Thursday, November 30, 2006

Trust only the trustworthy.

When I was 16 I met a wonderful, well some were still wonderful to this day, bunch of people. There was Antonette, April and Nicee. We met at the silliest circumstance. April was my school mate who saw my clear book articles and pin-ups of the Backstreetboys sometime in 1997. We met Antonette and Nicee soon after. And we were inseparable. We'd go out together usually to "band-chase" or just well, hang out.

April, having met her asshole ex-boyfriend preferred him over us and so we let her. We let her make her mistakes and learn her lessons and boy did it take a while.

Nicee, we discovered was a liar. She probably didn't know what else to do with her life. I don't know what particular things she lied about but there were some ridiculous stories, such as:

- Her mom hates us because we don't go to the same church. - We met her mom, she was nice.
- She was sick with something really terrible. She said she has a brain tumor.
- She said she was in the hospital. - While talking to Antonette, her brother picked up the phone. Boy, that must've been some suite she was in. She had two phones!
- She was mugged. - Yet, she had money to take a cab to Tonet's place with her cellphone and jewelries still intact.

'Nuff said. I tried to be friends with her after I found out about those but I couldn't take it. There was a small voice in my had that screamed "She's lying!" every time she shared some story to me. So I told her, I didn't want to talk to her again and that she should stop calling me. I dont hate her for what she did, I just dont bother anymore.

My ex-boyfriend was also a pathological liar. And I was actually stupid enough to let some of those lies get right past even if there was a voice in my head that said other wise. When I realized this I was furious. At first I was mad at him for being a liar. But more importantly I was mad at myself, for listening to him, for still understanding him despite the lies and for making myself believe that he was telling the truth when the cold harsh fact that the truth was standing right across me ready to bitch slap me.

Trust. It's something that I readily give to someone, even someone I barely know. But it's not something that can be earned back. Especially if that trust that was broken was mine. My friends call me gullible loads of times. I'd believe anything people told me. I don't know if I had that much faith in people or that I am just a total naivete. But I know that I accept people for what the are, or what they show me. I'd believe and trust them to be telling the truth, not even thinking twice if it was indeed the truth. Yes, I am naive and gullible. I realize it is my disadvantage. Plus the fact that I can't say a lie straight faced.

But once I find out that the person was lying to me or that he lied to me or that he pretended to be something hes not, then I withdraw. I wont care for an explanation, if that little voice in my head screamed liar or dishonest. Then I stop caring. I wont waste anymore braincells.

I know harsh right? I admit I am not a saint. I have lied a couple of times successfully, to my parents of my whereabouts or what I was doing. White lies that I had to tell with my back to them or through the phone. Which I, by the way, would end up outing myself from sheer guilt of having told a lie.

And so I therefore conclude that I am fuckin' screwed. Agh!

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