Sunday, May 28, 2006

A past that is being way too friendly.

"Part of the fantasy of every betrayed women is that one day the guy will come back and answer all your questions, and apologize for hurting you. But the thing is, he wont. He'll die a liar and will feel good about himself. That is how selfish he is. He cant give you closure, you have to find it yourself. You get angry with him then you get over him. Bless him in your mind and have peace with yourself. When or if he comes back you can say hi and goodbye in the same sentence."
- Tere Hao

I feel this paragraph. A week ago my past crept up to me again and blew my collected self out of wits again. After I blurted out some rather hurtful words, he managed to message me again a couple of days after. Gawd, I figured there is absolutely no use in trying to blow him off or trying to run away from him.

I finally just agreed to what he wanted half hoping he'd just disappear over time kind of like the ones who already did.

".. he cant give you closure"

No one can ever give us closure it is something we should attain ourselves. Closure is when we finally decide and accept that it was over. And wont bother with questions such as what happened, why it happened, and how it happened, anymore. It is within ourselves.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Love myself! :D

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!"
- Carrie Bradshaw

One of the many remembered quotes from Sex And The City. Gawd I miss that show. Some people think it's non sense But you actually get something out of it. Life long lessons on life, love and But sometimes they, the characters, immortalize some things that girls or generally people can relate to.

I love Samantha Jones the most. She is absolutely my kind of woman. Not afraid to say things that she wants, do things that she wants to do. She wants something she gets it. I wanna be like her. Someday I will be.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I hate goodbyes.

Goodbye. Yes I know that it is inevitable but I really hate it. Why does everything eventually end? So we can start again...I guess.

When are goodbyes good? When they make you cry and mope in a corner...even for a love that you thought will doesn't...everything just ends...eventually.

I just said goodbye to someone. Well even though we only hanged out for a while...I cant help but be sad that he's soon! I know I can always give him a call...or I will see him online and we can chat...but the 3 times we met up and chatted seemed so much more.

He said. No goodbyes, just see you laters...

Indeed...I wish everything is just a matter of see you laters...

Bon voyage...see you soon friend.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

When is it over really over...

I just got a text message from a friend ranting about her former "love interest". I thought she said it was over...I guess it really wasnt.

I had told myself I am over. But I read thru some blog entries...and then it wasn't over. I may not be pining for him or longing for him to come back to me. But the pain is there it is evident.

When is it over?

"When you wake up not thinking when is it over..."
- Manel Castro

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Alone Time? Not?!

I went out yesterday, supposedly to commune with myself. For the longest time I had wanted to get out alone and just sit there, stare at the nothingness, mull over some things, analyze, realize and execute. Oh well. Yesterday wasn't what I had expected to be. For the 2nd time my alone time wasnt alone time. I went up to Tagaytay with two very good friends who didn't know each other, now they do. Manel has been my friend since we were in 6th grade. Kevin WAS my online friend from New York who patiently listened to me rant, listened to me cry during the worst part of 2005. I know the worst is yet to come...oh well.

We spoke of a lot of things from ranting about how hot it was, to how we needed to stop smoking, to panting as we go up that blasted stairway from hell...seriuosly those risers are pure torture, to our revelation table admist a very nice view. Now that I think about it I think the view was wasted on us..hehe. From Manel's analytic view of life, relationships and what nots to Kevin's persistent "no comment" comment to my absurd sex lines that probably gained a couple of curious stares.

What I remember most of yesterday was this...quoting Kev

There's no such thing as "the one". You make that person "the one".