama Bin Laden! HAHAHAH. Thou shall not kill. So I wont.

15. If you have one nuclear bomb, what would you do with it? Surrender it to the authorities. They'd know how to disarm it.


What time is it now? 4:45 pm

Do you have something better to do than answer these questions? I do now! Popo just asked me to call! HAHA

Forgive and Forget.

I commented on my friend's blog about her still bothering to talk to her ex.

And she replied "HAHAHA. nah, i dont want to burn bridges kasi. why? coz 1, you dont know when you'll need these people (hehe).. and 2, if God can forgive all types of sinners, then who are we not to? di ba? but that's just how i think these days. "

Hmmm...so I thought. Is the reason why I refuse to talk to my ex, Donald, is because I haven't forgiven him for all the things that happened between us?

Gahd, that was exactly a year and a day ago from today. I admit it took me awhile to actually get a hold of myself. I realized I have long gotten over the heartbreak but blinded myself from the lessons and endless realizations that I saw after I told myself that, that was it. It's time to come off the trashy vibe and concentrate on myself, my dreams, my goals and not let anything stand in my way of achieving them.

I am happy now, contented with what I have achieved and have so far, and I'm going to make myelf a better and successful person that I can be. Relationship wise, I have had some of those what you might call minor inconveniences and I have long since gotten my act together.

So, have I forgiven Donald? Am I ready to forget it?

Answer? *pauses to look at the deepest recesses of my heart and soul*

Yes. I have forgiven him. I have forgotten the pain and I have learned from that experience.

It is only because I couldn't trust him anymore and I lost respect for him, and its the reason why I don't want to bother talking to him or establishing ties. I mean really how do you trust someone whose lied to you so many times? He's just like my ex-friend Nicee. They belong to the same category now, the learn from these people, ignore them and forget you were even friends with them category.

Sorry. It's just me.

I would be a good photographer. BOW.

So I guess I am now worthy of a Sony Alpha DSLR- A100W. Wooooot wooooot.

I was with Kevin, Manel and a friend of Manel's, Chris last night at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Greenbelt. Kevin, thanks for dinner. That was fun! I decided to show off my pictures to Manel. The ones I took last Friday at Mall Of Asia, Boardwalk. I got good reviews from Kevin, early on. Teehee. I get so giggly when someone gives nice comments on my pictures. And she showed it to Chris. HEHE He said they were nice. Woooooot!

Actually he said in a text message to Manel. "She'll make a good photographer." Wooot.

Yesterday was fun, tiring though drove to almost half the town. Kinda wanted to forget that Popo is in Subic, and left me here in Manila. ARGH! Didn't get fireworks shots although, I got my own tripod. Wooot. I can't wait to do fireworks shots next week! Wooot!

Excited!

Blah blah day.

Today was blah. It was boring. I drove mom to the pain rehab thing and got so pissed at her. I am not driving her there again and wait for her. I'll drop her off next time.

I am waiting for something to come through. HARGH! I hate waiting I dont have the patience for it. Dammit.

I hate it, my bestfriend chose the perfect time to ignore my texts and calls, as usual her head is where the band is she seems to have forgotten that she told me she'll give me the pictures today. I needed the whole body shots and passport pictures ASAP. ARGH.

But there's a saying, good things come to people who wait.

Oh yeah one more, Patience is a virtue.

Dammit, I still hate waiting.

My gahd! I am fuckin' fat.

I had some pictures taken earlier. I'm fat. Dammit! I am so fuckin' fat. Anyway so I have to lose weight.

Anyway I really hate driving home alone. I wanted to stop by Starbucks because I was almost falling asleep on the wheel! And no, I dont take valiums anymore. But the traffic turned me off. It was one of those brainless idle moments when stuff keeps on popping up and my inner debate teams start setting up their stands. The "bitch" (the name I call my alter ego), was gnawing on today's events, analyzing and nitpicking every singe detail. Dammit! Some stuff I will actually blog on some other blog. Hehe.

Anyway I was hoping on that weekend with Kevin and Manel, but it looks bleak. I also wanna take pictures this weekend. Show off my new hairdo. Or maybe I can go out alone and just commune with myself.

Rambling again.

How to make her feel special.

