Saturday, March 24, 2007

Ramblings of a foolish soul...

I realized I should've written this before I wrote my previous entry (Something new about me). Anyway, shows just how cluttered and random my brain is. Can you believe I was thinking of all of this while I was chopping mushrooms?

I'm technically an only child. I have an adopted brother who ran away, we see him once in awhile when he needs money for his baby. I love my cousins Don and Martin, they're like brothers to me. I have to admit that I love Martin more though. HEHE I love Diego! I consider him my brother too! I am closer to my mom than my dad. I reckon he's always mad at me for something I did or didn't do. When I was about 5 he bought me a doctor's play kit. A week later I saw another doctor's kit at SM, this time it's with a blood pressure thing and I wanted that kit too. He told me I couldn't have it because I already have one. I cried. But it wasn't like I threw a fit. I cried silently. I was too embarrassed to show other people I was crying. Mom tells me my dad loves me. When I was about 7, we commuted going to the province and my mom made a mistake of leaving me on the wrong bus. So when the bus driver asked all the passengers to alight the bus I had to haul all of our things too. I stood in that busy street, which until now I still don't know where that was. I was panicking. I was on the verge of tears and then I saw my dad running towards me, his facial expression a mixture of anger, fear and relief. I thought I was gonna have to appear on Inday Badiday's lost kids portion. I remember I had already started to think about what I was gonna say. HAHA

I already liked to read as a kid. I had numerous story books. Mom said, whenever someone asked me about Adam and Eve, I'd start going on a long explanation of who they were. I was a frequent library user in 6th grade but mostly read Sweet Valley books with my best friends Manel and MAF. I used to have a new best friend every school year. Whoever was my seat mate during that year was my best friend. It was in 6th grade that I learned that it wasn't like that at all. I went to an exclusive girl's school during my formative years which explains why I didn't get along with boys, especially Don and JV - my adopted brother when I was younger. In 6th grade my grades were really bad and I was put under probation. So I opted to transfer to another school. I transferred to a co-ed school and had the shock of my life during the first day when I realized I had to sit next to a guy. I didn't know what to say so I basically sat there, rolled my eyes a lot and when I got home that afternoon I cried to my mom and asked her to let me go back to SPCP. Where I knew everyone. Where we were all wearing skirts and spoke broken English and Filipino simultaneously ("Uy, pa-see naman your magic diary"). Where it was cool if you are chauffeured to school. She said I have to finish the entire year. Unfortunately, they wont let me go back to SPCP without repeating 1st year high school, which I didn't want to do. So I spent 4 years in that co-ed school.

When I was 3rd year high school I decided to join the school choir because I had a crush on the music teacher. It was fun. I made a couple of good friends. But in 4th year I got pissed off at the president and just so I can screw around with her I didn't go to meetings she announced, practices she posted and refused to come up on stage to sing with them. I was bad! I was a rebel without a cause.

I met my first guy best friend when I was 12 years old. Out of sheer boredom, us kids were making prank calls. I ended up talking to him and after 11 years we are still friends. He is my confidant, my older brother and my second dad. He used to make me laugh with his corny knock knock jokes. It's so corny you'll laugh at it. I met my soul mate, Antonette when I was 16. We were both teeny boppers and hopelessly in love with Nick Carter. We had a test of friendship and we've both proven we are bff's, always, no matter what. I have every reason to believe that if one of us had been a guy, we'd have long married each other. HAHA I have a few people I consider my best friends, Marjon, Antonette, Manel, Farah, Tere, Elisa and Kevin. Manel, has been my friend since I was in 6th grade. And we even if we don't see each other often we still know we're friends. And when we do see each other it's like we were just together the day before. These people are the ones I consider closest to me. They know almost everything about me. They can anticipate my next move, my next thought. Who ever said you only have one best friend is missing out on potential other bffs! I'd do almost anything for a friend, provided that I can do it. I used to be a snob and it was Antonette who helped me become more sociable. I've met a lot of friends because of her.

My mom gave me my first real watch when I was 9. It was my birthday and she gave it to me as a surprise, because I had been asking for a watch that had hands. I had been wearing my digital Lisa Frank interchangeable watch since first grade. And I was one of the few who still wore a digital wrist watch. Sadly, I lost it on the same day. I didn't know how to tell her I lost it! I ended up blurting it out the moment I hopped out of the carpool ride. She hadn't bought me another expensive watch since. When I was in 4th grade I wanted a Tag Heuer watch and she coldly said NO. My mom used to surprise me when I was little. I remember opening my bag one school day in 2nd grade and I saw this National Bookstore wrapper. I opened it and saw a sticker book and stickers and a binder! I had been begging her to buy me a binder because my seat mate had one. HAHA

I was an honor student in pre-school. But I think I was never good enough for my dad so I stopped striving. He always compared me to my cousins who were always valedictorians. Which is funny, I was the only Angeles kid who passed UST with Architecture for my first choice. Screw the damned medals! HAHA I was okay with my average, mediocre grades. That is until I went to Culinary school. This time I wanted a medal, a gold medal. But I made that decision to do well to late. I still made it to third honors though. I could've tried harder. Culinary school is probably the best thing that's happened to me in 2005. That and breaking up with my then boyfriend.

