I am so fuckin' lonely here.
As in I can't help but cry every night.
I can feel my soul wasting away...
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I am so fuckin' lonely here.
Monday, November 19, 2007
I am here in LA for a couple of days. I am on my day off and decided to fly out here to visit my aunt and uncle. I went to Venice Beach! It's a haven for artists and weirdos. HAHA There's this stall which had an experiment on the medicinal affects of marijuana. And one guy who was shouting will work for marijuana. Some stalls had interesting trinkets for sale plus some artwork. My uncle bought a salt and pepper shaker the were in a hug. There's a guy who was roller blading around in a turban and a guitar. And a guy who stood there naked for money. HAHA It was hilarious.
It is very cold here! And I am close to freezing all the time. My heart wants to chill out of my chest! LA has been fun. Plus my aunt gave me a lot of things which I dunno how I will bring back to Arizona given the fact that I didn't have any luggage with me. Oh well. I wish I had a laptop though so I can talk to Francis more because I always miss him.
So there. Next time maybe I will have more money I can actually shop!
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/19/2007 12:53:00 PM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
To my friends who havent heard from me since I got here. I am sorry. But you can come check out my blog from time to time to read up on my life here. It's just I get tamad to write.
So far things have been well, except that my room mates dont like me, why? And I had been the perfect room mate during day one. After I learned that they didn't like me I ceased to be one. And I just go about my business not bothering with them anymore.
You know how it is that when you're back home you're so burara and since you're now on your own, you've taken to taking care of your things and yourself. So I like my, or should I say apartment clean? So what? And how I told them not to use the dryer until after they get the lint of it because it can burn the house down...not only our apartment but the rest of the complex? What is freakin' wrong with that?
Anyway, I wish my room mates were Kevin and Manel. I'm sure I'd be having a blast. Or I wish I was with Francis. I'm sure I'd be better off. *sigh*
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/13/2007 12:02:00 PM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Nov 9, 2007
Yes, it's been a while since I wrote you anything. I miss you terribly. I am so far away from you. I feel so lost. I feel I am losing "us". I feel I am losing you, again.
It's been a month since we had our union. Did you remember? I must confess, I almost forgot. For which I am heatfully sorry.
Work is fun. I am with some poeple, who like myself studied in Culinary school. My colleagues have been nice to me. Everyone you meet along the way, may it be a corridor or a sidewalk, smiles or greets you. But nothing beats the feeling I get when I see your smile as you're approaching me. Or as we drive to our favorite place. Nothing can replace being with you. No matter how foul you mood is or even when we are fighting.
I miss swining by your house or office to get a hug at the end of a very tiring day. Tonight, like every other night since I came here, may it be tiring or boring, when I go home all I will get is a snuff in the face (by my room mates who are bitching on me) and the chilly air in my almost empty apartment. There are nights, while waiting for the vanpool to pick me up, when I would look up the clear night sky and see the beautiful moon upon me. And it makes me sad, when I start to realize that we are no longer staring at the same moon.
No more warm hugs which I feel so at home in. No more soft butterfuly kisses on my lips, neck and hands. I miss you. If missing someone could kill, I'd be dead the day i stepped into the airport.
It's so much different then, when I used to write letters for no one. I knew I loved you even if you weren't around. But now, it's so hard not to long for you. The pain is suffocating. My life is again a cosmic joke. After the anticipation of meeting yoou when I finally did, I had to say goodbye. It's almost bittersweet. Even with the promise of beiing with each other again it's so hard not to feel lonely at times.
I think about you countless times. Almost every waking moment of my days,. I thought about you, about us. Will I ever see you again? Will the feelings be the same? How would it feel to be with you again. Will I kiss you first and then hug you? Or vice versa?
I'm afraid we might start to forget what it's like to be together. Though I cannot forget about you. I'd sometimes fall to my knees and start crying out for you. I wish everytime you'd ome and take me into your loving arms., where I am alays safe and wanted. But it cannot happen, not yet. Not for a very long times.
I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice calling out my name. Or the tender way you squeeze my hands. I even miss the annoying way you'd "command" me to kiss you.
I love you. The distance doesnt change how I feel about you. And I will hold on until I see you again. When we're finally one again. Until then my heart will remain broken, because it just ain't the same without you.
Posted by soulfoolchic at 11/11/2007 03:16:00 PM