Slumped...

I seriously need to party.

I wonder what my friends are doing right this moment. Seems they've forgotten about me.

Dammit.

Copied...it made sense though...I can relate...

Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life... And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again... For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person... in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else... Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little... As we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right... Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them we are just for passing time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger... So here's a piece of advice; Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. And move on when things are not like before... It's certain... there is someone out there WHO WILL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE...

Wise words from an unknown person:

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty.
He said no.
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever.
He said no.
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away.
He again said no.
She had heard too much.
She needed to leave.
As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay, he said,
"You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die."

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone -- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

If I could be any part of you, I'd be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.

This wise words of Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened!

The wise words of Oscar Wilde: A man wants to be a woman's first love, a woman wants to be his last.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER!

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.

Kiss slowly,
play hard,
forgive quickly,
take chances,
give everything
and have no regrets.

Life's too short to be anything…but happy.

Cynical moment...

What hurts....

- letting go of a person you've just learned to love

- reminiscing the good times you shared together

- shielding your heart to love somebody

- trying to hide what you really feel

- trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes

- loving a person too much

- giving up someone you never thought of giving up

- having the right love at the wrong time

- taking the risk to fall in love again

- hiding your relationship from someone else

- controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend

- thinking of him every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he never even thinks a single thought of you...

- letting go, because every time you see the person, you only fall deeper

- holding back only to find out when it's too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out

- falling in love with someone you didnt mean to fall in love with

- finding the perfect guy...with only one prob....he doesnt love you...the way you want him to...

- helping the one you love "court" your friend

- seeing the one you love crying for someone else

- the waiting also hurts like hell

- having to hear "... I've met someone"

- agreeing to his wish to 'just be friends'

- asking his freedom back because he'd be happier with her

- asking you to 'forget that everything happened' and be 'normal' friends again

- hearing that you're treated as a little sis (ouch!)

- sharing his future plans for the girl with you

- you stopped being friends because his gf asked him to

- being denied in front of people

- telling you lies where he'd been when actually, he was with a 'new friend' or an 'old flame' (whew!)

- he told you he'd be leaving you to return to his ex (the one he left 4 you!)

- breaking someone's heart

- fighting for that one thing that would make you happy that is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his commitment unless he fix himself...then, you are left hanging for the moment...then he says, time will tell...but you still decided to hope in him and trust him

- PRETENDING you're OK when inside you're dying...

- PRETENDING to be strong....and RECOGNIZING your weakness

- lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have...

- being with someone you can't actually love...

- pretending you don't love a person whom you actually love...

- being in love...

- letting go even if you really don't want to... having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision

- seeing the person you love hurt because of you... and not being able to help that person...

- having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he doesnt treat you with the same closeness as before

- having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable

- admitting that you love someone despite his imperfections

- finding out that the more you try to hate him, the more you end up loving him, perhaps even more than before

- realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up.

- the thought that this guy, used to really love you and you loved him as well but you didn't give enough and he gave up on you

- Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else.....

- making a promise....and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered....the commitment is no longer there...

- the hardest thing about love - believing it exists

- After you've been hurt...
...learning to forgive...learning to trust and love again

- But the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself. We always forget to do this. Always.

~I got this from Chellie's site...I can relate. *sigh*

Clouds set in...

I'm sad.

I'm tired....

I'm pensive...

I long for silence...

I long for rest...

My heart feels conflicted.

My brain is in overdrive.

I need to get away...

Thank you!

This started out as a ranting entry...decided to delete everything and make it positive...

- My family...they frustrate the hell out of me but I love them, I don't have a choice. HAHAHA
- Francis, he's one of the major reasons that life is more interesting right now.
- My friends, TOPAC, My Galera girls, Tere - I miss you!, Manel - We owe each other some major bonding, Kevin - thanks for everything, Isprikitiktik/Jello - We still owe each other Intramuros, see you soon. Farah - I wish we'd gone to Embassy, see you in Sept! I miss my friends. *sob*
- My job! I love it! Even if I'm tired as hell right now.
- Opportunities.
- Clubhouse parking lot, for our spot you so generously lend us when we wanna hang out with each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I knew it! I need alone time! HAHA. Just read my friendster horoscope. HEHE

Hey Missy.

I was only able to keep one stuffed toy from my childhood. My mother gave the rest away. I don't know where. I asked her if I can keep Missy because I wanted to give her to the person whom I want and choose to be with for the rest of my days. Naks.

So I gave Missy to him a couple of weeks back. It's so cute because he wont keep Missy in the bag I brought her in. He carried her in his arms like that. Imagine that. HAHA Anyhow, we were hangin' out the other day in that same spot we hung out in almost every other night. As usual, random questions, cuddling and senseless laughters. I just love it.

