Cosmic joke.
My life is a cosmic joke.
Ella (I'm beginning to hate your name, el!) said, "Things happen for a reason." She said that everything no matter how stupid it may seem or no matter how hard you try to understand but still don't happen for a reason and someday you will understand why it had to happen.
She also said that if God didn't want you to feel it then you wont. The fact that I felt something means that God wants me to have that feeling.
While I was driving home amidst the honks and the rudeness of myself and other drivers. I started crying, and started praying at the same time. I asked God to take away the pain. I asked him to take it away even if it meant taking away my heart. I didn't want to feel anymore.
I know God will answer my prayers one day. It might not be what I want now or what I prayed for at this moment, but it will be the answer I need and will want when it comes.
7 comments:
and why are you beginning to hate my name?? HAHAHAHAHA. do NOT answer that. i know the answer. ;p
so.. million dollar question is - how are you?
rica, il tell you what my best friend tells me whenever i feel overwhelmed by my feelings. she tells me this "ella, dont fight the feelings. the more you fight it, the harder it'll be for you to deal with it. just let God do His job and you just trust Him completely. if He wants your feelings to fade away, it will.. in His time. not in your time. so stop forcing things to happen when it's not yet the time"
i should let you talk to her. hehehe. she's such a good friend, and an ever better confidant. :)
^Hay nako el, I know I am trying to do just that. Trying to just embrace the pain instead of trying to get rid of it. And I am praying for my better days. Thanks loads, Karina. God knows I love you for being such a good friend to me. HAHA Careful I don't want to fall in love with you too...especially since you're salivating over you Peace Corp dude! HAHAHAHAHA
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA baliw ka talaga teodorica!!! hahahaha! dont worry, i love you too (but in a TOTALLY platonic way) HAHAHA ;p
serious na nga! rica, i just hope that whatever it is that you feel for the person, it's because of who he really is and not because of the person you molded him to be. often times, our mistake kasi (our as in the ENTIRE humanity. di lang tayo!) is that we always look for something (could be love, care, attention, whatever) in all the wrong places and people.
you asked me before, why do you always experience these things. il try to answer that. why? ive thought of one. because you really havent learned what is it that youre supposed to learn - kaya it's just a vicious cycle. you havent learned THAT one lesson that will put a stop to all these. so what's the lesson? i dont know rin. hehehehe. :)
^I fuckin' hate it when your right, KARINA. HAHAHA I haven been calling you your usual name, lately. HAHA
Pero I do love her not because I have a lucid fantasy of some guy who loves me. I do realize now na it's okay to admit to others and to myself that I do love her.
There's just one problem, I am so paranoid right now. You know why, right? Plus, all of sudden the relationship is changing and I can't keep up. Oh well. I kinda wish we can just go back for awhile to the way it used to be between us but I have no idea how to do it.
I guess the only thing I can do right now is pray. Really. You got my name wrong KARINA, it's Theodorica. Super promdi na ng name ko gawin mo pa mas promdi. Shit ka. HAHAHA
WAHAHAHAHAHA sorry!!! i was trying to make it better by removing the H. hahaha. teodorica is better than theodorica naman db? haha! lulusot pa! ;p
that's the right attitude, dear. you should love someone TOTALLY. don't try changing the person to fit the description of your ideal partner. BUT if you think things are happening a wee bit too fast, then most likely, mabilis nga. slow it down. think things through. and yeah, pray. you're in my prayers, dear. :)
and wala naman murahan!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! balahura ka talaga teodorica!!! gusto ko teodorica, wag ka aangal! HAHAHA! ;p
HOY KARINA! Sorry sa mura, nahahawa na ako sa classmate ko na munmura ako ng shit ka kasi wala lang that's just how we show each other some love!
HAHAHA Pero darn it wag naman teodorica...ambantot eh. Please? Rica nalang noh. May valid reason ako bat Karina tawag ko sayo. Okay?
And yes, I do love her TOTALLY. It's just now, I dont have any idea how she feels about me. I mean before yeah I know pero ngayon ewan ko na.
I'm back to moping at Christ the King Church. Ang malas ko lang kasi ginagawa yung adoration chapel kaya dun ako sa main church nagmomoment kanina.
^Pucha natatawa ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko.
If I were you don't believe anything that I say. I don't even know what love is. HAHAHAHAHAHA
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