Saturday, March 31, 2007


I've looped this song since last night. HAHA Catchy tune. Nice lyrics. Reminds me of my Prince...HAHA. Yeah I know, I'm all about my Prince right now. Eat your heart out! Blech.

Because Of You - Ne-yo

[Verse 1:]
Want to, but I can't help it
I love the way it feels,
It's got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it, I want it when I don't
Tell myself I'll stop everyday, knowin' that I won't

I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it
I'm taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction, I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move but I like it

And it's all because of you [3X]
And it's all because...
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug

[Verse 2:]
Think of it every second
I can't get nothing done,
Only concern is the next time, I'm gonna get me some
Know I should stay away from, cause it's no good for me
I try and try but my obsession wont let me leave

I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it
I'm taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction, I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move but I like it

And it's all because of you (all because of you) [3X]
And it's all because...
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug

Ain't no doubt, so strung out [2X]
Over you, over you, over you

Because of you,
And it's all because of you,
Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug, she's the sweetest drug

A non-horny rnb song! And the don't have a lot of those. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Someone just made my day better...

I was driving home when my phone beeped "I don't need a man...", my ring tone, teehee. I felt around for my phone and opened it. It was Farah, one of my best friends who lives in far away, Iligan, who I'm going to visit in September, with my plane tickets in my email. HAHA

"I just want you to know that where ever I am, there will never be a better friend than you."

I was startled. Thanks to the paranoia, instead of thanking her I asked her why!
"I hang out with like 4 girls who I thought were really cool. It's just disappointing to know that they are not like you. They will never be like you."

Awww...I didn't know she appreciated me that much! I mean I know we're friends and all, we've had differences, we've fought, shared secrets, got wasted, got drunk, got high grades, got bad grades and blah. It just never occurred to me I'd make THAT much of a difference to someone's life.

Thanks Farah. I love you, man. I'll see you soon. And I want you to know that I will always be your friend, no matter what. :)

Interesting morning...

Okay. I've been telling myself to breathe properly. When I woke up and checked my blog/s, I suddenly semi hyper ventilated. Anyway...okay over with. So, how does it feel? To find something you're not supposed to find? Do you feel like a pirate looking for some treasure and found it? So much for having a place to vent out stuff. Oh well.

Why am I suddenly getting a nasty feeling I'm getting played? Oh right, I am always getting played, because I would always join the game, even if I didn't understand the rules. But life has no rules. It's do or die.

So...screw it. This is not my day.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Say what?!

Lunch. Tempura Grill, Makati Ave.

He said: I think I'm in love with you.

And then stares at me, and he's been doing it for the last 30 minutes or so...

I said: You think?

And I put a hugegongous piece of ebi maki in my mouth. I had nothing to say. I mean I do but oh well. I wanted to see that sunrise first.

Ooooh yeah, he's flaking out on me on that trip. That brings down the prince points to almost nothing.

Guys are even more fickle than women. Take that! *karate chop*

I'm beyond miffed!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

It's you, it's me...

You never know who's waiting for you
You never know when love is coming your way
But if tonight I look again into your eyes
And it's you and it's me you love
And it's you and it's me you love

Isn't it ironic that just when you're having the time of your life being single, enjoying the freedom of not having to think about someone else's feelings, welfare, or whatnot, you meet someone and he makes you wanna be with someone again? Preferably him.

I know I said I wasn't looking for anyone...I was waiting for my Prince remember? But I can't help it. *sigh*

I'm gonna have to spank Cupid. BWAHAHAHAHA He needs to be put in a corner. HAHAHA

Oh well...

It's official...(random)

I'm sick.

I'm in love.

I'm heart soon...yes, I know so soon.

I've stopped rationalizing, so don't do it for me.

I'll be okay. The pain passes...everything passes.

Tonight...I have the moon, high above's will be enough...

Ringer ID (random)

I just attached a ringer ID to your name. It's nice to hear that tone again. HAHA.

I haven't heard it in a while.

I want to get a Brando Braganza personalized tone! HAHA

Oh well.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Coming down with...

It's there, that weird feeling in my throat. I think I'm going to be sick. I even had slight fever already last night. Too much time spent hanging out in the chiller. NYAHAHA. I don't want to be sick. I only have less than 2 months till my contract ends. I wont know what I'm going to do after yet.

Oh well. Dammit I have plans and it looks bleak. I appreciate that my friends want to go out but I want to get away. Teehee. I'm blowing hot and cold again. Last week I was ranting because they couldn't go out.

Maybe I'm just pms-ing. Blah.

Random thoughts...

Can you walk the whole nine yards?

You scare me. I didn't know I was going to feel this way.

I had been scared that I might not be ready when my Prince comes. A friend actually told me that I will be.

And I was. I had been ready to embrace falling in love with you.

Alas! Suddenly, I am scared not of the feeling but of you...

I guess you had not been how I imagined you to be.

You're different. It's like I don't know exactly what to feel around you.

You annoy me with your excessive cockiness, yet, somehow its what draws me to you...

You surprise me with your sweetness. And the way you reacted to my letters.

The sound of your laugh would ring in my ear...or your voice.

There is no doubt I want you in my life...

But, the question is, do you want me just the same?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

When I'm with you...(random thoughts)

I'm worried I might fuck up and you'll end up changing your mind about me.

I'm scared to look into your eyes because you might see something you're not supposed to...

I like being with you...

It feels like it's where I'm supposed to be...

In the words of a song...

I'm sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
like all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knocking at my brain
Before I go insane
I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
"I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

This morning, I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself
And never talk about it
And didn't I go and shout it
When you walked into my room.
"I think I love you!" (I think I love you)

I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way

Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
hey, go away, I will
But I think better still
I ought to stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?
I think I love you!


