Stay Or Go.

Have you ever watch the movie about the man who married an alien? There was a song there where they were singin' stay or go. I am in the exact same predicament. Fuck. I never thought it would come to this. Especially with Rey. Can you believe? I thought I was done with all these feelings but they are back. And I feel it towards Rey. REY. The one I gave my heart to. Broken and tattered that it was. I gave him my heart. Trusting him that he will not break it.

I'm broken...into pieces that was already broken in the first place. I never knew the exact same pieces can be broken again. I am rambling in this minute space...wondering if he reads this. Did you know that some people I didn't expect to be reading this still reads this? But the person who I hope would pay more attention probably doesn't.

My head is spinning either from alcohol or these thoughts. Everyday, I spend trying to get rid of the thoughts already in my head. Of the things I know and don't know but everyday I seem to fail. Everyday I wake up praying. Everyday I wake up with one thought in mind...to trust him. But everyday...he fails me. At the end of the day all is left, are the messages I read, the hurtful things he's said to me, the way he treats me compared to the way he treats his friends.

Everyday, I brace myself for the big blow. The one which can shatter my dreams or make them. Everyday...I prepare myself for whatever is out there. I don't know how I am surviving but I am...somehow, someway.