Highs.

I am so happy! :)

I know, I am also so bi-polar. But hey, I'll take it! :P

Anyway, I'm waiting for a few things in the next few weeks and I'm starting to feel good. Even with some unavoidable annoyances. :)

Lovin' it.

...

I'm Rica. I'm 28, and I want to be free again.

Thanks.

Happy New Year!!!!

I'm a few days late. HEHE I was busy at work and stressed with all the paperwork I had to do. And like what my good friend Joal said "Just like that it's 2011!!!" He is right, time flew by so fast! I only have 1 year and half to stay here in the US. And well, some of my goals are still floating around. I'm kicking off the new year broke, haha. I have to pay off some bills and saving to pay off my aunt.

First Quarter of 2010

It started out somber and depressing, with all the fights. And to pass time, attention and avoid losing it, I started to actively nurture relationships with friends. New friends and old friends I had been neglecting, I bonded more with my good friend Kevin, kept in touch with my Ate Sandy, April and the ones I left (and miss dearly) back home. And for awhile, I actually started to enjoy myself again, as long as I didn't pick up the phone to talk to him. But of course, things do not turn out that way.

Second Quarter of 2010

I was going back to the Cape! Not in Orleans, but Provincetown. I was so excited. I wrapped up work in Florida and headed over to Ptown! No, I didn't do Disneyworld or MCA Universal (I need to go back!) but I guess there will be a next time. Provincetown is interesting. I like it there but I had some problems with work, and I just had to suck it up. I also met some awesome people!!! I will never forget them!

Third Quarter of 2010

The visit was the highlight of this part of the year. My relationship seemed to be healing, aside from some relapses from my part. I was also finally going back to Arizona. Provincetown's charm was slowly wearing off and I'm gearing up for my visit to NYC! I am so excited to be seeing one of my bestest friends! I was also very lonely and saddened with the goodbyes.

Fourth Quarter of 2010

Celebrating my birthday alone. Celebrating our anniversary alone. But we weren't fighting as much as we used to, which was good. Holidays!!! I had to work on a lot of them but the best was being off Christmas and having him and his parents come to spend Christmas with me. New Year was spent working, as usual. But at least we didn't argue that day, for a change.

Heartfelt thank you's to:

Mama, Papa - Thank you for being the most understanding parents ever!

Nanay - You always surprise me with how much you really love us and you show it in such a different way. Even when you are sooo makulit. Love you!

Mom and Dad (aunt and uncle) - Thank you for being so supportive of me!

Rey - I love you!

Kevin and Manel - thank you for your time and effort spent on keeping our friendship going!

Antonette - soulsista, I miss you! Happy Birthday this month!

April - I don't know how long you'll be around, but I'll take what I can get!

My JIC friends: I miss you guys dearly!!!

My DMC Filipino friends: Thank you! :)

Day Dreams.

Right now, I'm always dreaming about going back to school. Taking up Pastry Arts at FCI in NY. And then jetting off to Japan for some authentic sushi making classes and then finally ending up in Singapore for some Asian cooking classes. I just checked out the school in Singapore that I was looking at way back and it seems things have changed. So now, I don't know where to go! HAHA

See, I read somewhere that if you can imagine it, it already exists and the universe will conspire in making it happen for you!!! So, I am imagining this:

1. I will study pastry arts at the French Culinary Institute.

2. I will study Sushi making in Japan, along with Japanese cuisine.

3. I will study Asian cuisine in Singapore.

:) :) :)

2010 Christmas Wishlist.

It's a little late this year, but...here goes.

1. Spend Christmas with Rey.

2. Win the lottery jackpot.

3. Xbox Console, Kinect with Dance Central game.

4. To be able to fix paperwork so I can stay in one place.

5. Pay off debts. (Related to #2)

Relatively short. That's all thanks!

New Year's Resolution

So it's almost the new year again! I only have one new year's resolution. Lose weight, AND FUCKIN' keep it off!!!

I'm sick and tired of gaining and losing weight. And watching bits and pieces of shows like, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (cutting girls out because the gained weight), Bridaplasty (Future brides wanting surgery before they get married so they can look perfect on their wedding day) and whatever else is out there.