Come with me...

Let's watch the sun rise...

It's rays slowly trickling over the earth's surface.

Lighting up even the darkest corners...

It will be a new day,

And I hope that day, our love can start...

All I need is fairy dust...

Peter Pan said, 'Think of a happy thought and you will fly.' You know what? You make me fly.

My Prince,

I already start to smile just thinking about what I can write to you. You chase all my blues away. The happy thoughts are almost instantaneous! The moment I start thinking about you my fears, my anxieties and worries start to seem minute and unimportant. It's like a sponge seeps them away. I guess I can worry about it another time.

You are the wild flowers on the side of a very rough road. You're the green light to a jam packed intersection. You're the oasis on a barren dessert. You're that ray of light on a cloudy day. You're my answered prayer. And for all of which I am grateful for.

The moon is out and I miss you. Smile. Be happy today.


I need another hug...*wah*

You know my friends who barely have time to go out because they have work or something. Or those who now prefer quiet, coffee, or dinner and call it "night out" I call them "old". Most my friends are being "old". And now i have to be one of them. I need to be "old".

I need to set my priorities straight. I need to make sacrifices to get some things done. Because if I don't I'm gonna have to put my dreams on hold or let an opportunity pass me by. Agh. I need to be more...because I am still not enough.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Restless morning...

You know that feeling that you just had a good night before and you just want more of that but you can't because the real world is waiting for you? I kinda feel like that right now.

I cant forget the way it felt when he hugged me super tight, before we parted ways. Or the way he hugged me when we were in the coffee shop.

Work week again! Wooopee! Decisions will need to be made this time. Ponder, ponder, ponder...

I freakin' hate decisions. :( I wish everyday is a Monday.

Sunday, March 25, 2007




Darn Prince! I used to be cooler. Blech. People at work look at me weird when they see me poring over my paper, writing, and smiling rather silly. BWAHAHAHA.

Dammit. Tootles!

A lifetime might not be enough...

The inner monologue is yapping. Right now it's using math and logic and dammit I hate math. If the average lifespan of a person nowadays is 60-70, if you're lucky, and I am now 24. If he indeed turns out to be my Prince, then we have 36-46 years to spend together, give or take. It feels as if it's not enough. That I will want to live again if only to experience everything with him again.

That first smile. The mocking. The endearing cockiness. The way he waves off the mosquitoes. The way he tucked my hair to my ear. The way he looked into my eyes, as if he's searching for something. Which, by the way, was really uncomfortable.

I know at one point where ever these feelings lead me to, I would get hurt. It's inevitable. They say you've never really loved if you don't experience the pain. I have to say this now: It will be worth it. I know it will be.

Ramble on...

I used to love romance movies. You know the kind where in you already know that the leas characters will end up together but you still watch it? When I was younger and inexperienced about A LOT of things, I always thought that when I kiss someone music will start playing. I was wrong. My first kiss was actually courtesy of a very good friend who now prefers to kiss men. Nice, right? There wasn't any music except for the taunt of my best friend who actually dared us into kissing. Our lives didn't have a musical score.

I'd been in and out bad and good relationships. I've turned away people who I thought didn't fit into my life. I used to look at my friends who were in relationships and was envious of what they had. From where I stood, everything was perfect. I was also sadly, wrong. Some of the relationships I had envied had now ended. I learned that people and feelings change. I had been a victim and prey of such changes. I fall in and out of love easily.

There was only one person I remember having opened my heart to. Sadly, that person hurt me too. I was bitter, cynical, skeptical and disillusioned. Sometimes love just ain't enough to keep a person from leaving you.

And then my Prince happened.Through this Prince I found something in me that I never knew existed. I love someone I didn't know. I just believed that one day my life's path will cross his and I will love him. My friends saw evident change in me. I was happy, contended and radiant. I couldn't explain how it and what happened. So the simplest way I can tell them is "I know I will be loved." And that's enough for me to live with happily. They thought I was mental.

Right now, I have someone I want to be my Prince. I don't know yet for sure if he is the Prince. But he could be! I know "the one" is a choice, and with that we also need to accept that there's a chance we can be wrong. After all, to err is human. I know the universe is conspiring. It is giving me what I want, what I am destined for. And all of these feelings, situations and experiences is preparing me for that.


My Prince,

The longing seems endless, is this really how you miss someone? Everything around me, I want to share with you. I want to hold your hand while we walk in a park. I want to sit beside you in that cozy corner at my favorite coffee shop. With your arm draped around me. I want to play word games with you and laugh at the silly words we come up with. I want to squeeze your hand. It's the simplest way I can tell you that I love you. I want to lie in bed and just stare into your eyes.

I want to give you the biggest hug on your most frustrating day. I want to stare at the nothingness that is still beautiful because I'm with you. I will take many pictures of you, of us. Capture all our blissful moments. Proof that I indeed met my Prince, that he came, that the wait was not in vain. That my love drew him to me.

One day all of these fantasies will be real. One day at a time. We'll take it a day at a time towards each other. Smile. Be happy today!


Saturday, March 24, 2007

Royal dream...

My Prince,

Underneath the stars we sit, side by side

In a place, where the world's chaos seems distant...

In your arms, I feel what it's like to belong,

Side by side, just the way it's meant to be.

One by one, the stars start to fall...

We're still. We wait, for the first streak of sunlight...

We witness the beauty of it all..

Together, finally.

Tonight, I finally caught a glimpse of the moon on my drive home. I miss my Prince! I hope we're looking at the same sky. Smile. Be happy.


Ramblings of a foolish soul...