He said something that really made me smile that night. Actually, it makes me smile each time I remember. He told me he loves me and he loves my family too. WAH. I think I just won the love lottery. HAHAHA He's my family now too. And one day we will be a family too, with his 2 princesses and my prince. :)

"You drive me completely crazy, completely crazy for my sunset lover tonight."

- Excerpt, Sunset Lover by Josh Kelly (John Tucker Must Die Soundtrack)

...

My Prince,

Thank you! You've made such a major difference in my life. You've changed me in such a way that it's making my life better. You make me smile by the mere thought of you. Thank you for making me happier. I just wanted to do this now, before I forget it.

=)

Life Plans...

I now have new plans in life. Since I shifted careers I started drawing up new goals for myself. Curiously, something or rather someone also popped into my life. I remember I said that if things fell apart between me and the ex, I'm going abroad and find my future there. And when it did end, I was in Culinary school, so I couldn't get out. It's opened doors for me, oppurtunities to become a better person. I've long since gotten over that heartbreak. And now I've met someone who can possibly be in my future, the future being in give or take 3-6 years.

Since that break up I've stopped looking into the future with thoughts of spending the rest of my life with someone. Whenever I thought of my future, I always, ALWAYS, just think of it for myself, with myself and by myself. But now, its not like that anymore. I've grown fond of thinking about the future as "our", "we" or "us", and it's quite pleasant.

Anyway I miss him right now. And it's almost breaking my heart. I've started to open my heart to him without hesitation, without fear, and with love. And now, I miss him. I miss him so badly that tears start to well up with longing. *sigh*

Thank you...

For tonight.

For loving me, and for letting me love you, the way I know how.

For your patience and understanding.

Just thank you...

I plead guilty.

I know. I was too self involved. You said it yourself, I had the tendency to be self centered. And I didn't deny it. When I read your message I had to fight back the tears. I felt your pain. It stabbed my heart, and what's even more painful was it was me who caused it.

I'm sorry. I wish there was more I can say. I wish there were more words invented to say how sorry I am for hurting you, for breaking your heart. I know it's ironic. I wished for a Prince. And then there was you. And I wanted Prince to be YOU so badly. And then I do something like this.

I didn't believe in love at first sight until I met you. I've given you my heart, but even so, I am still trying to protect it from you. Even if I have kept on repeating to myself that pain is inevitable. That I have to feel it.

I'm sorry. Forgive me for hurting you. Forgive me for all those times that you thought I didn't care. Forgive me for not loving you enough. Forgive me for holding back the love that I have for you for fear of being vulnerable to you. Forgive me. Forgive me.

(random) Selfish...

And each man kills the thing he loves,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword.

- Excerpt, The Valkyries - Paulo Coelho

You know you're screwed when you start asking other people what's wrong with you. Gawd, I miss Myles. I thought I was over this. I thought I was over the fear. I read and re-read that message and suddenly I thought: "Have I been robbed of my capacity to love by the things that I have experienced in my life?

I thought the Prince letters showed me I can love someone who will be my future even if I do not know who this person is yet. And now, I am here. I want him to be my Prince. Yes, I want him to be "the one" but my fears are getting the best of me.

I know what you're all going to say. Things just went too fast and now I am faced with the fact that he is a stranger. That I didn't really know him. I don't know how to talk to him. I don't know how to ask him the right questions, so that I get the answers that I want. Ang insensitive ko na ata.

I'm enjoying his company too much, that I haven't been thinking that he might wanna do somethings for himself. It's his mom's birthday today. I actually thought about telling him to greet her for me. But I didn't think it made much difference if I did or didn't, after all his mom doesn't really know me. If they went to the hotel, I was gonna send over something for her, but he told me last night that they weren't going to. I pretended that it was okay. Well there really wasn't anything I can do about it.

Yesterday, I was so pissed at him, because I thought he was going to come with me home. We were going to play boggle and watch some movies. But I dropped him off metro walk. My mom asked for him when I got home, I knew she was going to say something about him flaking out, so I told her I asked him to come later when it's supposedly cooler in that hellish room we all call the living room.

I dont even know what his fave color is. Or his dream car. Or what he really wanted to do with his life. I meant to ask him that, because I remembered he told me he wanted to do something and travel. But it was vague. I haven't asked if he ever wanted to become a doctor when he was younger. Or how come he doesn't change his friendster status. If he played chess, scrabble, or monopoly. I hadn't asked him if he wanted to go clubbing one time. Does he dance? Did he write a letter to Pope John Paul? Where was he during World Youth Day 1996?