I used to hate being alone. I've gotten accustomed to the company of either my friends or my ex. I only learned to appreciate being alone when I broke up with my ex and my friends were too busy with their own lives. I learned that being alone has it's advantages. I get to clear my head, reassess my life and commune with myself.

I have always wanted to become an artist even as a kid. I adore my aunt and I wanted to be like her. She's designer. I wasn't forced to take up architecture by my family. I actually wanted it myself. Maybe I was just wrong in assessing myself when I took the course. That's why it's a miracle that I was able to find out what I'm really passionate about, that I was allowed to pursue it. Some people aren't given that chance. Or maybe they are but they've grown comfortable with what they have and didn't want to get out of the comfort zone if it means risking a job, or a lifestyle.

I took voice lessons when I was I think 7. I was told I had a high voice. My voice teacher was a grouch. The other teacher was cute. When I joined the school choir I was singing with the alto peeps and naturally my voice range got lower. But it's okay, I still like to sing. On random days me and my friends would head out to a videoke place. I like music. I used to listen to a single genre before, but now my preference has become varied. I'd listen to pop, house, chillout, rnb, hip hop. punk, ska, alternative, just whatever my ears fancy. And after I get a new cd or a new mp3, I'd listen to it the whole day. Loop it so my computer plays the song over and over, until I get a new song. I am seasonally obsessed, especially when it comes to food. When I crave for something, I'd eat until I get tired of it. When I do I wont eat for a year or so.

I've always liked photography. As an architecture student, I used to take pictures of buildings, monuments, landscapes and other architecture related stuff. And then my camera got busted. Until recently, I started pursuing it as a hobby. Also Antonette's dad is a good photographer! I'd be looking at their studio with my mouth open in awe. HAHA

I over analyze most of the time. Every action or word spoken to me has meaning to me. I try to find out what it is. I learned later on that you don't get much out of life doing that. I'm just wasting time analyzing when I can be just living.

I'm really random and silly. I have outrageous ideas that are always fun but most of the time impossible. I like to sleep when I go out of town with friends. I like long drives. I love to spend time with the person I love. I love sunsets, sunrises and night skylines. And I think there is something magical about the moon. I love beautiful waterscapes and landscapes. I gasp at architectural feats. I watch Discovery Channel and National Geographic when I find the show interesting. I love adventures but most of the time I'm half scared shitless when I find myself in one. I watch Amazing Race and just dream of joining it. I want to parasail but I'm terrified of heights. I'm not the most adventurous eater but since culinary school, I've gotten better. I like to dare myself but I'm actually scared of a lot of things. I love kissing and hugging. I like showing affection. I haven't kissed properly since I got my braces. I kinda miss it. I think braces are for dorks. Well guess what I am! I needed them. I'm a closet nerd. I used to be really good in chemistry and even if I hated physics I still get good grades. I like to hang out at bookstores. I like to read! I've progressed from Sweet Valley books to Paulo Coelho and JK Rowling. I wear glasses but prefer to wear contact lenses, sometimes I'd forget to take them off for like a month. I watched Eternal Sunshine For The Spotless Mind twice, before I fully understood the story. Little Women the movie and the book, always makes me cry whenever I see it or read it. I'm a cry baby, I even cry at sappy commercials. HAHA I have a dating pattern. I'm gullible. I don't like to judge people but I used to expect them to disappoint me at one point. I'm a goldfish, I forget stuff easily. I hate it when people burp and don't excuse themselves. I can't lie properly. I like to travel. I'd want to see the world someday. I'd like to teach History of Architecture. The only kind of maki I eat is tempura maki! I play in the shower. I'd want a bath tub in my bath room. I love being senseless! I love senseless laughters. I burn bridges. I never ask a friend to change because I don't like their attitude. So I should never be expected to do the same. I'm on a constant sugar rush. I head out to Tagaytay when I need to get away. I like raclette cheese, even with it's stench! I'm a love whore! I'm in love with love! I'm an attention whore, according to my ex. HAHA I am constantly plagued with inner monologues or worse an inner debate! I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that's on random attacks. I'm a manic driver! I have road rage! I used to be addicted to sudoku! I like word games. I always have a rhythm or a song in my head. I say "thing" or "thingie" when I cant find the proper word to use. I whine a lot on purpose. I'm told I'm scary when I roll my eyes. HEHE I can't multi-task! But when I'm cooking 4 dishes at a time I can somehow do it, I focus on not burning anything, if I don't I wont have anything to serve! HAHA I want to meet a guy who likes the smell onions. HAHA. I love spring rolls. I love mango crepe with whipped cream and caramel sauce. I am crazy about opera cake! I love apple struedel, not the fake kind, the real one. I like breakfast food, especially breakfast buffets! But I'm not really a buffet person I'm more an ala carte person. This is the reason why I HEART Antonio's! I'm gonna have my wedding reception there one day, and have a huge opera cake for my wedding cake! I get starstruck. I used to read tarot cards. I like to play poker.

My life's lessons are:
1. People always leave.
2. Nothing lasts forever.
3. People change, feelings fade.
4. Life is all about making choices.
5. Not everything you want is good for you.

I usually write about love, life, friends, and random thoughts. I also blog when I'm conflicted, happy and musing. :)

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