1. Touch her waist.
2. Talk to her.
3. Share secrets.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Let her be with you when you're with your friends.

Keep reading!

11. Smile with her.
12. Take pics with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking about someone?

16. Always hug her and say i love you when you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. ***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!!***
19. Tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20. Tell her the way you feel about her! You need to show her you mean it too.
21. Kiss her on the lips.
22. DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. You buy HER stuff.
23. TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Buy her stuff. Small things can still help makes her feel special.
26. DON'T LIE TO HER.
27. DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
28. Take her anywhere she wants.
29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you.

Are you still reading this u better be its important!

31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her.
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible.
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Dedicate a song to her.
45. Always Remind her how much you love her.

You'll never know when she needs just a lil more love.

Thank you...

I havent done this in a while...

Thank God for...
- My friends - all of them. Every single one of them who matters to me.
- My family including Diego.
- The camera that is available when I wanna take pictures.
- Blogger.com, it helps me clear my head.
- Graduating with honors! Yihaaa!
- The oppurtunity to do pastry, short course.
- Popo - for the love, the friendship, for sharing my pains, my frustrations and everything else that you didn't need in your life but still allowed to help me out.
- My personal limewire and music provider...teehee.
- Sunrises and sunsets, or even stark direct sun at 3 PM.
- Wonderful moon angles.
- Newly discovered hobby.
- Motorala V3x
- All my blessings and trials.

I pray for...
- Good health to my family, friends and loved one.
- Blessings and good graces.
- Oppurtunities to improve myself.
- More wonderful sunrises and sunsets.

Oh grah! My Minolta is dead.

I have 2 minolta cameras one is the old one that uses a film and the other one, the digital camera. And they're both dead. The digicam has been sitting in my drawer because we dunno where to have it checked. And finally we know where to bring it, only it cant be fixed anymore. They said it was factory defect. WHY THE HELL WASN'T THERE A RECALL!!! AGH!

So now I am without my own camera anymore.

Me, wants new camera please?

Feelings of dread...again?

Yes, its's been a while since I felt this way and I don't know why I feel this way right now. I am worried, yes I am a worry wart. What could be wrong? Is there something wrong in the first place? Lord please take away these feelings.

I can't describe how I feel my heart feels like it is wrenched and heavy...argh!

On growing up and growing old...

The first day of school, our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. "I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."(this cracked me up!)

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Forever average.

Once again, I am the forever average person.

I got my grades yesterday, although for some my grade was okay, I can't help but be a little bummed out about it. I know it was my fault too. I made a decision to do well, late. Oh well.

I always say that those average students are actually the ones who do well in real life, because I have actually seen it in other people's stories. But just this once I wanted to have high grades. Oh well.

I am forever average. With average looks, average stature in life, average IQ (well above average), average skills (especially in architecture -- bordering mediocre). Argh.

Stuck in a rut. It's no use crying over spilt milk.

I got used to being average. I was used to settling with the mediocre than gunning for best. It has to stop. I will push out all average-ism about me and make myself better. From today onwards, I will not be average.

Sleepyhead.

I havent had a nice long sleep lately. Don't ask me why. But I like it anyway. But really I need to start sleeping early. And waking myself or rather having somone wake me up at 4 am despite sleeping late is not helping. GRAH. I should start being sleepy at around 9 PM.

Anyway I got a new phone! Weeeee! Anyway I still wanna buy the SE K800i next time. Hehe.

Have not much to blog. Yesterday was uneventful. Ooh except that on the way to the hotel the cab driver I hailed doesn't know how to get there. I found it ironic because he was a cab driver. DOH!

Yellow roses, Harry Potter, Charmed and creme caramel.

I love yellow roses. When someone asks me which kinds of flowers I like I always say, yellow roses. Others are daisies and mums.

I read Harry Potter. I can't wait for book seven!

I like creme caramel. It's one of those things I crave.

I miss watching Charmed! And Sex And The City.

Thank you...you know why.

Moments.

I am havng those moments again. The transition between depressed and happy. Other aspects of my life's doing really well. But theres a nag in my head, asking me --

"Where are you headed now?"
"Do you think you'll be sucessful?"
"What do you want?"

