Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Love letters for no one...

The first in this blog...

Hey Prince,

As I opened the gate earlier this evening, I looked up at the sky. You can call it force of habit. I like looking at the moon and the stars. I then wondered, are we looking up at the same sky and marveling at the moon's radiance?

I'd want to lie down in your arms as we stare up at the clear black sky, studded with glittering diamonds and count the shooting stars. Maybe someday, right? One day, when everything is finally right for us. One day, when time is finally on our side. Be happy today.


Tuesday, February 27, 2007


Nope it's not what you think it is. An ex got into the bad side of a friend because of this word. BWAHAHA But that's a different story.

Anyway I've been enjoying punk ska lately. It's really very happy music. It makes you wanna buy dancing shoes!!! Weeeee!!! But I've taken to listening to covers...for now. I super owe it to my friend who let me download Skaravan and Hotel California from his multiply site! HEHE

Anyway the last couple of days has been downright pathetic. I had a couple of those random bouts of loneliness shit that bugs me shitless. And now, what's bugging me is I really really want a DSLR! Argh!

But I don't know what I'm getting yet. The Nikon D80 lens kit has pretty good lenses compared to the lens kit of the Rebel XTI. Argh.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Thank you!

It's been a while since I did anything remotely close to big props to the Man above. You're THE MAN! :) As always.

- My wonderful family, including my baby Diego!
- My friends - TOPAC, Myles, Ella, Aj, Mark, Manel, Kevin, My Galera girls (Liz, Julie, Anne, Annie, Dave), plus my new friends Bev, Luv and Dean, Jello (because we're both so ridiculously senseless! And for all the songs he's shared me.), Marjon (even if he's MIA,), emo mate Bajie, Tere and El, Joal, Edel, plus everyone else! Teehee, sorry!
- For my new job! I love every single day I'm in that hot and sweaty kitchen!
- For the cupcakes selling pretty good.
- For Temple, Warehouse 135, Starbucks and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.
- Even if I don't get to do it as often as I want to, thanks for my talent, for the people who has appreciated my art.
- For my heartaches.
- For my cluttered head and for the inner monologues.
- For still giving me life's miracles even if I don't go to mass on Sundays!
- For my silly ideas!
- For my Chefs at The Cafe.
- For the lessons I will learn.
- For my happiness! I know it'll be BIG!
- For my future cars (HAHA), Brian and Carlo. Teehee.
- For the new songs on my iTunes! I'm loving it!
- For my future baby, Canon EOS Rebel XTI or Nikon d80! HAHA (I really have to make up my mind!)
- For all the traveling I will do soon!
- For the opportunities You're sending my way!

I'm praying for:
- Peace of mind.
- Good health for my loved ones.
- Faith.
- Guidance and enlightenment.

I know I'm kinda assuming that God will give me all the things above right? But I know he will. It's just the timing that has to be right!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Love letters for no one.

I recently started writing love notes for someone...someone I don't know yet. Or maybe I know him already but I still don't know what I feel about him. A friend told me once to write letters to "the ONE God has prepared for me", and so I did. It's out there somewhere though...I'll post some soon enough. It's nice to let out all that longing for THAT someone. I know someday he'll find me, and my life will never be the same ...until then I wait.

Whether I admit it or not patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait.

Friday, February 23, 2007

An affirmation.

Today's horoscope:

"When was the last time you sat down and had a nice long heart-to-heart conversation -- with yourself? Having an internal conversation will do you a lot of good right now; it'll help you come to terms with a few things that have been difficult for you. Turning to friends and family members for comfort is always a good idea; however, right now, you are the best person for the job of taking care of you. Find answers by turning inward."

It's time for an alone trip again!!! Wahooo! But I have work. So can I contemplate in the pantry or chiller? GRAH!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Blame the nagging pain in my mouth...

I just had my braces adjusted, new wire and all...and it freakin' hurts like hell!!! I didn't feel like going to the interview or to work. Argh! I can't concentrate! It feels like it's newly installed all over again! Grrr...

Have you ever felt like you're not supposed to be enjoying someone's company that much? I'm so there right now. Argh.

While I was working today, I had all sorts of photo shoot ideas in my head. HEHE I wanna see it taken. I need time to do it. Argh!

