Wednesday, March 21, 2007

An awareness of death encourages us to live more intensely.

The thesis of the asylum director where Veronika was being treated, in the book Veronika Decides To Die written by Paulo Coelho.

I know it's morbid that I am talking this way. 2005, I was shocked when I received a text message that a good friend of mine had died that day. I thought it was a joke. A very bad joke. I attended her wake. Saw old classmates, the rest of the gang, especially those who were closer to her cried. I didn't. I couldn't cry. I was sad, and I felt the loss but I couldn't cry.

A week later, I was freaking out. I would have flashes of images in my head where in I was dying. I was panicking. I thought I was next. If she died at 23, I can also die at 23. And I had my whole life to live. I have so many goals for myself and at 23 I've only started living.

With her demise, I learned to appreciate things more. I appreciated my friends more, my family more, the things that I do with my life more. I appreciated the little things that makes me smile. Slowly, I learned to embrace life.

Why am I writing this? Because I remember her. I know she's much better now. So much better. But I remember her. I don't remember the exact date she died anymore. I'm not good with dates. But I know it'll be around this time. Thank you...for opening my eyes.

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