I was at church today, sleepily listening to the homily, when I noticed a blue pamphlet. I took it and saw that it was a programme for a wedding held at the church yesterday. At the back, it read:
"Nothing is more practical than findng God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, what you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything."- Rev. Pedro Arrupe, SJ
I couldn't think of anyone else but Francis. I blinked back tears. Why are there always tears when I think about him? Why is there a slight pang of pain in my heart? Is it because I miss him? Or because I remember the things that hurt me? Or because I honestly dont know where I am in his heart right now?
Before I left everything was set. We planned to get married as soon as we have enough money for a wedding and enough money to start us off a life together. When I got back he said that we will start to live together, because he couldnt stand being without me anymore. He said he didn't care what my folks thought of it. When I got back a condominium will be waiting for me and him to live in. He wanted 3 kids to start, but as we talk about it some more he would add until he just said, "I want plenty of babies!" I don't easily forget the things he says espescially the things that made me smile. You'd be surprised with all the things that I still remember.
I secretly pictured living with him in my mind. I'd pretend to be waking up beside him instead of my room mate. I'd smile at the thought that I'd be preparing his breakfast for him, preparing his clothes for work on the bed. I'd pretend to have strong lean arms pulling me towards him at night.
So many dreams. And now, I dont know how tomorrow will look like. All I know is that, all of this is for love.