Friday, July 28, 2006

From Nadine's blog.

From Nadine's Blog - She revised it. It caught my attention. I also added somethings to it... --->If you wanna read the original article.

Tribute to nice girls.

To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.

This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope. that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and flipflops, who care more than they should for guys who don't really deserve that much of their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea", to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is for the girls who have to pretend it doesn't hurt because she knows that even though her friends say "you're better off without him" or "he doesn't deserve you", she knows that they words were from the heart, but they don't mend hers. This is for the girl who poured her heart into something hoping he'd realize how much he meant to her and how much she meant to him, only to discover that she meant nothing to him all along. This is for the girl who had followed her heart, threw away her inhibitions, thought she had triumphed over all the obstacles, only to find out that her Prince had returned to his "ex-princess". This is for all the nights she listened to every song they heard together, replayed all the times he told her he liked her, looked at every picture they had together, and thought if only she could figure out the exact moment she lost him... This is for all the times she had told herself to be strong and Let It Go, only to find herself calling her friend at twelve midnight to tell her she thinks she's going crazy because he won't get out of her mind. This is for all the bestfriends who never faltered to try and pick up their friends from off the floor to give them a hug they know they need. This is for the countless nights they stayed up together trying to find an explanation for a "true love" gone wrong. This is for how bad it hurts coming up with no conclusion and just one simple question with no answer... WHY?

This is for the girl who swore to never let anyone hurt her that bad again, only to find herself falling for someone who poured salt on that wound. For the girl who needed someone there for her after a bad break up, only to discover that months into it, he had hurt her and used her more than she had been with the previous. This is for the girl who gets called his "true love" on the phone, his "future wife" to her family, and "just a friend" to his friends and other girls. This is for the many times he had walked back into her life and left, just as quick. This is for the girl who took a risk on the guy that swore they were special, gave herself to him, and was left with nothing more than bruises....

sometimes, prayers dont get answered, nor do wishes come true. and maybe, just maybe, you should accept the truth you had known and ignored for so long.

give up. sometimes it's just not meant to be..

Eventually you will come to the point where in you know you have to just let it go. And it's time you give yourself the attention and love that you deserve, that no other person can ever give you.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I just want to be happy.

No matter how hard I tried to be contented of what I have in my life in order to be happy I just cant seem to get out of the rut I am in. I know this has something to do with my ex-boyfriend.

Gawd, I loved him. Maybe I still do. But I dont want to be anymore it's been a couple of months since we broke up already. I miss him. Hard as it is to admit but I do. It sucks that I am stuck in this limbo and him...god know what the hell he is up to.

He has been keepin in touch a text message every now and then. I dont know what the hell he is up to and I have given up trying to understand what he wants with me. Maybe he just wants me to be miserable all the time. Maybe he enjoys seeing me unhappy.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Dinner and a rather startling moment.

Last night I had tons of fun with Ella and Myles. I met them online. The wonderful world of PEXing, I discovered PEX a looong time ago. A friend of mine had told me about it. But it wasn’t after last year around June that I had become so active at participating at the discussions. At first I was just posting at the Love Threads. And then there was the Travel Thread, the Academic Thread and Lifestyle. I had nothing better to do at work. So, during those “I can cry because of boredom” moments I pexed, good thing the server allowed the website to be accessed to. Well I had come and gone from that boring job, and I continued pexing until I got my heart broken and then after...enter Ella, AJ and Mark.

I have met several people there. Some were insignificant, some I haven’t met in person. And then there was Ella, AJ, Mark and Myles. The latest addition to our little group. Ella and I had pretty much the same situation a while back. I commented, posted and ranted a lot on her thread because I can relate to it. And through the rants and what nots we formed friendship. AJ and Mark, our “meant to be couple”, are also regulars on our rant and post thread and thus the friendship. Myles, our latest recruit, I think she took pity on Ella and I and decided we needed her professional help. She’s a social worker and a psychologist? We’re her patients. HAHA

Anyway we had dinner at Greenbelt 2 at UVA - (Thanks Ella!). And because we are so perfect we had taken to fancy at people watching. We were laughing, poking fun at each other and at the sometimes oblivious people and not so oblivious ones. And there was a group of guys walking past and at the same time we were talking about Sway. Myles suddenly said that he was in town. And then we were snickering at this dude who was the less appealing version of Sway. And then out of nowhere he approached the window and knocked at it. We were like, what the hell?! And then he decided to invite himself to our table and had the galls to even ask us to join them. It was supposed to be his birthday. Myles was such a smart ass, greeted him Happy Birthday. HAHA. Anyway that was fun.

I also met Myles’ cute friend, Eric. I think I know too many Eric’s. HAHA But he’s cute, he’s welcome to stay in my life. HEHE

Friday, July 21, 2006

An open letter...

I'm sorry, for hurting you. I know I've been hard to deal with. For picking fights, because I wanted to prove something to myself. I've done this before. His name was Mike. He loved me too. And I hurt him, the way I am hurting you now. I know I will pay dearly for being rash and reckless with handling my feelings and your feelings. Please forgive me. You'll never understand and I dont wish for you to understand ever because even I dont understand why I've gone the extra mile to cause you so much pain. I wish I had a bigger heart. Big enough to love you...the way I loved the person who took away most of the love I had.

I'm sorry.