ARGH. Anyway I have a job interview tomorrow. I feel like slackin off. I dunno why. Crikes! This is bad. I think that everytime I get some sort of "high" I end up slumpin' down after. Kinda like a sugar rush with a very bad crash. Ugh. Not good, right? I need to get over this. I swear I need a change of environment. Goodluck to myself.

Rambling, and not making sense. ARGH!

Coffee, beer and a bunch of mad hyena laughter.

Yesterday was tiring. After running an adventure race for almost an hour Cams and I trooped to Claude's house because we we're supposed to watch a movie. But decided we'd go and have coffee and pollute our lungs instead.

Oh yeah, Team Adbenturera came in 12th. Thanks to my fuckin' bright idea. Grrr. Oh well it was fun though. Heheh (Thanks Cam's for inviting me!

I had fun with Ruth, Cams and Clod. Just making lewd jokes, trippy comments, practically laughing like hyenas at Mongkok and Starbucks. I kinda miss that kind of hangin' out. Just chill and talk. Dinner, movies and coffee. That's the kind of party I like right now.

I think I'm tired of the whole, sex, drugs and alcohol thing that I was into the first half of this year. Well, except for the sex part. Because no matter how drunk I was or banged up from the substance. The paranoia of getting pregnant was just too much. So I dont have sex. A couple of days ago I had a couple of shots of vodka and hated the morning after feeling so I've decided to stop drinking altogether. Ruth and I just watched them drink a couple of beers, since I didn't want to drink and Ruth can't drink.

I hope I'd see them soon enough. :) Cheers to us, girls! :)

Alcohol dependency.

Okay I just had vodka last night. I wish I hadnt though. Too late I realized after I was kinda slurred already. Argh. And now theres a nasty feeling of vommit from the pit of my stomach. Ugh.

I dont know how I started to turn to alcohol in times of emotional aggreviation. Seemed like a good idea at that time. Don't get me wrong I drink, occasionally. When I'm at a party or when I'm out of town with friends. We drank, we laughed and then we wake up feeling pretty wasted the next day.

I think it was late last year that I started drinking rather abnormally. I lost the habit though, or should I say forced myself to. Plus the fact that I hated the feeling already. Now I think I'm doing it again. Just a couple of days ago I made an entry under the influence of mighty vodka spirits. I was again last night thought I didn't blog. Ugh.

And what do I get for it. Headache, upset stomach, and having to go to school later and suck it up. Ugh. I hate myself now.

Deviant Art.

I recenlty dabbled into photography...no not just being my usual camwhore self or taking mediocre shots of architectural wonders but actually enjoying taking the shots. I met up with Kevin and Manel last Monday. I brought my camera along so I can maybe take sunset shots but to my dismay, I wasn't able to. At 4 PM I was still frantically rushing through the usual bad traffic in Edsa. I had to make do with night shots instead.

Anyway so I started posting my pictures at deviantart.com. Glorious! Within a couple of hours of joining and submitting art, two people have added two of my pictures in their favorites. And 1 of them commented on the picture. I was beaming with pride. Hehe I checked it out again today and there it was 2 more people added my pictures, one comment, and one of them added 2 pictures. Wooohooo! I can't contain the excitement. Hehe

Weeee! Me want new camera. Hehe. Well, I think this is a good hobby. Something I can do on my off days when I start working. Just enjoy myself and such. Yay me!

Final's aftermath.

Finally, the exams are over. Now I am just gonna anxiously wait for this friday so I can see my grade. Whew. I hope they're okay.

Anyway I slept for a total of 12 hours total. Thanks to someone, who literally almost begged for me to sleep. I didn't answer any of the messages even if I read them "I was sleeping."

Achtung! I need new havaianas. Okay okay, I WANT new flip flops. Hehe. I will buy when I get a job.

I'm considerably happy right now that I can forget about school for a while and just chill out. On saturday I get to have fun with a friend. Yay.

Oh yeah I was with Kevin and Manel the other night, as usual it was a nigh of coffee, pictures and talking about life, love and yes, BS. It's nice to have a guy friend around to confirm if your man is bullshit-ing you. Manel, I think was shaken up with what we've talked about she was quiet on the way home.

I can't wait for our Tagaytay trip! Yipeee!

