You know when you have nothing else better to do for the rest of your night, you start to flit through websites and read stuff. I was on this website, this girl is writing about love. She hasn't loved anyone since she broke up with her ex-boyfriend 10 years ago. Isn't that amazing?
But the thing is, it isnt. I get it. I might've not waited that long. But I know the feeling. Although I found it in me to let myself love someone again, there's always the fear of things ending up the way it did the last time. I did not wait for 10 years though. I found someone I fell in love with more than a year ago.
It took me awhile to recover from the pain. I went through a phase of self destruction, that wasnt obvious if you simply looked at me. A while back, I read a couple of blog entries I wrote about it. And even if it seemed so long ago, it still brought tears in my eyes.
It's funny, because I was telling my present SO all about forgiving and forgetting. I realized that I too have a lot of forgetting to do. I have forgiven but I think in a way when you get hurt, you never forget the pain. And that's where the fear starts to grow from.
Sunday, July 27, 2008