Thursday, November 23, 2006

Blah blah day.

Today was blah. It was boring. I drove mom to the pain rehab thing and got so pissed at her. I am not driving her there again and wait for her. I'll drop her off next time.

I am waiting for something to come through. HARGH! I hate waiting I dont have the patience for it. Dammit.

I hate it, my bestfriend chose the perfect time to ignore my texts and calls, as usual her head is where the band is she seems to have forgotten that she told me she'll give me the pictures today. I needed the whole body shots and passport pictures ASAP. ARGH.

But there's a saying, good things come to people who wait.

Oh yeah one more, Patience is a virtue.

Dammit, I still hate waiting.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

My gahd! I am fuckin' fat.

I had some pictures taken earlier. I'm fat. Dammit! I am so fuckin' fat. Anyway so I have to lose weight.

Anyway I really hate driving home alone. I wanted to stop by Starbucks because I was almost falling asleep on the wheel! And no, I dont take valiums anymore. But the traffic turned me off. It was one of those brainless idle moments when stuff keeps on popping up and my inner debate teams start setting up their stands. The "bitch" (the name I call my alter ego), was gnawing on today's events, analyzing and nitpicking every singe detail. Dammit! Some stuff I will actually blog on some other blog. Hehe.

Anyway I was hoping on that weekend with Kevin and Manel, but it looks bleak. I also wanna take pictures this weekend. Show off my new hairdo. Or maybe I can go out alone and just commune with myself.

Rambling again.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

How to make her feel special.

1. Touch her waist.
2. Talk to her.
3. Share secrets.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Let her be with you when you're with your friends.

Keep reading!

11. Smile with her.
12. Take pics with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking about someone?

16. Always hug her and say i love you when you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. ***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!!***
19. Tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20. Tell her the way you feel about her! You need to show her you mean it too.
21. Kiss her on the lips.
22. DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. You buy HER stuff.
23. TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Buy her stuff. Small things can still help makes her feel special.
26. DON'T LIE TO HER.
27. DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
28. Take her anywhere she wants.
29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you.

Are you still reading this u better be its important!

31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her.
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible.
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Dedicate a song to her.
45. Always Remind her how much you love her.

You'll never know when she needs just a lil more love.

Thank you...

I havent done this in a while...

Thank God for...
- My friends - all of them. Every single one of them who matters to me.
- My family including Diego.
- The camera that is available when I wanna take pictures.
- Blogger.com, it helps me clear my head.
- Graduating with honors! Yihaaa!
- The oppurtunity to do pastry, short course.
- Popo - for the love, the friendship, for sharing my pains, my frustrations and everything else that you didn't need in your life but still allowed to help me out.
- My personal limewire and music provider...teehee.
- Sunrises and sunsets, or even stark direct sun at 3 PM.
- Wonderful moon angles.
- Newly discovered hobby.
- Motorala V3x
- All my blessings and trials.

I pray for...
- Good health to my family, friends and loved one.
- Blessings and good graces.
- Oppurtunities to improve myself.
- More wonderful sunrises and sunsets.

Oh grah! My Minolta is dead.

I have 2 minolta cameras one is the old one that uses a film and the other one, the digital camera. And they're both dead. The digicam has been sitting in my drawer because we dunno where to have it checked. And finally we know where to bring it, only it cant be fixed anymore. They said it was factory defect. WHY THE HELL WASN'T THERE A RECALL!!! AGH!

So now I am without my own camera anymore.

Me, wants new camera please?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Feelings of dread...again?

Yes, its's been a while since I felt this way and I don't know why I feel this way right now. I am worried, yes I am a worry wart. What could be wrong? Is there something wrong in the first place? Lord please take away these feelings.

I can't describe how I feel my heart feels like it is wrenched and heavy...argh!

Friday, November 17, 2006

On growing up and growing old...

The first day of school, our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. "I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.

She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."(this cracked me up!)

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Forever average.

Once again, I am the forever average person.

I got my grades yesterday, although for some my grade was okay, I can't help but be a little bummed out about it. I know it was my fault too. I made a decision to do well, late. Oh well.

I always say that those average students are actually the ones who do well in real life, because I have actually seen it in other people's stories. But just this once I wanted to have high grades. Oh well.

I am forever average. With average looks, average stature in life, average IQ (well above average), average skills (especially in architecture -- bordering mediocre). Argh.

Stuck in a rut. It's no use crying over spilt milk.

I got used to being average. I was used to settling with the mediocre than gunning for best. It has to stop. I will push out all average-ism about me and make myself better. From today onwards, I will not be average.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sleepyhead.