Just random things. I think I lost that "girlfriend instinct". Where you ask if he's already eaten lunch, wow - buti pa pala si Patricia. Or how his day went. Maybe I'm just not the person he thought I was. Maybe he was wrong when he said he didn't deserve me. Maybe it was me who didn't deserve him. That every single guy who bullshitted me had been right about doing that, because I deserved it.

I'm a wretch.

...

"...You're now part of my plan in life."

Isn't it nice that someone includes you in their life's plan? WAAAH. I've become a major cynic. I've stopped including people, especially significant people in my life plan. My life plan basically consists of ME, God's plan for me, my family and my work. I've stopped including people who will potentially hurt me and leave me in my life plan. Because I don't want to have to change anything when they're gone.

But now, I've started building dreams around him, plans, praying for a future with him. Being thankful for everyday that I'm still with him, for the feelings that I have, and for the different kind of happiness that I'm experiencing right now. Okay, this blog is turning boyfriend centered again. HAHA. Cheesy. Pffft!

Happy B-day.

OMG! This is such a bad day. But at least I got to spend time with him.

Much better now.

The problem with hello is...

good-bye

/ˌgʊdˈbaɪ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[good-bahy] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation interjection, noun, plural -byes.

–interjection 1. farewell (a conventional expression used at parting).
–noun 2. a farewell.

[Alteration (influenced by good day) of God be with you.]


Word History: No doubt more than one reader has wondered exactly how goodbye is derived from the phrase "God be with you." To understand this, it is helpful to see earlier forms of the expression, such as God be wy you, god b'w'y, godbwye, god buy' ye, and good-b'wy. The first word of the expression is now good and not God, for good replaced God by analogy with such expressions as good day, perhaps after people no longer had a clear idea of the original sense of the expression. A letter of 1573 written by Gabriel Harvey contains the first recorded use of goodbye: "To requite your gallonde [gallon] of godbwyes, I regive you a pottle of howdyes," recalling another contraction that is still used.
_______________

Doesn't matter I start to miss him just with that thought that I have to say goodbye...ugh. :(

It's the end of my life...

Starting tomorrow, I will no longer have a life...my shift just changed. I'm working from 6 AM to 2 PM. And my day off will be Tuesday. Heller?! Oh well. For just one more month. Heehee.

Will blog tomorrow. I miss him terribly. *sob*

I am successful.

I loooove Mom and Dad! They're my aunt and uncle who I call Mom and Dad. I have learned a lot from them and they've changed the way I think or do in some way. They have influenced me in my growth as a person, who will be successful.

And a helpful, responsible, "old" boyfriend doesn't hurt too. HAHA I think the common denominator that they've all told me not be a baby anymore. Because I'm not. I'm 24. But can I still go clubbing once in a while? HEHE

Today's lesson:

Think that you are successful, that you have the money. YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL AND YOU HAVE THE MONEY.

I think, therefore I am.

I still...

Smell the scent of your perfume that somehow stuck to my shirt when you hugged me...

Feel your arms around me, in a tight hug...

Feel those sweet butterfly kisses you like to plant on my cheek, on my ear, on my mouth...

If I can be with you everyday, I'd do it...

But I don't think I'd appreciate all of which I mentioned if I had 'em everyday...

*sigh*

Musing...

I remember you always told me that I can ask you anything. I can tell you my concerns and stuff. But how come when I start asking, you become irritable and offensive. Maybe it's the way I ask, or maybe the way you interpret them. Not sure.

Just wondering.

Remember, I said I was just planning? Now, I don't know how to ask anymore. *looks up*

Yooohooo! I need help down here!

Taking that step towards my future.

Today, I am taking a step towards a future that I had planned for myself. I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. But it doesn't matter I know I have to try it. There is a reason for everything. There is a time for everything.

My being OC sometimes has caused me to plan, and re-plan almost everything in my life. I am a random person who has plans! I contradict myself! But there are just some things in my life that needs careful planning. And this, is one of them. Right now, I cannot be random. My future is at stake. My whole life is in the front line.

Maybe, just maybe, from the way my life has turned around the past few months, I can still claim this to be mine. So, best of luck. :)

Someone bang my head in the wall...

How can I screw something up in less than 24 hours?! Dammit. I must be the world biggest screw up. It's the person in me who just has to get all the answers. Who just can't accept something as they are. I've become the world's most un-girlfriend. Shit.

I'm so sorry...

No, it still doesn't do right. It's not enough. Sorry isn't enough. But still...even if it doesn't do justice for the things I thought or said...I'm sorry.

Aray, pucha masakit ulit ang puso ko. Agh!