I realized I should've written this before I wrote my previous entry (Something new about me). Anyway, shows just how cluttered and random my brain is. Can you believe I was thinking of all of this while I was chopping mushrooms?

I'm technically an only child. I have an adopted brother who ran away, we see him once in awhile when he needs money for his baby. I love my cousins Don and Martin, they're like brothers to me. I have to admit that I love Martin more though. HEHE I love Diego! I consider him my brother too! I am closer to my mom than my dad. I reckon he's always mad at me for something I did or didn't do. When I was about 5 he bought me a doctor's play kit. A week later I saw another doctor's kit at SM, this time it's with a blood pressure thing and I wanted that kit too. He told me I couldn't have it because I already have one. I cried. But it wasn't like I threw a fit. I cried silently. I was too embarrassed to show other people I was crying. Mom tells me my dad loves me. When I was about 7, we commuted going to the province and my mom made a mistake of leaving me on the wrong bus. So when the bus driver asked all the passengers to alight the bus I had to haul all of our things too. I stood in that busy street, which until now I still don't know where that was. I was panicking. I was on the verge of tears and then I saw my dad running towards me, his facial expression a mixture of anger, fear and relief. I thought I was gonna have to appear on Inday Badiday's lost kids portion. I remember I had already started to think about what I was gonna say. HAHA

I already liked to read as a kid. I had numerous story books. Mom said, whenever someone asked me about Adam and Eve, I'd start going on a long explanation of who they were. I was a frequent library user in 6th grade but mostly read Sweet Valley books with my best friends Manel and MAF. I used to have a new best friend every school year. Whoever was my seat mate during that year was my best friend. It was in 6th grade that I learned that it wasn't like that at all. I went to an exclusive girl's school during my formative years which explains why I didn't get along with boys, especially Don and JV - my adopted brother when I was younger. In 6th grade my grades were really bad and I was put under probation. So I opted to transfer to another school. I transferred to a co-ed school and had the shock of my life during the first day when I realized I had to sit next to a guy. I didn't know what to say so I basically sat there, rolled my eyes a lot and when I got home that afternoon I cried to my mom and asked her to let me go back to SPCP. Where I knew everyone. Where we were all wearing skirts and spoke broken English and Filipino simultaneously ("Uy, pa-see naman your magic diary"). Where it was cool if you are chauffeured to school. She said I have to finish the entire year. Unfortunately, they wont let me go back to SPCP without repeating 1st year high school, which I didn't want to do. So I spent 4 years in that co-ed school.

When I was 3rd year high school I decided to join the school choir because I had a crush on the music teacher. It was fun. I made a couple of good friends. But in 4th year I got pissed off at the president and just so I can screw around with her I didn't go to meetings she announced, practices she posted and refused to come up on stage to sing with them. I was bad! I was a rebel without a cause.

I met my first guy best friend when I was 12 years old. Out of sheer boredom, us kids were making prank calls. I ended up talking to him and after 11 years we are still friends. He is my confidant, my older brother and my second dad. He used to make me laugh with his corny knock knock jokes. It's so corny you'll laugh at it. I met my soul mate, Antonette when I was 16. We were both teeny boppers and hopelessly in love with Nick Carter. We had a test of friendship and we've both proven we are bff's, always, no matter what. I have every reason to believe that if one of us had been a guy, we'd have long married each other. HAHA I have a few people I consider my best friends, Marjon, Antonette, Manel, Farah, Tere, Elisa and Kevin. Manel, has been my friend since I was in 6th grade. And we even if we don't see each other often we still know we're friends. And when we do see each other it's like we were just together the day before. These people are the ones I consider closest to me. They know almost everything about me. They can anticipate my next move, my next thought. Who ever said you only have one best friend is missing out on potential other bffs! I'd do almost anything for a friend, provided that I can do it. I used to be a snob and it was Antonette who helped me become more sociable. I've met a lot of friends because of her.

My mom gave me my first real watch when I was 9. It was my birthday and she gave it to me as a surprise, because I had been asking for a watch that had hands. I had been wearing my digital Lisa Frank interchangeable watch since first grade. And I was one of the few who still wore a digital wrist watch. Sadly, I lost it on the same day. I didn't know how to tell her I lost it! I ended up blurting it out the moment I hopped out of the carpool ride. She hadn't bought me another expensive watch since. When I was in 4th grade I wanted a Tag Heuer watch and she coldly said NO. My mom used to surprise me when I was little. I remember opening my bag one school day in 2nd grade and I saw this National Bookstore wrapper. I opened it and saw a sticker book and stickers and a binder! I had been begging her to buy me a binder because my seat mate had one. HAHA

I was an honor student in pre-school. But I think I was never good enough for my dad so I stopped striving. He always compared me to my cousins who were always valedictorians. Which is funny, I was the only Angeles kid who passed UST with Architecture for my first choice. Screw the damned medals! HAHA I was okay with my average, mediocre grades. That is until I went to Culinary school. This time I wanted a medal, a gold medal. But I made that decision to do well to late. I still made it to third honors though. I could've tried harder. Culinary school is probably the best thing that's happened to me in 2005. That and breaking up with my then boyfriend.

I used to hate being alone. I've gotten accustomed to the company of either my friends or my ex. I only learned to appreciate being alone when I broke up with my ex and my friends were too busy with their own lives. I learned that being alone has it's advantages. I get to clear my head, reassess my life and commune with myself.

I have always wanted to become an artist even as a kid. I adore my aunt and I wanted to be like her. She's designer. I wasn't forced to take up architecture by my family. I actually wanted it myself. Maybe I was just wrong in assessing myself when I took the course. That's why it's a miracle that I was able to find out what I'm really passionate about, that I was allowed to pursue it. Some people aren't given that chance. Or maybe they are but they've grown comfortable with what they have and didn't want to get out of the comfort zone if it means risking a job, or a lifestyle.