I havent had a nice long sleep lately. Don't ask me why. But I like it anyway. But really I need to start sleeping early. And waking myself or rather having somone wake me up at 4 am despite sleeping late is not helping. GRAH. I should start being sleepy at around 9 PM.

Anyway I got a new phone! Weeeee! Anyway I still wanna buy the SE K800i next time. Hehe.

Have not much to blog. Yesterday was uneventful. Ooh except that on the way to the hotel the cab driver I hailed doesn't know how to get there. I found it ironic because he was a cab driver. DOH!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Yellow roses, Harry Potter, Charmed and creme caramel.

I love yellow roses. When someone asks me which kinds of flowers I like I always say, yellow roses. Others are daisies and mums.

I read Harry Potter. I can't wait for book seven!

I like creme caramel. It's one of those things I crave.

I miss watching Charmed! And Sex And The City.

Thank you...you know why.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Moments.

I am havng those moments again. The transition between depressed and happy. Other aspects of my life's doing really well. But theres a nag in my head, asking me --

"Where are you headed now?"
"Do you think you'll be sucessful?"
"What do you want?"

ARGH. Anyway I have a job interview tomorrow. I feel like slackin off. I dunno why. Crikes! This is bad. I think that everytime I get some sort of "high" I end up slumpin' down after. Kinda like a sugar rush with a very bad crash. Ugh. Not good, right? I need to get over this. I swear I need a change of environment. Goodluck to myself.

Rambling, and not making sense. ARGH!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Coffee, beer and a bunch of mad hyena laughter.

Yesterday was tiring. After running an adventure race for almost an hour Cams and I trooped to Claude's house because we we're supposed to watch a movie. But decided we'd go and have coffee and pollute our lungs instead.

Oh yeah, Team Adbenturera came in 12th. Thanks to my fuckin' bright idea. Grrr. Oh well it was fun though. Heheh (Thanks Cam's for inviting me!

I had fun with Ruth, Cams and Clod. Just making lewd jokes, trippy comments, practically laughing like hyenas at Mongkok and Starbucks. I kinda miss that kind of hangin' out. Just chill and talk. Dinner, movies and coffee. That's the kind of party I like right now.

I think I'm tired of the whole, sex, drugs and alcohol thing that I was into the first half of this year. Well, except for the sex part. Because no matter how drunk I was or banged up from the substance. The paranoia of getting pregnant was just too much. So I dont have sex. A couple of days ago I had a couple of shots of vodka and hated the morning after feeling so I've decided to stop drinking altogether. Ruth and I just watched them drink a couple of beers, since I didn't want to drink and Ruth can't drink.

I hope I'd see them soon enough. :) Cheers to us, girls! :)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Alcohol dependency.

Okay I just had vodka last night. I wish I hadnt though. Too late I realized after I was kinda slurred already. Argh. And now theres a nasty feeling of vommit from the pit of my stomach. Ugh.

I dont know how I started to turn to alcohol in times of emotional aggreviation. Seemed like a good idea at that time. Don't get me wrong I drink, occasionally. When I'm at a party or when I'm out of town with friends. We drank, we laughed and then we wake up feeling pretty wasted the next day.

I think it was late last year that I started drinking rather abnormally. I lost the habit though, or should I say forced myself to. Plus the fact that I hated the feeling already. Now I think I'm doing it again. Just a couple of days ago I made an entry under the influence of mighty vodka spirits. I was again last night thought I didn't blog. Ugh.

And what do I get for it. Headache, upset stomach, and having to go to school later and suck it up. Ugh. I hate myself now.

Deviant Art.

I recenlty dabbled into photography...no not just being my usual camwhore self or taking mediocre shots of architectural wonders but actually enjoying taking the shots. I met up with Kevin and Manel last Monday. I brought my camera along so I can maybe take sunset shots but to my dismay, I wasn't able to. At 4 PM I was still frantically rushing through the usual bad traffic in Edsa. I had to make do with night shots instead.

Anyway so I started posting my pictures at deviantart.com. Glorious! Within a couple of hours of joining and submitting art, two people have added two of my pictures in their favorites. And 1 of them commented on the picture. I was beaming with pride. Hehe I checked it out again today and there it was 2 more people added my pictures, one comment, and one of them added 2 pictures. Wooohooo! I can't contain the excitement. Hehe

Weeee! Me want new camera. Hehe. Well, I think this is a good hobby. Something I can do on my off days when I start working. Just enjoy myself and such. Yay me!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Final's aftermath.