Sunday, February 18, 2007


Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex And The City

I am the perfect example of a person who settles. But I promise that from this moment on, I wont settle anymore. I will get what I want, what I deserve and what God wants for me. matter how hard it seems to catch them, I know one of them will land on my hand. :)


Lately I've been talking to a friend of mine who I haven't really spoken to the past year. We used to have fun. Alot of fun! It even came to a point that his then gf got so pissed at us. Maybe because she felt left out. Anyway, I've forgotten how senseless we can become!

We talk about anything from cameras, to silly stuff we want to install in cars, to peeing, to music! I kinda envy his life. He goes out to party at least 2 times a week! Now that I started working I kinda want to have party nights, just have fun and stuff. But my other friends have kinda mellowed out totally. Which sucks. I also got him into deviant art! HAHA

I actually started missing some friends I'd go out clubbing with him, Farah, Clodz, Liz and Margaret. HEHE I think I need new people in my life. BWAHAHA Not that I don't love the ones I have now...but I need to expand my network.

Friday, February 16, 2007

She bangs!

Oh my gawd!!! I just had the first best night of my life this year!!! And I am looking forward to more of it!!! I've just been reminded why I love to party!!! Even if it's just me and my girls, there's just no other high that can compete with the mad senseless laughter and dancing the night away. Yes, despite the heels, and despite eight hours on my feet! HAHA

I lost my parking ticket, though! What a night cap! But, I have new friends! Love and Dean...hi dean! HAHAHAHA

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Post Valentine Syndrome.

It's weird. Last Feb 14. I wasn't really depressed about it being Valentine's and being still single. It was just an ordinary day for me. Work, smile at the cutie, work some more. But today, today is different.

I have the sudden bout of loneliness. I am actually used to this feeling. I always have these moments. It's like a nagging ache in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if these feelings ever go away? Because even if I am in particularly good state of character, mind, spirit, whatever, I still have these moments.

But it's good to know that I am not alone. At least another person, who I used to think is insensitive as hell, says he also feels that way sometimes. So I'm still sane. HEHE

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Stuff I get from other people's blog.

"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."
- From Manel's Blog

Oops no, I'm not being bitter about anything. But when I was reading Manel's blog this struck me...HARD. It kinda brought me back the not so distant past. She's right. There's absolutely no point of trying to hold on to someone who isn't meant to stay in your life. Hard fact of life: People always leave. So just let them.

I love this quote that Edel sent me:

"True love is neither exclusively physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be"
- Fr. Vic Salanga, S.J's Valentine's day and interestingly I do not resent it as much as I did last year. Hehe. Although I kinda wish I can go out with my girlfriends. Oh well. At least I get away from wearing red! :)

Monday, February 12, 2007

I love One Tree Hill.

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are running home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes...all you need is one."
- Peyton Sawyer

Besides Chad Murray being hot! *sizzle* I love One Tree Hill for it's situations. I can so relate to most of them. And I love lines such as these. An yes...I also need that one person.

I think nobody wants to be alone in this world. Although I have proven the fact I can make it on my own. Wow, this reminds me of a Whitney Houston song. But yes, I am not afraid of being alone. I've already been there and I know I can be at peace with myself. It's still nice to think that I can have someone too.

Yes, this cynic has to hope too. Even Miranda got her true love right?

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Life is all about decisions.

I always say that everything is a choice. It's true. It's your choice to be happy. It's your choice if you want something to ruin your day. It's your choice to turn things around. Its your choice to fall in love, to fall out of love. It's your choice to lie, to be honest, to be a friend, to severe ties, etc. Everything in your life is decided by you.

Today I am making a choice. I am making a decision. Today is the last day I will settle for something I can have, instead of waiting and working for what I deserved. Today is the last day I will hurt myself. Today is the last day I will break my heart. Today is the last day that something or someone will shake me.

And with that, today is also the day I will stop missing something I never had. Today is the last day I will focus on something that isn't worth my while.

So tired.