I took voice lessons when I was I think 7. I was told I had a high voice. My voice teacher was a grouch. The other teacher was cute. When I joined the school choir I was singing with the alto peeps and naturally my voice range got lower. But it's okay, I still like to sing. On random days me and my friends would head out to a videoke place. I like music. I used to listen to a single genre before, but now my preference has become varied. I'd listen to pop, house, chillout, rnb, hip hop. punk, ska, alternative, just whatever my ears fancy. And after I get a new cd or a new mp3, I'd listen to it the whole day. Loop it so my computer plays the song over and over, until I get a new song. I am seasonally obsessed, especially when it comes to food. When I crave for something, I'd eat until I get tired of it. When I do I wont eat for a year or so.

I've always liked photography. As an architecture student, I used to take pictures of buildings, monuments, landscapes and other architecture related stuff. And then my camera got busted. Until recently, I started pursuing it as a hobby. Also Antonette's dad is a good photographer! I'd be looking at their studio with my mouth open in awe. HAHA

I over analyze most of the time. Every action or word spoken to me has meaning to me. I try to find out what it is. I learned later on that you don't get much out of life doing that. I'm just wasting time analyzing when I can be just living.

I'm really random and silly. I have outrageous ideas that are always fun but most of the time impossible. I like to sleep when I go out of town with friends. I like long drives. I love to spend time with the person I love. I love sunsets, sunrises and night skylines. And I think there is something magical about the moon. I love beautiful waterscapes and landscapes. I gasp at architectural feats. I watch Discovery Channel and National Geographic when I find the show interesting. I love adventures but most of the time I'm half scared shitless when I find myself in one. I watch Amazing Race and just dream of joining it. I want to parasail but I'm terrified of heights. I'm not the most adventurous eater but since culinary school, I've gotten better. I like to dare myself but I'm actually scared of a lot of things. I love kissing and hugging. I like showing affection. I haven't kissed properly since I got my braces. I kinda miss it. I think braces are for dorks. Well guess what I am! I needed them. I'm a closet nerd. I used to be really good in chemistry and even if I hated physics I still get good grades. I like to hang out at bookstores. I like to read! I've progressed from Sweet Valley books to Paulo Coelho and JK Rowling. I wear glasses but prefer to wear contact lenses, sometimes I'd forget to take them off for like a month. I watched Eternal Sunshine For The Spotless Mind twice, before I fully understood the story. Little Women the movie and the book, always makes me cry whenever I see it or read it. I'm a cry baby, I even cry at sappy commercials. HAHA I have a dating pattern. I'm gullible. I don't like to judge people but I used to expect them to disappoint me at one point. I'm a goldfish, I forget stuff easily. I hate it when people burp and don't excuse themselves. I can't lie properly. I like to travel. I'd want to see the world someday. I'd like to teach History of Architecture. The only kind of maki I eat is tempura maki! I play in the shower. I'd want a bath tub in my bath room. I love being senseless! I love senseless laughters. I burn bridges. I never ask a friend to change because I don't like their attitude. So I should never be expected to do the same. I'm on a constant sugar rush. I head out to Tagaytay when I need to get away. I like raclette cheese, even with it's stench! I'm a love whore! I'm in love with love! I'm an attention whore, according to my ex. HAHA I am constantly plagued with inner monologues or worse an inner debate! I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that's on random attacks. I'm a manic driver! I have road rage! I used to be addicted to sudoku! I like word games. I always have a rhythm or a song in my head. I say "thing" or "thingie" when I cant find the proper word to use. I whine a lot on purpose. I'm told I'm scary when I roll my eyes. HEHE I can't multi-task! But when I'm cooking 4 dishes at a time I can somehow do it, I focus on not burning anything, if I don't I wont have anything to serve! HAHA I want to meet a guy who likes the smell onions. HAHA. I love spring rolls. I love mango crepe with whipped cream and caramel sauce. I am crazy about opera cake! I love apple struedel, not the fake kind, the real one. I like breakfast food, especially breakfast buffets! But I'm not really a buffet person I'm more an ala carte person. This is the reason why I HEART Antonio's! I'm gonna have my wedding reception there one day, and have a huge opera cake for my wedding cake! I get starstruck. I used to read tarot cards. I like to play poker.

My life's lessons are:
1. People always leave.
2. Nothing lasts forever.
3. People change, feelings fade.
4. Life is all about making choices.
5. Not everything you want is good for you.

I usually write about love, life, friends, and random thoughts. I also blog when I'm conflicted, happy and musing. :)

Friday, March 23, 2007

Just a random thought...

What the hell was I thinking settling for some random knight if I can have my Crown Prince?

DUH. I just remembered something. Teehee.

Actually I just remembered that the person's not a knight, at all. More like a warty frog. Ewwww.

Okay, mean alert!

Something new about me...

I'm surprised. Normally, I'd be down right depressed this very moment. I'd be bitter, cynical, skeptical and disappointed. Fortunately, I'm not. I'm still happy. I can still smile but not the fake kind. I guess my Prince has also taught me to have a happy heart despite his absence.

I have faith. I know my Prince will find his way. And I can live without him at this moment. It's not imperative that we're together this very moment, although it doesn't hurt. HEHE With him in my heart, I can face anything.

I used to think that I've lost so much of myself through the years. I gave so much of myself and my time to people who hurt me, abused me in some way and left me. I was wrong, I didn't lose anything. In fact, I gained more of myself through such experiences. I guess I just missed that part of my life when I was carefree and ignorant. And everyone knows we all need to grow up at one point.