Finally, the exams are over. Now I am just gonna anxiously wait for this friday so I can see my grade. Whew. I hope they're okay.

Anyway I slept for a total of 12 hours total. Thanks to someone, who literally almost begged for me to sleep. I didn't answer any of the messages even if I read them "I was sleeping."

Achtung! I need new havaianas. Okay okay, I WANT new flip flops. Hehe. I will buy when I get a job.

I'm considerably happy right now that I can forget about school for a while and just chill out. On saturday I get to have fun with a friend. Yay.

Oh yeah I was with Kevin and Manel the other night, as usual it was a nigh of coffee, pictures and talking about life, love and yes, BS. It's nice to have a guy friend around to confirm if your man is bullshit-ing you. Manel, I think was shaken up with what we've talked about she was quiet on the way home.

I can't wait for our Tagaytay trip! Yipeee!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Blogging.

Why do I blog? There are actually only 2 people who takes the time to read my ramblings, one of them was actually someone who influenced me into blogging. I remember my first blog, it was at blurty. I mostly wrote about boys. Those who hurt me, those who play around with me and those who are simply good enough to remember and keep. It's much like my journals, countless, senseless volumes of heart break, breaking hearts and whining. It's all so shallow. Has my blog changed? Well it still has the occasional whines but at least you dont see it at every post.

I blog mostly when I'm conflicted. Like what someone (very special) always says "the inner monologue". Funny, I laugh at him because of it. But I also do that. I remember sitting in class asking myself what I wanted to do with my life. All sorts of things started to come to me:

1. A job overseas.
2. A business idea.
3. Another year at another culinary school.
4. Tyler Florence (*sigh*)
5. Rocco Di Spirito (*sizzle*)
6. Board exams for architecture.
7. Blah blah blah.

Endless. It was fockin' frustrating so I started writing it down. Sometimes it's just a rage of thoughts that I can't quite help but feel attacked, refer to previous entry vodka and grapejuice.

I endlessly contradict, praise, encourage myself, pep talk myself through the inner monologue. It wont be a surprise to see me mumbling to myself, deep in thought and staring blankly.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Vodka and grapejuice.

I am anxious. I dont know why. I am drinking vodka and grapejuice to help me calm down. It's like I should be doing something I just can't quite figure out what. Grrr.

I started doing my papers just in case I pass the interviews I will be doing soon. For the longest time I had wanted a chance to get out of my parent's clutches. In a new land, where people are different, culture is different and start anew. I dont know if the anxeity is coming from the mere fact na I can just screw up the interviews...or the exams on Monday. Lord, help me.

Random Thoughts:

- I want to go overseas.
- I want to work already.
- I need to ace my practicals because I screwed up the written exams.
- I miss someone.
- Have I become a slave of my selfishness?
- Do I love myself too much now?
- What the fockin' hell is fockin wrong with me right now?
- I think I have an emotional disorder.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Sad somethings...

Okay I know my previous post was Euphoric and it seems odd that now I am sad. It's just my friends are fighting and the cold war is soon going to be...well...not cold. It's sad that what you see and think was good doesn't stay that way for long.

People always leave. It's a lesson I learned the hard way. No amount of care and nurturing can ever make a person stay with you...in the end they always leave and the more you stop them the more they stay away from you. It's free will. Ultimately in the end it is our choice.

Maybe for me I thought that only boyfriends and girlfriends do that. You know romantic relationships. I never thought even friends can do that. Darn it I am still way too idealistic. Screw idealism!!!

Euphoric.

The past days have been bliss. I don't know why. Okay it isn't perfect but at least it wasn't that bad. I havent had bouts of sudden loneliness I used to have. This day is just one of those up and perky days. Hehe

I'm seeing some things differently and I am loving every moment! :)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Waiting at Starbucks in the rain...

I went out to see World Trade Center with my pops and cousin. The movie was good. I didn't cry though but I got the shivers...darn it it's scary to imagine what if I was the one down there. I didn't cry because the overhead mic kept popping out which distracted me from being emo.

Anyway I was at Starbucks waiting for the car which never showed and I suddenly told my cousin that the next time I'd get a message from my ex I'd talk to him properly and nicely. It's my Christmas gift to him. Free him from all the guilt he still feels about our break up. I figured that I know I am over it. I was just being mean because I know I can be, and I know he will take the attitude because he knows he deserves it. And besides I don't think it'd be good to be mad at him every time he'd message me even if I wasn't really mad anymore. Harbor all of those ill feelings each time he tries to reach out. I know I came out a victor in that experience, it's made me a wiser person and a better person. And I should act the part.