Monday, December 08, 2008

B-Side.

A part of me I never knew. Last night I was reading his blog archives. You see, I am trying to find answers to the endless questions in my head. To bring peace to my heart and the inner monologues. The whispers, the hushes, the silent screams...are deafening. But I was also reading MY own archives. Trying to re-learn old lessons that I might've forgotten.

I realized as I was doing this, as I clicked on another page of older posts of his blog, that I am jealous. Jealous of people from his past that I didn't know. I wasn't even in his life then. I had no right to be. But still, I can't help that growing gnaw in my heart...until I came to his first post.

I have never been like this. Yes, I have always been curious of a loved one's past. For the simple reason that I want to understand him better. Or maybe give me a head's up. But to be jealous of it. To be envious that I wasn't that person that he referred to then...never. I was never that kind of a person. Until last night.

I need to look for the real me. I hope she hasn't gotten that far.

1 comment:

icewulf said...

wow...
and i felt stupid for feeling the exact same way.
haha...scaaaary how we react the same way to a lot of stuff.