Overtime, I've started learning things about me, that I never knew I had in me. Now I understand what they say "The courage to lose something is also the courage to accept that you still have much to learn about yourself and your life." Through these losses I gained much more than I expected.

My Prince and my life's experiences have taught me to accept and embrace magic moments without hesitations. (Are you getting tired of me, rambling about my magic moments?! HAHA) It takes great courage for me to do that being a self confessed cynic and skeptic. I am the kind of person who expects people to disappoint me. I didn't have much faith in people, due to several experiences in the past. And I have to say that it's changed me and my outlook in life. I no longer need to convince myself to be positive. It's like it's natural for me do it. I've stopped worrying if things are going to work out. I already know they will, at the right time, as long as you ask for guidance and do your best.

I can now see that life is truly simple. That even if life is sometimes hard, these magic moments make you realize that it is worth the pain and hardship. That without adversity you cannot experience how it is to live.
Okay here we go...incessant need to thank God...for all of life's simple pleasures! :) So THANK YOU!

- For Prince, for the inspiration, love, lessons he's taught me even in his absence.
- For my friends, for being my cheering squad!
----My girls (Bev, Liz, Julie, Anne, Annie, Luv, Dave and Margaret) for senseless fun, laughter and conversations may it be over coffee or cocktails.
----Isprikitik, for being the best photo bud (as if I have more) ever! Don't you dare leave me alone! HAHA!
----TOPAC, I know we're not what we used to be but you're still TOPAC to me.
----My future roomies, Manel and Kevin, for always being there, despite the hectic schedules, time difference and time apart.
----My processing executives, Myles and Ella, you girls are my angels!
----Max, if not for you, I wouldn't have opened up my heart to my Prince. HAHA
----And everyone else, Bajie - emo mate!, Tere - you're always there to lend me a hand and to cheer me on, thanks., Couchers - for the company. HEHE
- For my family, because your love is endless and unconditional. Your support never wavers and for everything else that's not said.
- For work. My own personal miracle! I love what I'm doing! There's never a day I don't feel grateful to be pursuing my passion.
- For the magic moments, for finally being able to recognize these miracles in my life. For being able to embrace and accept it.

Darn it. I'm such a drama queen! :) Tonight, the moon is out! My Prince is out there. I hope he's walking towards me. HAHA :)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Wishing YOU are my Prince.

When I first started writing my letters to my Prince, I didnt have any idea who he'd be. I also wasn't wishing for someone specific to be him. I was writing to whomever it is that God intends me to be with.

Now, things have changed quite radically. I've started to wish you'd be him. Or at least, you'd want to be my prince. My friend and I always believed that everything in life is a choice. I knew when my prince finally comes, it is still up to me to decide if it is indeed him. So, ultimately there's the slightest chance that I could be wrong in wanting you to be him.

Someone once told me that my prince will sweep me off my feet in the most unexpected moment, in the most unexpected circumstance and in the most unexpected way. You didn't just sweep me off my feet. You've blown my collected self out of wits. You got me. You stimulate me in a way that I find myself wanting more. I'm smitten. Something about you excites me. I'm drawn to you.

No, it's not your good looks, because I've gone out with several good looking people before. It's too bad their good looks can't make up for their lack of brain cells or personality. I find them boring. And I for one hates being bored. I've no patience for waiting and my attention span is short. I get bored easily.

But you! You're like a breathe of fresh air from these guys I've known. You engage me in someway and I'm hooked! It's like I hang on till you say your last word, or do your last jig, kind of like an encore in concerts. And if I would ever walk away from you, I wont be able to help myself, I will turn to look back. You're like a good book or movie that I don't want to end.

I wish you'd want to be my prince. For the first time since I opened up to the idea of a prince in my future, I want someone to be him. You. I wish you're my prince. I hope he'd be...YOU.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

An awareness of death encourages us to live more intensely.

The thesis of the asylum director where Veronika was being treated, in the book Veronika Decides To Die written by Paulo Coelho.

I know it's morbid that I am talking this way. 2005, I was shocked when I received a text message that a good friend of mine had died that day. I thought it was a joke. A very bad joke. I attended her wake. Saw old classmates, the rest of the gang, especially those who were closer to her cried. I didn't. I couldn't cry. I was sad, and I felt the loss but I couldn't cry.

A week later, I was freaking out. I would have flashes of images in my head where in I was dying. I was panicking. I thought I was next. If she died at 23, I can also die at 23. And I had my whole life to live. I have so many goals for myself and at 23 I've only started living.

With her demise, I learned to appreciate things more. I appreciated my friends more, my family more, the things that I do with my life more. I appreciated the little things that makes me smile. Slowly, I learned to embrace life.

Why am I writing this? Because I remember her. I know she's much better now. So much better. But I remember her. I don't remember the exact date she died anymore. I'm not good with dates. But I know it'll be around this time. Thank you...for opening my eyes.

It's 3 for My Prince.

My Prince,

It's there a magic moment, did you know?

Do you let it pass you by?

Don't let it! No! Don't!

You're free to live out those moments!

Seek it. Live it. Love it!

Thank God for moments as such...

They make the journey towards each other worth while...

When I write to you I am filled with all sorts of emotions, excitement, joy, anxiety, longing, love and more importantly inspiration. There's so much I want to share with you. One day, I know finally we can do that. Today I started singing a song, a song I've known since I was a child. Okay. Maybe not really a child but a kid. Have you seen the movie, An American Tail? Yes, I watch cartoons. Such a baby right? It's nice movie. It's about a mouse who got lost. They sang that song in that movie.

