Friday, September 28, 2007

The NEXT flight out.

This is the official statement. Yes, I am leaving. Yes, it might be for good. I cannot say yet what my plans are but it definitely includes my wonderful boyfriend.

My flight will tentatively be on October 16. Yes, I wont be here for my birthday, so if you're planning anything for me or with me on that day, do it earlier. HEHE

Yes, I am in a rollercoaster of feelings. One minute I am excited, the next I am sad. No, I wont be treating anyone to a despedida thing nor am I throwing my own despedida party. One, I dont have enough funds, and next, friends are supposed to do this for you. But I'd like to see everyone I care for before I go, so that hopefully they wouldn't forget about me.

So there. I want to say "see yah!" to all my friends I will leave behind. Catch me all on YMessanger when I get a laptop. Or my phone will be on roaming so we can still text. :) See you next year. Or probably not.

And most especially to my Prince:

I love you. This is not good bye, hopefully. I will see you soon. I will let you marry me someday...soon. :) This is for us. You're my only one. Thank you for your support and love.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Tears and the rain...

I felt like crying earlier. Thanks to the rain it made it even more conducive to melancholy. Sadness is slowly eating up my soul. And it makes it harder that I cannot lean onto the wall I have been leaning on to during my episodes the past months. Because he's also consummed by loneliness so he says.

I have been trying to get to him lately. Trying to get a glimpse of his soul. But I can't find it. My heart doesn't feel anything, hear anything, even the small prayers. Even the ones from his heart. But I can see him, staring off, his eyes so sad and when I ask he turns his head and tries to muster a smile.

I wonder what happens after...

Monday, September 17, 2007

The truth be told...

For the past entries I have been speaking in riddles. Now, it can be told...I'm leaving. Soon. Only a bunch of people know about it, family and the closest person to me, Francis.

I found a job for me in Arizona, my contract starts in October and ends in May. I dont know what will happen in between. But what's important is I am leaving soon. Finally, it's my turn to go. I've wanted this for the longest time for myself and now the opportunity is here.

This for my future, Francis' and mine. For my family.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Not so impossible...

All of a sudden the idea of a "forever" doesn't seem too far fetched.

I stopped believing that I'd find someone who can love me forever. For me, forever is just a lucid idea. Blame it on the bitterness caused by a cheating ex-boyfriend. Forever, then, crumbled. It was a preposterous idea made up by fools. And I refuse to be a fool anymore.

But, this guy I am with now. This man, I so fondly call "my prince", him who I wrote those letters to. Him, whom I wanted to be "my prince", he makes me want to believe in "forever" again. That it can still happen, for me.

Is it possible that maybe he can love me forever? Is it possible that he can withstand all of my whims, my caprices, my moods and my unpleasant attitude, and still love me in spite of these imperfections?

Is it safe for me to believe that forever is not impossible, that it happens? Can it? Will it?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


I'm shushed.

I have alot of things in my head I can't talk about. Why? Because he gets annoyed when I voice them out.


It's hard, having all these thoughts and not being able to talk to the one person who could understand.

Anyway, I dreamt about him today. In the dream he put our picture in his friendster account. I forgot what he said on the caption though. So I thought I'd go check when I got home. He didn't. It was really just a dream. Oh well.

Shitty internet connection. Argh.

I miss someone. I'm not sure who, but there's a hugeongous pit of longing in my soul.