I finally know why my back is killing me! I have mild scoliosis. Well it is mild but given the stress and when it's cold damn, it starts beating me down. Anyway, so this is how it feels like to actually work! As in not just sit at my desk and type type away but actually run around the kitchen with a hot pot of stock taking care not to burn yourself, slip, smile at the cute guy and still hurry in the process. HAHA

This is exactly what I want. A job that will render me of all of my strength for the day. Where when I go home, the only thing that will matter is my bed. Just plop down and sleep. Where my brain is too tired to take awhile to stare at the ceiling and think.

But hell no! I still think...I still have those cluttered thoughts. Like when it's 6 PM and I'm waiting at the customers to order noodles from me. I think about all the things that I really shouldn't or really don't like to think about. Argh. There is absolutely no rest for me! And the bad thing about it is I can't take a while to write it down because I need to pay attention to my noodles. So it's just there swimming around.

Realization: The downside in all of this new stuff about me that I am absolutely thrilled about is that I don't have much time to take pictures. Since my day off is on a Monday and I don't have any right to ask for a leave or whatever. *sigh*

Thursday, February 08, 2007

What is love?

Yesterday while I was waiting for my ride, I saw an old couple walking hand in hand. I think they were excercising. Cute right? So, I thought that's love? Right? I remembered my friends question a couple of nights ago. "How do you know it's love?" So I thought, HOW?

Is it my mom mimicking how my dad talks, while my dad smirks at it?

Is it my uncle worrying about us like we were his kids too? (I mean he must really love my aunt because he really treats us like his own right?)

Is it my friend Joulene and Rod, who got married after several years of being in a long distance relationship?

Is it AJ and Mark, who were given a second chance to love each other more than ever?

Is it Nerfy and his wife who after all the things that each had to go through still found love in each others arms?

Is it my dad choosing to stick it out with my mom even if he's not supposed to according to religion?

Is it Tita Luz who fought for her love for Tito Jorge?

So what is love? How will you know it's the real thing or not? Or is it one of those things that will always remain a mystery?

Monday, February 05, 2007


I like compliments! That's why I like to cook. And that's why I slave over my masterpieces each and every time. That's why I never take just one picture, I have to have a lot. So, I can screen them before I post anything that will have my name on it.

I got a few nice comments on my recent deviations. Some of them were actually taken December last year. I just haven't had that much time to post them. A friend of mine actually asked why I didn't sell any of my pictures. I was just soooo thrilled to hear something like that!!!

I actually started telling my mom about it and she suggested that I collect my pictures have them printed and then we can use them as post cards or calendars or such. Yay me! So, now do you think she will actually consider buying me that yummy alpha I've been eying?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, some peeps and I are planning a photography group of some sort! Oughta be fun!!! Capones, here I come!!!

***I just showed Carlo (I've been madly in love with this guy since I was what 17?) my photos and he gave me a really good comment on my shots. *GIDDY* He's an artist that's why I am so into him, and that's why his comments are well appreciated especially by me! He's my Antonio's wedding reception dude! HAHAHA Wala fishing talaga! I will marry you someday. HAHAHA

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Magic moments

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen. Every day, God gives us the sun -and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day, we try to pretend that we haven't perceived that moment, that it doesn't exist - that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover that magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane, like putting our front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. But that moment exists - a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perfom miracles.

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappoinments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken. Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps he won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back - and at some point everyone looks back - he will hear his heart saying, "What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents... So, this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life. Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by."
-Paulo Coelho, By The River Piedra, I Sat Down & Wept

I have every reason to believe that I already lived one of my magic moments. The problem now really is that I need to go back to reality.

I was reading my previous entries. From August, How to trust? How to love again? Well, I've since gotten over that fear. And ta-dah! I'm where I was. *sigh* Dammit. Isn't there any break for me? Please?

Friday, February 02, 2007

Tell Me by: Joey Albert

There are nights
When I can't help but cry
And I wonder why you had to leave me

Why did it have to end so soon?:
When you said that
You would never leave me

Chorus :

Tell me
Where did I go wrong ?
What did I do
To make you change your mind
completely ?

When I thought
This love would never end
But if this love's not ours to have
I'll let it go with your goodbye

My besty and I were talking earlier and I was of course telling her about my relationship. And I suddenly asked her "Where did I go wrong, man?" And then she sang this song!

Take that Antonette. We're always cracking each other up. Thanks...I really needed a laugh even just for awhile.