Somewhere Out There

Somewhere out there,
beneath the pale moonlight,
someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there,
someone's saying a prayer,
that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.

Somewhere out there,
if love can see us through,
then we'll be together, somewhere out there,
out where dreams come true.

I started singing it and I had to stop so I can sing it in my head to understand the lyrics and when I realized what the song's message was about, I thought of you.

It's silly to feel so much for someone you don't know yet, or if I do know you already then I haven't realized that it's you. I kind of laugh at myself while I re-read my letters. But you inspire me so much that my heart fills up with so much things about you, about us that I had to write it down. I don't want to forget that I felt this way for someone.

I am given another magic moment to experience, to live, to feel, to make most of. I hope you're having these magic moments too. I wish I can share them with you. Please, whatever you do embrace it, welcome it, experience that magic moment. For it may not come again.

Summer's here, can you feel it?

The breeze is now hot and dry.

Endless sunrises and sunsets for us to lay under.

Images of sand and a clear blue sea,

Each even more endearing when you're in it...

One sunrise, I will see...

You're right here...with me..


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Magic Moments v2.0

Remember how I lectured on magic moments? HEHE I had another epiphany. (Woooh, Lord! You're the man! I swear!) Okay. Lately I'm feeling rather blissful again. And it's not the inner happiness. This time, I actually have a reason for being so. But, I'm scared to embrace the feeling. Maybe because I don't want to get disappointed or hurt or whatever. And it's giving me a hard time, because it's such a nice feeling to just set aside!

It's another magic moment! It's freely given to me to feel. But I just have to reign in the expectations. It's why people get hurt. It's why I get hurt. No expectations, no pain, no disappointment only happy, blissful days. HAHA

So...I will try to embrace and just enjoy it while it lasts. I wont have it forever...but at least I can say it was mine even for just a awhile. So bring on the magic! :) Weeeee.

It's been a while since I listened to this song...and now, Bliss is again on loop. HAHA

I hate it when Isprikitik makes sense. I've been so accustomed to him not making any sense. He asked: "How can you be sure that he's not your Prince if you wont give him the chance to be him?" And I am still stumped! HAHA. You lil' shit! HAHAHA

Gone cross-eyed listening to my inner monologues...

Okay. I'm starting to go crazy! Goddammit! I am not supposed to feel this way! Hell fockin' no! I've never felt this way...EVER. Pffft. Stop. Madness. Bliss. Butterflies. Stop. Not fair. Not right.

When has love been fair anyway? WAIT! Erase and rewind, who said anything about love? NO! No love involved! Just a lot of giddiness! Oh well. But still!!! I cannot do this to myself. No. Can't allow this. Maybe it's because it's been awhile since I felt this way. Darn it! This is SOOOO high school! And I hated high school! I feel like a kid with a silly crush again. And I am NOT a kid anymore. I'm an adult now. I'm just trying to be a kid. And I have to draw the line somewhere. Yes. Draw the line at some point. Be a kid and an adult at the same time.

Rambling. Senseless...not the kind I prefer. Shit.

The moon is waxing...

My Prince,

I miss you!

In the absence of the bright light in the night sky,

I long for you.

No light to lead your way to me,

No light to guide you.

But still, enveloped in darkness I wait,

Until you find me, until the light shines brightly again...


Monday, March 19, 2007

Senseless evening...

As usual, as all my Monday nights have been...senseless. Spent with 3 girlfriends, a cup of ice blended raspberry tea (I just went over my coffee/tea limit for the month in just 3 days!), a couple of cameras, and a lot of senseless rambling and mad hyena laughter.

Well, after the rut one of them put me in. I was able to enjoy the rest of my evening. Took some mediocre shot and went home. I kinda missed my photo bud though. It's a not as manic as the other mondays. I miss manic mondays!!!

I want:
I want to go to Palau. I want that DSLR, which one? Either a rebel or the nikon d80. I want an alone trip to Tagaytay. I want to eat ebi maki salad from Tempura. I want a decent date this time. HAHA I want raclette cheese from Antonio's. I want to stare at the nothingness. I want to see Manel and Kevin. I want a hug and a backrub. I want to kiss. I want more senseless fun! I want to go to Jaipur and Warehouse 135's Upgrade Party. I want another dog. I want a laptop. I want a job overseas. I want to become independent. I want to do that cupcake business thing seriously. I want to study Asian Culinary Arts in Singapore. I want to study Pastry Arts. I want to travel. I want to meet...MY PRINCE! :)


My Prince,

Is that you? Have you finally come for me?

I am at odds. Probably too surprised to accept that it is you...

I'm too scared to ask, too scared to look for a sign...

I don't want to know that I'd been wrong again...that it wasn't really you...

Too soon...I think...too soon...don't you think?

But if it's really you, finally...then come.

The moon is a couple more weeks it'll be a full moon again...

Till then...I the full moon...I wish to know...

Has the searching and waiting finally come to an end?


Sunday, March 18, 2007

The end of the sugar rush.

I forgot to blog this...soupy brain. HAHA Written on my notebook 2 days ago.

This is much like how Nadine described the crash after a sugar rush. After a giddy and hyper couple of hours, when the glucose runs dry it's like you've been hit by a truck, you just sit there, motionless...too tired and to exhausted to move.

After what felt like a month of pure illogical, ridiculous bliss. I am stumped. All of a sudden I can see all the things that's not going right in my life. Like how my plans are again idly waiting for me to press the activate button. How I can feel every bone in my back pounding on me. How I can feel the muscles in my leg ache. How I can feel my frustration rising.

I know this moment. I knew it will come. And I had been ready. Bring it on bitch! HAHA

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Lost scribbling...

