I just want to be free from pain. I want to forget all the painful things I read and saw and continue living. I know I love him. My heart bleeds just thinking about him this way that I do. Whenever I think about him, I still think about that guy I first fell in love with. And I try to connect him to the guy I am with now. And they are so different. He must feel the same way. I know I am not the same person he first fell in love with.

I just want to be free from pain. I want him in my life. But I can't have him if I think of him this way. He's my savior. I have this pure, clean image of him in my head. And now it's not like that anymore.

I just want to be free from pain...especially this kind of pain.

That's all.