Sunday, January 28, 2007

I should stop watching One Tree Hill...

"Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."
- Nathan Scott

Yes, loving someone is a decision too. And I chose to love you. Didn't you do the same too when you said you loved me too? Well, I must admit I'd been lucky. I've been loved, I think, by those whom I love also. But I guess I kind of wish my luck will not run out as easily as it does. Or that my love doesn't backtrack on his own words and take it back.

Do you know that I cling on to these things? Yes, I do. I count on someone's word for everything that it meant to me. And it hurts when they don't mean it, when they pretend to mean it, when they didn't mean a thing at all.

I should stop watching One Tree Hill, but hell Chad is hot.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Cosmic joke.

My life is a cosmic joke.

Ella (I'm beginning to hate your name, el!) said, "Things happen for a reason." She said that everything no matter how stupid it may seem or no matter how hard you try to understand but still don't happen for a reason and someday you will understand why it had to happen.

She also said that if God didn't want you to feel it then you wont. The fact that I felt something means that God wants me to have that feeling.

While I was driving home amidst the honks and the rudeness of myself and other drivers. I started crying, and started praying at the same time. I asked God to take away the pain. I asked him to take it away even if it meant taking away my heart. I didn't want to feel anymore.

I know God will answer my prayers one day. It might not be what I want now or what I prayed for at this moment, but it will be the answer I need and will want when it comes.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Alcohol, oooh baby I missed you.

Last night was Antonette's birthday dinner and as usual when we have Clemen on the bandwagon it's impossible that there won't be any drinking involved. Prejudice much? Nope. Simply because I asked Antonette before leaving for her dinner thing if she's going to host a drinking session, she said no. But she did anyway.

(Thanks sexy, for the food and booze! And thanks crazy Clemen for the cot and the free read of your FHM magazines. You fuckin' drink and drive!!!)

Anyway, I was trashed even before the drinking started. Mcoy, you devil, had me laughing way over myself even before dinner started. I swear he won't stop! We were the noisiest table in the restaurant. And it was just me and him that's laughing. I had to transfer to the farthest seat just to get enough air in because I was running out of air from all that laughing.

I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. It's been awhile since I laughed so heartily. I guess I'm back to wearing my fake smile. I missed it. I miss me. I fell in love last night too. Cuddly baby, he was soooo adorable!!!! I wanted to take him home!

Dammit I miss me again. Shit. I fuckin' love my Lui pose!!! It's too bad the red horse label wasn't that visible.

Bring on the vodka. I missed you ol' friend.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

You think you know...but you have NO idea...whatsoever...

I know something that I'm not supposed to find out...not yet anyway. But I still found out. It was just one of those random things that just pops up innocently in front of me. I wasn't even asking for it.

But I dont have any idea of how to tell that person concerned that I know the secret. I'm not even sure I should tell that person that I know. I wonder how he'd react to it. I will also tell him when the time is right. For now, it will be "our" little secret. Even if he doesn't know I know.

Cosmic joke, these things just seem to find me and now I'm trapped. Can't move, can't think properly, can't act on it.

Monday, January 22, 2007

LSS: Someone To Watch Over Me

There's a saying old says that love is blind
Still we're often told "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain girl I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found her yet
She's the big affair I cannot forget
Only girl I ever think of will regret
I'd like to add her initial to my monogram
Tell me where's the shepherd for this lost lamb

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that she turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although I may not be the man some girls think of
As handsome to her heart
I'll carry the key
Won't you tell her please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh how I need
Someone who'll watch over me

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that she turns out to be
Someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although I may not be the man some girls think of
As handsome to her heart
I'll carry the key
Won't you tell her please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh how I need
Someone to watch over me
I was watching a local movie on cinema one. And the heroine sang this song for her dad. And now it's stuck in my head.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


Nope, you wont see the song's lyrics here. I am just going to have a banter at the word, at the characteristic, at the feeling. Weak. Ugh.

How come whenever I am feeling something for someone it is always accompanied by weakness? When I'm in love I am always susceptible to weakness. The funny thing is, after getting out of a previous relationship and learning the lessons that the pain and love that it imparted, you always think that you're stronger than ever. Only you'd meet someone, feel all of that butterfly in my stomach stuff and then you're weak all over again.

So when were you strong? Were you ever really strong? Or are you just lamely trying to convince yourself that you're strong. But you're not.

You're really not...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The waiting never ends...

Wait. A word that is a sentence all by itself. A four letter word that I am not very happy to hear. Either when it comes to someone I care about, or a job, or buying that nice top at some store.

The way I look at it. I have been waiting my entire life. Always waiting...always in vain. Dammit.

When does this all end? If it doesn't can I just do something so I wouldn't feel it so much?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Ahem, so a couple of people has seem to like my cupcakes! Well, I made some for Lui during her birthday and I got some orders from her in law. And her in law referred me to her friends and they ordered 200 cupcakes! :) Weeee!!!

Now that I am into this whole cupcake thing I am reading this book and I am gettng loads of ideas! I can open a store...but where? My grandma said we should find a space soon. Yeah i also think we should.

So that's on a roll but I still want a commis job! Grrrr.

And I miss someone terribly...

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I want...alot of things.

Argh. I want a laptop, a new iPod, a sony alpha DSLR kit, a new car, pastry short course. Darn it I want a lot. Argh.

Anyway doesn't matter I will find a way to get all of those things...I havent posted anything in a while I've been busy. I baked cupcakes the other day. It was fun, although my mom isn't exactly fun to work with. I wont hire her if I was a chef. Hehe

Anyway so I went to the finale of the Pyro Olympics. The Philippine exhibition was nice. Pretty lights. I'm going back next year if I can. Hehe Hopefully toting a DSLR this time around.

I want to shop. Too many nice clothes at Zara and DP!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Happy Slip.

I was talking to my friend Gelo on YM. Truthfully I was intrigued by his YM status message "Stupid and Sorry". I thought it had something to do with his ex-girlfriend Liz. Maybe...but he claimed he realized that he did some rather stupid things the past year and he's sorry for it. And it was a general life thing.

Mmkay. So he told me that he's watching this video blog of a fil-am girl that he's crushing on. He invited me to watch it and the girl looks like Tina Ryan. An old friend. Anyway it was hella funny.

Check it out!


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Fasting for thanksgiving.

Okay...I was texting with a friend of mine late this afternoon. We were talking about meeting up and just catching up on stuff. But she can't do lunch or dinner because she's fasting. I asked her why, she said she's converting on Feb and she's praying for it. So I thought about it. This year one of my new year's resolution is to go to church on first Fridays and every Sunday. I thought, maybe I should fast too. To praise and thank God. My friend Myles, said it's also a time of prayer. Maybe I can use this as a way to reconnect with God. I mean I don't have plans of converting ever. But maybe I can also do things other people do in their own beliefs right?

I'll see what I should do first. Anyway, uneventful day, I went to Makati and walked from one hotel to another passing out my resume. Felt good to be walking. It wasn't hot. The sun wasn't out. It was a bit cloudy even drizzled a lil bit. It was a nice walk, only I wasn't wearing the right shoes and now I have two bruises on my feet. Weh.

I was listening to the radio earlier while I was driving to Makati. And there was this thing about the stress buster tips that smiling even if you don't feel good helps you lighten up your mood. And a minute of laughter produces endorphins that can keep a person's mood happy for hours. Negative thoughts have negatives effects on the body. Smiling and laughter lowers the stress levels in the body. Yada yada.

I always say this that I will start to relieve myself of negative thoughts. And I do try but I am human and I am sometimes plagued by anxiety. So from not on I will really try to think positive and not contradict myself so much. Hehe.