Don't you just hate when you lose something you wrote on a piece of paper? I have a habit of writing things down to clear my thoughts. I didn't have my notebook with me so I had to make do with the tape receipt from the micros printer that we have in the pantry. But the bad news is, I lost it. I hope it wasn't in my uniform which I turn in when my shift ends. I don't want anyone reading it.

The only thing I remember that I wrote there is: How come my friends always says that when you find the "one" for you, you will be complete. I think it's wrong to think that you need another person to complete you. Shouldn't you be complete on your own, so you can open yourself up to another person? How can you allow a person enter your life when you yourself is still trying to find something, because you feel incomplete? Get my drift?

Am I being cynical again? Or trying to be the perfect little future crown princess for my crown prince? Well...bring on the spankings! If it's spank worthy! :)

Thursday, March 15, 2007

The inevitable "crash".

Teardrops are falling, they won't stop...

My heart starts to wonder if you're there...

When will the searching and waiting stop?

When can we start living our love?

Patience, patience still...

I miss you. And it's gnawing at my heart...

Come for me and save me from dreary days ahead...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

In Pursuit of Happy-ness.

I was waiting for the moon to come out tonight. I wanted to take a picture. Without the moon, I started missing my Prince. It's like the moon connects me to him in some way.
1:15 AM - March 15, 2007

I was able to take a picture of the moon, nothing special. I love it though. I'm not in a very nice mood today. I am suddenly feeling the tiredness that I haven't felt since I started working. Today, I am tired.


Monday, March 12, 2007

Endless longing...

For my Prince,

Longing and missing you endlessly...

This beautiful night! How I wish I were with you...

Be still...I know I must wait.

Watch me, watch the moon, watch the beautiful night sky with me...

Someday...I know...someday, my lifetime can start...


Sunday, March 11, 2007

Four for my Prince...

Images. Flashing before my eyes...I smile.

Like a slide show of wonderful pictures...

Each emotion captured, each knowing look instilled...

A series of laughter...senseless,

Words unspoken but the heart understands...

Images of you and me, together, day...

Finally, when our hearts are one.

Longing for your smile, that's only meant for me.

Wanting to feel your soft caress and that tender squeeze of my hand.

Fluttering heartbeats and sweet whispers at my ear...

Reassuring gaze of deep soulful eyes that light up when you smile.

My heart aches for you, only YOU.

One morning, I know you'll come. And the sun will shine brightly forever.

I've always thought of you as a dream. You know the kind of dream that's really just a dream, more of like a fantasy. I've gotten myself into sticky situations trying to live that fantasy. And now, I realize that I finally have to stop chasing that fantasy. Instead, it will do me better to wait until you find me. I guess it is just God's way of preparing me for you. But now, I don't want to keep hurting myself trying to find you in people who come into my life only to make me realize that I am settling. When I can wait until you come for me. I want my heart to be whole for you. I don't want it battered and tired, when you find it. I want my heart to beat with vigor when you come.

I've already claimed to have loved someone several times in my life. I had made myself believe to have found you more than once in my life. But the fact remains that they don't even come close. You're the one who will show me what love really is. You will teach me what real love is about. Much like what you're doing now. You're already making me understand what love is.

That love doesn't have to be right here, right now, the two of us together. Love can be how I feel for you right now, in your absence. I love you. I am happy with just knowing that you're there. To love me and for me to love freely. I am happy with the thought that we may not be together now, but we will be someday.

I have faith, stronger than ever. I believe that destiny will lead us to each other. Serendipity is real after all. With you in my heart, I am slowly starting to let go of all the cynicism, skepticism and excess baggage that has prevented me from truly embracing and accepting this. I have stopped asking, analyzing and rationalizing everything around me. May it be about the people around me, these feelings in my heart or the thoughts in my head.

I have stopped asking my life's question: "Isn't there anybody who can love me?" Because I know you're there. I know you love me. In your absence ...I know.

Thank you. Smile. Be happy today.

My Prince,

How are you today? I am suddenly worried that you might be lonely. I just want to remind you that life is beautiful. Smile and choose to be happy. Someone loves you.


When inspiration strikes...

I'm so inspired! I've written like 4 letters to my Prince today. I guess it has something to do with what a friend and I talked about last night. He actually thinks that he's going to meet "his lady" soon. Isn't that nice? I am so happy for him! He's actually the one who got me started writing to my Prince. I guess the fact that he has those feelings brings a sense of wonder and excitement to me, when I do finally meet my Prince.

Tomorrow is my day off. I am set to take pictures with my new photo bud, Jello. Well, with or without him, I will still want to go out and take pictures tomorrow. I want to keep doing my photography. It makes me happy. It's like cooking. It makes me very happy.

The past few weeks have been glorious. It's one hell of a magic moment. And I want more. But I know it's temporary. I am ready. Whatever it is that's to come my way. I am ready. Good or bad, I know it will make me a better person. It will develop me further as a person. It will bring me endless lessons.

Life is simple. You accept, you embrace, you make choices, you make a decision and you stick with it. You learn, you become wiser. Yes, it might not always be easy, nobody said it is, but when you have these magic moments. It makes the pain, worthwhile.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Disco ball.

My Prince,

Tonight, the disco ball is spinning...

Our song is playing...

Will you dance with me?

Hold me tight, and never let me go...

Coffee cup in hand, come sit beside me,

Put your arms around me in a warm embrace.

Hold my hand, and with a reassuring tender squeeze,

I already know what you want to say.

In your eyes, I will see everything that I've never seen before,

With my hand entwined in yours, everything is right, everything is in place.

Someday, one will come...our time. And the wait? Was never in vain.