Gah.

Nextweek: Christmas wishlist.

Bi-Polar.

Sometimes when I talk to you, I feel so happy. All the feelings I had for you back then stat to flood back and I remember everything I felt when I fell in love with you.

BUT...

There are also nights like this, when the pain starts to swell again. And then I feel like, I don't want to be in this with you anymore.

I can't make up my mind about us.

Fuck, I give up.

Again for the nth time today I am browsing thru your profile. Looking at all the things that changed since you decided to cut me off. Something that you have denied to this day. But the truth is, I do not know why you can't see it. You did cut me off.

A few weeks ago you said that you put everything back. But we cant go back to how it used to be. We can't. No matter how hard you check, no matter how many times you do it, there is no denying our problems. There is no denying that what we once had is now broken. And there is no turning back. It doesn't matter if you put every single piece back in places, its never the same when it was whole. It will never EVER be the same again. It cannot be whole again. We cannot be whole again.

I'm sorry. So. Fuck this, I give up.

Diego.

April 2009 - Ate's (me) despedida at Metrowalk.

December 2008 - At the house.

October 2005 - Likes to lie on my bed too!

July 2004 - Looking good, baby!

June 2004 - Happy pirate eye!

I do not really remember when I got Diego. All I know is that at that time I got him, I was looking for a dog. I was gonna get a Pomeranian, but my best friend asked me if it was possible for me to adopt him. He needed some love.

I hope he knows even if I didn't have enough patience to walk him all the time or bathe him or hand feed him like my mom does. But I cuddle with him all the time! And I annoy him all the time. HAHA The best thing about him is he knows just when to approach you. I once almost had a meltdown during my thesis and he went up to me and started to nuzzle and lick my face and it calmed me down. And he's the first to the gate to greet you and races to you to say hi.

Smart dog. (He knows when we're just playing him along making him go back and forth.)

Loving dog.

He's like the brother I never had. I will surely surely miss this baby. I know I can never have another Diego in my lifetime.

Thank you Diego. You made me happy. Your original owner missed out on you. :)

Lost, searching

Looking for something

Finding nothing

Lost, find me

but don't lose yourself

Beach.

I wanna go to the beach.

My days are wasted waiting for you.

So maybe tomorrow, I will not wait.

Tomorrow I'll be gone.

i like the fact that i have a little secret with two of my very best friends. :) hihi

PEX-ing.

I just wanted to share:

1. Love is not when you are only happy, Love actually happens when your ship is being rocked.

2. Love is not when you are strongest, Love actually happens when you are at your weakest.

3. Love is not in the sweetness, Love actually happens when how long can you bear your partner at his worst.

4. Love is accepting your partner for who he is, and loving him for what he can give, even though if there are others way better than him.

Sabi ng bestfriend ng ex-partner ko sa kanya "There will always be someone better than your current partner, but true love is tested kung papaano mo ipaglalaban ang partner mo sa sarili mo."

Dont be a b*tch TS, kung mahal mo partner mo, paglaban mo siya, BS yung LOVE yung nararamdaman mo sa fling mo. Don't give us that BS.

From pexer: gymrat28

It's gloomy and cloudy.

I'm gloomy and moody.

Pfft!

Sometimes, being selfish is survival.

Un-straightening Up.

So, I'm starting to enjoy looking at girls.

I just...find myself staring at them! It's insane.

I guess this is what asshole boyfriends do to you? Haha

The barista today was really pretty. :)

P-town = Love.

I found love in Provincetown.

:)

Old Habits.

I'm falling back into a dreaded routine.

Work, sleep, maybe eat, sleep.

Its like sleep is the cure to all my heartaches.

Its about that time 2 years ago.

Yes, its about that time.

I always find something about you that makes doubt you, than trust you.

Gut feel? Paranoia?

But it's not really just a stupid "feeling". I actually see things written down somewhere, of you breaking a promise. Or of you turning back on your word.

Or maybe it's just the truth trying to shake me out of a stupor that's even worse than a whole night of drinking tequila and vodka.

Or maybe it's divine intervention.

You shouldn't really wonder why I think you're just like them.

Already Gone.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone


...Almost there. :)