Blogging.

Why do I blog? There are actually only 2 people who takes the time to read my ramblings, one of them was actually someone who influenced me into blogging. I remember my first blog, it was at blurty. I mostly wrote about boys. Those who hurt me, those who play around with me and those who are simply good enough to remember and keep. It's much like my journals, countless, senseless volumes of heart break, breaking hearts and whining. It's all so shallow. Has my blog changed? Well it still has the occasional whines but at least you dont see it at every post.

I blog mostly when I'm conflicted. Like what someone (very special) always says "the inner monologue". Funny, I laugh at him because of it. But I also do that. I remember sitting in class asking myself what I wanted to do with my life. All sorts of things started to come to me:

1. A job overseas.
2. A business idea.
3. Another year at another culinary school.
4. Tyler Florence (*sigh*)
5. Rocco Di Spirito (*sizzle*)
6. Board exams for architecture.
7. Blah blah blah.

Endless. It was fockin' frustrating so I started writing it down. Sometimes it's just a rage of thoughts that I can't quite help but feel attacked, refer to previous entry vodka and grapejuice.

I endlessly contradict, praise, encourage myself, pep talk myself through the inner monologue. It wont be a surprise to see me mumbling to myself, deep in thought and staring blankly.

Vodka and grapejuice.

I am anxious. I dont know why. I am drinking vodka and grapejuice to help me calm down. It's like I should be doing something I just can't quite figure out what. Grrr.

I started doing my papers just in case I pass the interviews I will be doing soon. For the longest time I had wanted a chance to get out of my parent's clutches. In a new land, where people are different, culture is different and start anew. I dont know if the anxeity is coming from the mere fact na I can just screw up the interviews...or the exams on Monday. Lord, help me.

Random Thoughts:

- I want to go overseas.
- I want to work already.
- I need to ace my practicals because I screwed up the written exams.
- I miss someone.
- Have I become a slave of my selfishness?
- Do I love myself too much now?
- What the fockin' hell is fockin wrong with me right now?
- I think I have an emotional disorder.

Sad somethings...

Okay I know my previous post was Euphoric and it seems odd that now I am sad. It's just my friends are fighting and the cold war is soon going to be...well...not cold. It's sad that what you see and think was good doesn't stay that way for long.

People always leave. It's a lesson I learned the hard way. No amount of care and nurturing can ever make a person stay with you...in the end they always leave and the more you stop them the more they stay away from you. It's free will. Ultimately in the end it is our choice.

Maybe for me I thought that only boyfriends and girlfriends do that. You know romantic relationships. I never thought even friends can do that. Darn it I am still way too idealistic. Screw idealism!!!

Euphoric.

The past days have been bliss. I don't know why. Okay it isn't perfect but at least it wasn't that bad. I havent had bouts of sudden loneliness I used to have. This day is just one of those up and perky days. Hehe

I'm seeing some things differently and I am loving every moment! :)

Waiting at Starbucks in the rain...

I went out to see World Trade Center with my pops and cousin. The movie was good. I didn't cry though but I got the shivers...darn it it's scary to imagine what if I was the one down there. I didn't cry because the overhead mic kept popping out which distracted me from being emo.

Anyway I was at Starbucks waiting for the car which never showed and I suddenly told my cousin that the next time I'd get a message from my ex I'd talk to him properly and nicely. It's my Christmas gift to him. Free him from all the guilt he still feels about our break up. I figured that I know I am over it. I was just being mean because I know I can be, and I know he will take the attitude because he knows he deserves it. And besides I don't think it'd be good to be mad at him every time he'd message me even if I wasn't really mad anymore. Harbor all of those ill feelings each time he tries to reach out. I know I came out a victor in that experience, it's made me a wiser person and a better person. And I should act the part.

Another cosmic joke...

My life is full of cosmic jokes. Just when I'm settled someone, someone always tries to uproot me. This guy and I went out a couple of times, okay kissed on one of them. He likes me I like him but I think there's just no way we're settling with each other. Or maybe we didn't like each other THAT much. Well anyway...he sent me a text message after a long absence...I wonder what he's up to.

Oh well...I'd much rather not delve into that anymore...there are more pressing issues that need my attention.