Smile. Be happy today. Celebrate! Someone loves you, cares about you, and wants you in her life, no matter how long it takes.


My mellow Saturday night.

Today, I am in no party mood. Well, I'd have welcomed the chance to hang out with friends but I dont really want to be in a crowded room with dizzying light. I am more of in the senseless laughters over coffee mood.

As I was going through some forum topic earlier, I started writing a reply to someone about magic moments. Few people realize that they are in that magical moment, and that they should embrace it. Because sadly as most moments do, they pass. And you never get these moments back. You can't. You only experience them once in your life.

I am having one of those moments. This is my magic moment. I am happy. I have somehow found an inner happiness that not even the lack of someone special in my life can dampen. Not even a reminder of the past can ruin. I acknowledge these feelings, for the simple reason that I know it's what God wants me to do. He gave me these feelings, so I might learn from experiencing it.

Friday, March 09, 2007

My Prince and the moon...

Hey Prince,

Ever since that first time that I looked up at the night sky and thought about you, I have somehow associated you with the vast beauty of the sky, the moon and it's stars. How can a disk, an orb, that's lost in space provide such beautiful light in the darkness of the night? How can someone like you, someone I don't know yet, give me so much hope? Make me want to be a better person? Inspire me in so many ways? Make me feel loved? Yes, even in your absence...

Questions, musings and thoughts...endless. But I thank you for everything. Be happy today.


Thursday, March 08, 2007

It's Friday! I'm in love!

Everything - Kaskade

I'm finding the more I see you the more I can see
Now I'm not hiding anymore

Come on baby
Let me know how you feel
Come on take me
I can see this is real

Ever since your love filled my life
I see it's changing everything
Don't you know the way you move me
It's so right, it's better than anything
You are the star in the night
Shining for me baby
Love is so right
Come on I'm feeling everything.

You know me in a way like no one ever before
You hold me forever

For my Prince. HEHE I just love Kaskade! My love affair with him started with Here I Am from The Devil Wears Prada. :)

Who is my Prince, you ask? I can't tell...yet. But yes, I love him. And I'm happy just loving him. :)

"We can love someone and just be happy about it even if we know that it cannot last forever. It is not about having someone. It is not about owning a relationship. It is just about being happy because you know you have loved someone. There is a purpose and meaning behind all events and this purpose and meanings develop you as a person and a lover. Whatever relationship you have in your life now, they are precisely the ones you need at this moment."
- Manel Castro's infamous forwarded quotes

Stared blankly...

Hey Prince,

Beautiful day...I thought of you.

Longing again...I miss you...

Find me...please don't give up on me.

Wait! Let destiny take it's course,

And when the time is right...we act.

We love, we care, we show each other how life can be much better...

When finally, we find each other.


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Angel Oracles...

My angel has sent me an affirmation.

SERENITY - You are moving into a time of greater inner peace and tranquility.

Peace of mind means feeling secure, and knowing that you're always provided for. Even if your logical mind cannot fathom how a challenge could be solved, peace of mind means that you trust that God will create a miraculous solution. This sort of faith is always warranted because faith is a key component in experiencing such miracles.

By drawing this card, the angels reassure that peace of mind is within you. You can feel serene, even in the midst of great turmoil. It is a mistake to think that you have to wait until your life is problem free before you can be happy and peaceful. The opposite is actually true. First, you work toward serenity, and then your life challenges lessens and disappear. Serenity is your natural state of mind, and the angels are now working with you to actualize this.

I love how my angels always show me that the path I have chosen is right where I'm supposed to be. :)

Tonight I went out with my girls! It was Lizzie's birthday yesterday. And we met up for dinner and coffee, after. My girls are all there! No one was amiss. Well I was late, as usual because I had to work. HAHA As usual the night was filled with senseless laughters! I love these girls, even if I've just recently met some of them. Julie, brought her angel oracle cards and I picked one and that was what I picked. :) I wont divulge my question though. But the card message struck me!

Excited! :)

Monday, March 05, 2007

Gloriously in state of ridiculous bliss...

I have been ridiculously happy the past few days. And I'm not really about to feel bad that I was happy. I'm glad I'm happy! People might start thinking that there's something a miss. Maybe I'm tryina hide something. But, no! I just had a couple of realizations. I had an epiphany. Some sort of inspiration, to smile, to laugh, to just live with more vigor and love for life rather than whine about life's negative side.

No, there's no one. I am not happy because of another person. I'm happy because I choose to be. Okay, maybe my Prince is kinda helping me a little bit. But I don't know him yet, or if I do I haven't realized that he is my Prince. But I'm happy with the thought that someday, someone will love me. And I am happy with the thought that I will love this person back.

I guess, the main reason really is choosing to be happy. I always say life is a choice. Problems will always be there and you can choose to make yourself miserable while trying to solve your problem. In reality, you can smile and do what you can to solve the problem and pray for guidance. And everything will be okay.

Life is simple.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Another beautiful night sky...

Hey Prince,

Longing again.

Wishing when I close my eyes and open them you'd be there.

Patience, be still, just wait a little more...I know.

You'll find me. You don't have to hurry or anything because I will wait.

Doesn't matter how long it takes you, I will be here when you finally come. And everything will be even more beautiful that it already is...


Friday, March 02, 2007

Full Moon.

Hey Prince,

I looked up at the night sky today. And it was clear, with glittering stars and a bright full moon, despite the fact that it had been cloudy this morning. I love looking at a full moon. It seems so magical.

Days are flying by so fast, I'm not sure I can keep up. Can you? Are you almost at my doorstep? Take care on your way okay? Even if the days seem to be so short for me, there's never a day that I didn't long for you. Be happy today.