Yes, I am doing the inner monologue. I can't help it. The bitch is just yapping and yapping. I'm practically deaf! Now that I'm in bed and waiting for sleep, I finally started thinking about what happened. There was that moment there when he just held me and we talked and he looked into my eyes and said things. I listened, it sounded painful. But I tried to dismiss the pain. It wasn't important. I told myself that this moment was mine. I had nothing to say after he said it I turned away. He peered at me and then said "April Fool's."
They say jokes are half meant. So maybe everything that he said will be true one day. I know I can't keep him. I don't own him. But I hope I will have more time. I guess it's easy for me to doubt someone, especially those I don't know much about. I guess it's a defense mechanism.
Myles once told me that unless I abandon all doubt of a person's sincerity then I cannot love that person. And I am aware of that. But this is not about him and how he feels. This is about me. This is about trusting what and how I feel. Because really, when you love someone sometimes that person wont reciprocate those feelings, and you just don't un-love him right? I do not love to loved back. I know I will be loved. I read somewhere
"Love is not about having to question how a person feels about you."And it's true. Even my Prince has showed me that I didn't need him to be there for me to love him. I loved him even if I didn't know who he was.
Dammit I was trying to find an entry I had that had all the stuff that people tell me about love. I remembered I deleted it. HAHA. Oh well. I'm starting to rationalize again. Sorry, it's the inner monologue. Screw the inner monologue!